Outer Tilog (Realm)/Forms
The Outer Tilog Office of Documents
- 1 The Outer Tilog Office of Documents
- 1.1 A Short Word About Serial Numbers
- 1.2 Filing your form
- 1.3 The Library of Forms
- 1.3.1 WC-011-A (Revision A, Part 1, Section 1)
- 1.3.2 WC-502-C (Revision C, Part 1, Section 1)
- 1.3.3 WC-101-A (Revision A, Part 1, Section 1)
- 1.3.4 WC-104-0 (Revision A, Part 1, Section 1)
- 1.3.5 WC-105-A (Revision A, Part 1, Section 1)
- 1.3.6 WC-562-A (Revision H, Part 2)
- 1.3.7 WC-070-A (Revision A, Part 1, Section 1)
- 1.3.8 WC-104-5 (Revision D, Part 3, Section 4)
- 1.3.9 WC-104-6 (Revision C, Part 1, Section 1)
So, someone has asked you to fill out a form. A sad day for you and your family. But you've come to the right place! The Outer Tilog Office of Documents is one of the few agencies without a clever name here in Outer Tilog, and believe me, we're not clever either.
A Short Word About Serial Numbers
One of the finest inventions here at the Outer Tilog Office of Documents is the Serial Number. See, this magical number "represents" a longer and much more usefull "title." By using the serial number, you can both save money on ink, but also befuddle and confuse whoever has to figure out what form corresponds to that serial number.
But what do they really mean? How can you tell what they are? Well, I'm glad you asked, because I've just finished making up an answer! You see, every Serial Number looks like this: WC-011-A (Revision A, Part 1, Section 1). First, there are two letters; in this case, WC. What do they stand for? I have no idea. As far as I know, the first two letters are always WC, and serve only the purpose of making the serial number longer. Second, there are three numbers. These tell you exactly which form you're looking for. No two different forms have the same three numbers. Third, there is a single letter; this further specifies which version of the form you need. Sometimes, mostly when a normal level of confusion is not sufficient, there will be more than a single version of the same form. Fourth, there are three things in parentheses. What exactly is included varies from form to form, but all include an indication of what revision it is. Make sure to use the correct revision, or you may be using an out of date form!
Filing your form
Finally, if you should succeed in determining the correct form(s), acquiring them, and then, despite our best efforts, filling out them out correctly, you will then need to file them.
First, be aware that as per policy, all forms are due five minutes ago from when you were asked to fill out the form. You will be charged an extra piece of gold for every minute the form is late, on top of any other filing fees and bribes you may have to make.
You will need to file your paperwork with the sub office of the Outer Tilog Office of Documents, The Outer Tilog Department of Forms, Bureaucracy, and Red Tape (OTDFBRT).
To get to the OTDFBRT, find the OTOoD, take a right, then another right, then another right, then a left, a left, a left, and then go right. Take the second right on the left, past the Department of Registration and Inspection of Untamed Carnivores, downstairs through the Flesh Eating Zombie Recreational Area, up ten flights of badly constructed stairs. You must then g t p s t (the writing here becomes entirely illegible and goes on for awhile) or you will probably die. Finally, you must pass the locked and barred door and enter the waiting area, where you must guess the number of the day. However far off you or will be added to the time you will wait for one of the clerks to bother to notice you. Average wait times can be expected to last several weeks. If you leave, your petition will be rejected when you return.
Please keep in mind that no food or drinks are allowed in the waiting area, although you are free to eat other people waiting there.
The Library of Forms
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.
WC-011-A (Revision A, Part 1, Section 1)
Request for Issuance of Unmarked Form Other Than Form WC-011-A (Any Revision, Any Part, Any Section)
Herewith, applicant (herein referred to as Appellate) ______ humbly/arrogantly (pick one) requests the recipient (herein referred to as Petitioner) of the request supra to issue above-captioned Appellate a copy of form ___________ entitled _________ unmarked. Herein, ‘unmarked’ shall be construed in it’s plain, ordinary meaning; that is, as having markings inscribed by the Outer Tilog Office of Documents or sanctioned agent or agency or as otherwise proscribed by Outer Tilog law but no ex post facto markings, excepting those mandated by the Outer Tilog Office of Documents or sanctioned agent or agency or as proscribed by Outer Tilog law not contrary to the above-mentioned requirements herein. Appellate does/does not (pick one) further requests that form _________ entitled _______ be delivered by trebuchet/carrier-vulture/ballista/a-code-of-thrown-giblets (pick one or more) from Petitioner not later than never/whenever/eventually/yesterday (pick one).
This form, submitted this date,
WC-502-C (Revision C, Part 1, Section 1)
Request for Outer Tilogian Citizenship
Herewith, applicant (herein referred to as Potential Snack, herein referred to as PS) requests recipient (herein referred to as Petitioner) for the privilege of:
___ Citizenship ___ Temporary Survival ___ Breathing
while in the borders or otherwise within the authority of Outer Tilog (select any applicable).
PS wishes to hold this/these privileges until:
___ Death ___ Dismemberment ___ Decapitation (select all applicable).
PS herein understands and agrees that by applying for this privilege they are giving up all claims to liability for any injury, insults, or events that may transpire to or around them during their time here, even if such events occurs while PS is waiting for a response to their petition, even if said petition is rejected. Such events may include, but are not limited to, death, execution, torture, theft, being burned alive, being eaten, being enslaved, and being sacrificed. Furthermore, PS herein understands that by submitting this form they are agreeing to surrender any rights/privileges they think, dream, or imagine they might have had or have, and that any priviliages grant by the approval of this form may be removed at any time for any reason whatsoever.
Please submit form WC-104-0 (Revision A, Part 1, Section 1) (Declaration of Bribes Made) or form WC-105-A (Revision A, Part 1, Section 1) (Declaration of Stealable Assets) as appropriate with your form.
This form (and attachments), submitted this date,
WC-101-A (Revision A, Part 1, Section 1)
Request for Certification of Illiteracy
Herewith, applicant (herein referred to as Appellate) requests the recipient (herein referred to as Petitioner) for a certification of Illiteracy in order to be in compliance with Section 215, Subsection F, Subsection 25, Paragraph 4 of the Laws of Outer Tilog. Applicant herein certifies that they _______ (Write have or have not) read the Law in question and understand and agree with it. As such, Applicant herein certifies, under penalty of perjury, that they are not literate, and can not read this form, or the above mentioned law.
Applicant herein certifies that they understand that failure to have or obtain a Certification of Illiteracy is grounds for having to file form WC-070-A (Revision A, Part 1, Section 1) (Application to Know the Time and Manner of Applicant’s Death). Applicant herby certifies that they understand it is illegal and punishable by death (to both Applicant and other parties) to have anybody assist them with the filling out of this form.
Applicant wishes the following information to appear on his Certfication of Illteracy:
Write your First name: _________
Write your Last name: _________
Write your place of Birth: __________
Write your current place of residence: ________
Signed, (full signed name required)
WC-104-0 (Revision A, Part 1, Section 1)
Declaration of Bribes Made
Herewith, Appellate, (herein referred to as Victim), wishes to make the following declaration of the bribes they have made in relation to Victim's petition, contained in form ______ (print serial number, full name of form, revision, part, and section clearly using only the space provided). Victim hereby declares under penalty of perjury that they have bribed the following people, with the following amounts (indicate amount in blank space next to the name):
______ The Chancellor _____ The ME&T ______ The Judge ______ The OTDFBRT ______ The MoO _____ A Region Lord(s)
______ The Banker ______ The clerk receiving this form (please see back side) _______________ Other (indicate name and amount)
Victim herein also recognizes that all bribes will be confirmed, and in the event of a discrepancy between the bribe described by the Victim and a Duly Bribed Government Official, Victim will have to fill out form WC-070-A or be forced to work as an Apprentice Clerk in the Office of Rejections in OTDFBRT, or both, whichever we find most amusing.
(The form is oddly constructed, with a built in envelope on its back side, making the form unwieldy and bulky. The envelope is marked “Bribes” as well as having the drawn image of a hand inserting coins in the envelope and sealing it)
WC-105-A (Revision A, Part 1, Section 1)
Declaration of Stealable Assets
Herewith Victim, herein referred to as You Fool, wishes to declare that they have chosen not to make any bribes as regards You Fool’s petition contained in from ______ (print serial number, full name of form, revision, part, and section clearly using only the space provided). Furthermore, You Fool, you understand and agree that by choosing not to file WC-104-0, you are obligated by law to fill out this form instead, on pain of pain. Understanding and agreeing the above, You Fool declares that they posses the following assets:
_____ in Gold (write in the appropriate number)
_____ in Bonds
_____ in Goods, as determined by Unfair Black Market Value
_____ a wealthy family member or friend
_____ acres of land in ______ with a market value of _______
____ None of the above (if checking this, you must also fill out section B
You fool, posses: (check all applicable)
_____ A body in reasonably good health
_____ An understanding of how to perform menial tasks
_____ A familiarity with hard, back breaking labor
_____ A family member for whom one or more of the above is true.
You Fool hereby understands and agrees that by existing and choosing not file form WC-104-0, they might, by sheer coincide, find that all of the above are taken from them and or used by (mostly relevant to section B) by unknown assailants who are in no way connected to the government. If the contents of You Fools possessions are somehow different from what is described here, You Fool understands that items from Section B will be used, up to and including organs and bodily parts from You Fool’s persons which we be sold at standard market rates in the Black Market up to, if not past, the difference between the market value of the goods or persons described in Section A.
________ (Sign your full name followed by “who is a fool”)
WC-562-A (Revision H, Part 2)
Request for Different Scribe Body Type
Herewith, applicant (herein referred to as Appellate) requests to be the recipient of scribes exhibiting characteristics described therein, in order to be in compliance with Section 215, Subsection F, Subsection 25, Paragraph 4 of the Laws of Outer Tilog. Applicant herein certifies that they _______ (Write have or have not) read the Law in question and understand and agree with it.
Desired Scribe Body Type (Choose One)
Fat and Juicy: _____
Other (Please specify:______)
WC-070-A (Revision A, Part 1, Section 1)
Application to Know the Time and Manner of Applicant’s Death
Appellant, herein refereed to as applicant, herein referred to target, wishes to know the time and manner of target’s death. Target’s preference on this subject, which may or may not be given any import, is hereby stated. (in all cases, check all applicable)
Target would prefer to die during:
___ Sunrise ___ The Afternoon ___ Sunset ___ Midnight _____ A Specific Hour (write the hour in)
Target would prefer to die by:
___ A Sword ____ An arrow(s) ____ Decapitation ____ Burning ____ Cooking
Or write your own:
Target would not mind, in the time before or after their death, serving as:
___ Target practice ___ Dueling dummy ___ Dinner ___ A lab experiment ___ A zombie
Or something else:
Of all the ways to die, Target would least like to die by:
Please list all phobias, fears, or traumatic past events. Please note that anything found to be a lie will make things ten times worse: (and remember the official OTDFBRT motto: "Things can always get worse. We guarantee it.")
The OTDFBRT is proud to announce that the response process for this form is the best out of the entire library. Petitions will be responded too within a week, at most.
WC-104-5 (Revision D, Part 3, Section 4)
Declaration of Blackmail
Herewith, Recipient, (herein referred to as Victim), is notified that they are being formally served with a notice of Blackmail, and are required to return service via form WC-104-6 (Revision C, Part 1, Section 1) to acknowledge their receipt of the demands contained within this document. Failure to comply within a reasonable time frame will result in the blackmail being actioned, in accordance with Outer Tilog Code EXT-355-A. Outer Tilog, and related parties, are not responsible for any harm (physical, social or otherwise) that might occur as a result of the release of sensitive information in association with this notice.
The Recipient is hereby requested to: _______________________________
WC-104-6 (Revision C, Part 1, Section 1)
Acknowledgement of Blackmail. Herewithin, Recipient, (herein referred to as Victim) wishes to acknowledge that they have received a blackmail demand properly outlined in form WC-104-5 (Revision D, Part 3, Section 4). Victim wishes to make the following declaration in association with the blackmail demand:
Victim wishes to: Comply with demand:______________________________
Victim herein also recognizes that they accept full responsibility for any actions taken as a result of this administrative action, and will not hold Outer Tilog, or associated blackmailers, liable for any damages suffered. Victim hereby declares under penalty of perjury that they have truthfully and honestly answered the Acknowledgement, and in the event of a discrepancy between the Victim and the Blackmailer, Victim will have to fill out form WC-070-A or be forced to work as an Apprentice Clerk in the Office of Rejections in OTDFBRT, or both, whichever we find most amusing.