Outer Tilog (Realm)/Ye Olde Bulletin

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A copy of the OT Ruler Bulletin as of June 2022. Note the "last updated" date. We love continuity...

Ruler Bulletin

last updated by Lich King on 2004-12-27 16:01:08

Outer Tilog

Welcome to Outer Tilog, the only democratic realm in the Colonies. Once you enter, you'll never want to leave. I'm sure our locked gates won't influence this in any way. May Chon'sqothex the Many Tentacled Fiend smile upon you and ooze his unspeakable liquids onto your undeserving body!

Your citizenship in Outer Tilog has been approved! As a noble of the society, you're entitled to as many slaves as you can keep chained to your leg, and a good seat at the daily executions, stonings, and poetry recitals by convincted psychopathic killers. All weapons of torture can be purchased for half price, and you'll find that our well-trained and incredibly evil guards may even grunt respectfully in your direction. Should you rise amongst our ranks, they may even remember your name. What a prestigious role for you!

While in Outer Tilog, abide by our rules. The punishment for disobeying is, of course, death, but that is also the punishment for pretty much everything, including being innocent (being innocent of any crime is considered an offence under Outer Tilog law.)

  • The word of the High Council is to be obeyed. You'll be able to recognise them by their spiffy ceremonial robes, and the fact that they get the best seats at sacrifices.
  • Any vegetables you have must be given as a burnt offering to Ghon-shugoth, Winged Flea God of Jealousy.
  • This is a democracy, so you have a voice. The question is, is anybody listening? If you're polite, you'll get answers. If you're rude or try to talk in some arcane way, such as using numbers for letters, you'll be sent off to work in the Bone Mines digging for bones.
  • It's illegal to wake up at exactly 3:56, as per the Fourth Black Book of Uunchungch the Flayed Parlour Magician.
  • We realise that you may have family and friends beyond the walls of Outer Tilog. Be forewarned that it is competely illegal to send them any messages, or reveal anything you learn within the fortress to anyone other than your comrades. The punishment for such a thing is death, followed by flogging, followed by being fed to your own zombie.
  • Don't look up at the moon on Tuesdays, as you may just see the celestial eyes of the Leering Space Demon Nnnn'ngkyn, which will drive you mad. Your insurance does not cover this.
  • Try not to leave without advance warning. Your activity is appreciated by Black Hagoon, the Filthy Beggar Deity of Punctuality and Evil Flower Arrangment. To do otherwise is to tempt his wrath.

Please proceed to your dwellings and do not encourage the beggers by giving them money, as they feast on human flesh, given the chance. Congratulations! You have the chance to make something of your pathetic mortal life. Try not to waste it. Your first duty is to read the other bulletins and obey the standing orders of the General.