Outer Tilog (Realm)

From BattleMaster Wiki
Perversely Odd Lands Known As Democratic Outer Tilog

Island Colonies
Capital Outer Tilog
Largest City Outer Tilog (Region)
Government Democracy

Duchies 2
Regions 9
Population 45,657
Gold 3873
Food 870
Nobles 13
Chair Jester Thing Silenus Polytus
Minister of Offense Burdock Crewins
Minister of Injustice Donagal Prestongreen
Kepper of Fluff and Hair Elias Stormreaver
BriarullDonagal Prestongreen
HighgladesHeadrik Lynch
Hilly HolesVatroslav Pentel
NidaleryRakaarox Nabarl
Outer Tilog (Region)Elias Stormreaver
RavossolBurdock Crewins
ReckrandiSilenus Polytus
RollsovarRory Sarwell
SteepgladesGarm Tanngrisnir Crownguard

Welcome to the Perversely Odd Lands Known As Democratic, Outer Tilog(POLKADOT)!

We are small and dark land whose inhabitants worship evil gods with animal and sometimes human sacrifices. We do, however, have our own brand of humor, as shown by the fact that a thumb screw is our realms standard.

Ironically, Outer Tilog is the only democratic realm in the Colonies. Council meetings usually consist of a lot of shouting, some fighting, general insults, and a decision when one side has been beaten into submission.

  • Outer Tilog Dictionary - Learn to talk like a real Outer Tilogian! Be sure we don't find out if you are faking it....

Thing's Things

Do not meddle in the affairs of Outer Tilog for you are crunchy and taste good with barbecue sauce.

Ministry of Injustice (MoI)

If you are looking for justice, you have come to the wrong place. Justice sold out three years ago, and we haven't had a shipment since.

As for Injustice - that's something that can be arranged, just talk with the judge.

Tilogian Law - A collection of rules, regulations, and things to ensnare you with.

The laws can change at any time, for any reason, or no reason at all. Following them is illegal and not following them is illegal as well. Our Laws:

  • Don't learn any letters. Don't forget to behead your scribe after they write your letters!
  • Any acquisition or possession of cabbage is hereby illicit, and not in the fun way
  • Also vegetables of any kind
  • And the color pink, in any variations
  • Avoid trying to clean the river water (This law is especially valid if your name is Merek)
  • No shoes unless you have a 'r' in your name
  • Mentioning Wet Hams or Portions to the High Council
  • All forms of fun, mirth, merriment, or frivolity are illegal.

Judge Devices - Our dread justicar's most lovely toys!

  • ThumbScrews - The penultimate Tilogian gear
  • HeadCrusher - To get that migraine to stop
  • Executions - Head removal for the whole family!

Notable Tortures - The only date night idea you'll ever need again

  • Brittiany's Day Out - An introduction to Outer Tilog hospitality
  • Outer Tilogian Cake - "One Man's Torture" -or- "How-to-Make an Outer Tilogian Cake"
  • Little Leatho - What happens when several denizens of the realm get roaring drunk and an infamous infiltrator happens to be imprisoned nearby

Ministry of Offense

Did anybody say Defense? What's that? Also where has the Purple Helmet gotten off too?


Ministry of Finance

Separating you from your finances for longer than you're legally allowed to remember! Demonstrate your devotion to the government by asking about our two-for-one special; we'll send another goon squad agent round to help you experience the 'thrill' of a second tax audit, Kepper of Fluff and Hair approved.

Other Offices of Lesser Note

Outer Tilog Office of Documents

Has someone asked you to do something you don't want to do? Simply follow the rules, and make them fill out a form! The Outer Tilog Office of Documents is here to provide red tape for those time when you really want to make sure nothing gets done, fast.

Society for Integrity in Culinary Kitchens

World renowned cuisine that's to die for. Why not impress all your snooty, high-society friends by having them over for dinner?

Ministry of Entertainment & Tourism

Need to get rid of that old nag of a wife? A few too many brats running around the castle? Bring them on a thrilling and educational vacation to Outer Tilog! We guarantee that you'll be able to shed at least one family member to one draconian law or another before sundown the first night. In no time at all they'll be adorning our sacrificial altars and you'll be free to return home with a much lighter familial burden.

Racks. Iron maidens. Branding irons. Thumbscrews. Just some of the fascinating implements you'll get firsthand experience with when you vacation in fascinating Outer Tilog! By the end of your stay, you'll be begging for more!

Things that creep in the night, looking for souls to claim...er, Religions

Apostles of the Abyss

What's down there in that dark hole? Let's go look .... AAARRRRRGGGGHH!!!! CHOMP!

The Abyss is bottomless. It encompasses all space, all life, all death. It is timeless, yet eternal. It spawns forth an endless supply of demons - some greater, some lesser, some deadly, some merely ticklish.

Stare into the Abyss ... let it welcome your flesh and consume your soul.

  • The Greater Demons of Outer Tilog - A little guide to the demons of Outer Tilog
  • Outer Tilog for Kids - Nobody can ever accuse Outer Tilog of not catering for the small folk. The small folk in this case being the cannibal leprechauns of the Dimension of Pain and Suffering; however, we're also kind to small children. Join the ever smiling Chancellor Dethargos on this page just for kids! Of course, there's nothing stopping you from coming in and taking a look for yourself. Except for that ancient curse which will doom you unto the seventh generation. Just kidding! It's more like the fifth.

Hop right in! The Demon God of Clowns DEMANDS YOUR FEALTY!