Outer Tilog (Realm)/Government

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The Democratic Government of Outer Tilog

Where democracy is one step away from anarchy.

This list has been compiled lovingly on genuine peasant-skin parchment by Dethargos himself, or rather one of his scribes whom he trapped in a room. The Outer Tilog Government would like to add that reading this list is completely illegal unless you have a Reading Permit, which is available from our head office for a mere 200 gold coins or, optionally, a mild public beheading.

Outer Tilog is a bit like a vast anthill, except the ants have razor-sharp teeth and a taste for human flesh. Oh, and the queen ant is ten feet tall and covered with tentacles.Like in all truly advanced ant societies, each member has a specific role that helps shape Outer Tilog into the monstrous abomination it is today. Currently, the Official Roster of Important Positions is as thus:
Legal Disclaimer: The words in italics are purely the opinion of the writer and are not at all to be taken as truth or fact or especially taken into a court of law and used to sue the bonds out of me, because I'm just a scribe and it's not my fault, even if technically this could count as slander and please make me stop working, I'm tired, and my hand is broken I can't even go home to my family these days not to mention that I haven't been paid for six years please help me

    Dethargos, Ruler and Demonic Diplomat - Not a black magician at all. What a great fellow this Dethargos is. Too bad we can't seem to find him at the moment.
    Moira Na Leodaich, Chancellorix - Watch for knives. Sharp, pointy ones that always seem to find their way into tender bits of one's anatomy.
    Woefix Leroy, General and Evil Political Rival to Dethargos - If you vote for Woefix, the Bouncing Belly Devil will eat you! No, I'm just kidding. I'll eat you. Currently deceased, subject to change at any moment.
    Despyria Eiryn, Judge, Jury and Executioner - Also very good at torture, which is redefined in Outer Tilog as 'recreation'. Do not leave her in a room with your pet/slave/zombie. Despyria has also done stints as the Countess of Naan Forest and Nidalery... as well as a well received but horribly reveiw turn as Vice-Chancellorix when Dethargos fell to pieces.
    Zane Ilwaukim, Executive Director and Chief Propagandist, Ministry of Entertainment & Tourism - Apparently his title doesn't 'fit the genre', but it's impressively long, and that's all that matters. Whether you're looking for an exciting ride from a catapult or simply looking for a place to stay for the last night of your life, Zane is the EDCPME&T you're looking for.
    Nick Newlands II, Sometimes-Banker - I'd swear he's stealing from the vault. I can't prove it, but every day I put my gold coins in the bank, and the next day they've been stolen and replaced with useless pieces of paper they keep trying to tell me are 'bonds'. It's a conspiracy and I'm going to find out who's responsible.
    Pharmakeus Grandrith, Alchemist to the Crown - Do not take candy from this man. If he offers you a drink, refuse. If he catered for your party, go home.
    Angus Na Leodaich, Master Brewer - That bone-headed drunken lout excels at killing troops. Usually ours, but who's counting? Try his 'Peasant's Foot Beer', it's very nice. Of course, it's not made from peasant feet! It's made from their ears.
    Qaleb A'Grendall, Official Scribe of the Demoniconminocon - We try to tell Qaleb you can't list every one of the twenty million and two demons in existence but he just keeps trying. What a courageous man. His soul will burn in hellfire, but his work will live on. Currently missing, but the demon Guarool'dath'urp has been looking rather well-fed these days.
    Triodoccio Bravelano, Commander of Outer Tilog - He's only been commander for a short period of time, but already the peasants are screaming in rage, demanding he be thrown from office and feasted upon by lions. Congratulations, Triodoccio! You have our vote! Currently missing. Last seen somewehere around the Rollsovar stables.
    Rakaarox Nabarl, Special Minister, Bureau of Inhuman Services - Body parts? What body parts?
    Erlang, Master of the Squirrels Erlang is a convicted traior and failed rebel. This sub-human creature is no longer tolerated in our beloved realm. All squirrels in Outer Tilog have been summarily executed.
    Murakama Yukiko, Chief Embezzler and sometimes Countess of Hulaferd. With the aid of her Head (and Body) Chef, she's the creator of much of Outer Tilog's world-famous cuisine. As the former General of Portion, she has more experience than most in running a realm into the ground. Under no circumstances should you accept an invitation to join her for dinner. I also think she's looting the treasury, but I no longer have enough fingers to count that high.
    Vladamire Abjur, Minister of Offense and Wearer of the Purple Helmut, Chief Ambassador of Outer Tilog - He managed to lose Outer Tilog City to Giblot (it got better!) and convince pretty much everyone to join in an Alliance with us against Giblot and Wetham. Oh, and he's served as Minister of Offense longer than almost anyone. He's said to be a blood-thirsty vampire, which has only improved his standing among the nobility. His habit of spending the lives of our soldiers in battle like gold in the hands of a drunkard in a tavern has made him hated and feared by the commoners. Luckily for Vlad, it's the nobility that get to vote.

There are, of course, other nobles of note who have of yet not decided to grace themselves with clumsy titles. What is the requirement to be a fully titled member of the Outer Tilog Government? Why, merely to love Outer Tilog so much that you're willing to destroy it to satisfy your own sick sense of self-gratification! And what more could we ask from a truly loyal citizen?