The Giblot Gestapo Gazette/Issue 16/Wetham Rebellion
 The Giblot Gestapo Gazette
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| Special Issue | The Unlikely Uprising | 10 Gold |
| Rebellion in Wetham! | |
But three days ago, the Colonies saw it's sixth uprising in about a year begin. Our realm, Giblot already holds the accolade for most rebellious realm on the continent, taking part in half those uprsings. So you can be forgiven for suspecting Giblot rebelling a fourth time. No this time Wetham began an uprising. Though Wetham still gets an award. They are the only realm to prevent a successful rebellion thus far in the Colonies entire history. Perhaps theres more to those quite little Westerners than anyone initially thought? I myself have no idea what however - the Wethamese can barely bludgeon a few ill equipped Assassins! In any case, with no further ado, here is the speech that started off the shortest rebellion in Colonies history.
"Nobles of Wetham,
Some of you may not know I was king here for sometime. While I was king someone started putting a bounty on my head. And then they brought the Grue here from the South-East Island. They were the cause of my being captured and losing my Duke title. For some time I hunted the Grue. For if I could but capture one I could get it to tell me who their dark lord was. But as hard as I tried I could not find them. So I was forced to step down and go to the shadows to find them. Still they alluded me. Then one night I was awakened by the dark armoured man in the shadows. He told me who wanted me dead. It is none other than our current King, Asbjørn! I have vowed to make him pay and the time has come. Join me in overthrowing him and his evil ways. Once he is gone the Grue will wander off, probably to Outer Tilog, and not be heard from again. Help me purge Wetham of this evil and make it a wholesome pleasant place again. A place where children can play without fear.
von Mellenthin Spearhawk"
Well thats very interesting. The former King of Wetham, of many many years, called for an uprising not in the name of reform, of deposing a despotic ruler (though were sure Asbjørn is a lovely guy!), of making a fair system of governance or anything else in fact. No, von Mellenthin led an uprising in the name of a...large bounty. We must admit, even our very own Frodo Reborn wasn't quite that selfish as to make a rebellion entirely about himself! We understand a 1200 Gold bounty is quite a large burden to bare. Then again, we at the Gazette would say that its perfectly reasonable that von Mellenthin placed the bounty on himself, what with him belonging to one of the richest Noble houses in all of the known world. Not that he will have been doing that badly for himself anyway. von Mellenthin did receive a Kingly salary for almost as long as Eugene the Terrible of Ale bad afterall. Though I can think of better ways to spend my money. I mean there are plenty of Ales in the world to try and well, you can never have a large enough torture chamber! Use your imagination folks!
Anyway now on to that grue. Sources close to the King of Wetham suggest that Asbjørn decried the grue as a fanciful invention almost immediately, suggesting it was all in his mind. Here at the Gazette were not quite sure what a grue is. Though it sounds an awful lot like 'gruesome' which I usually associate with having to clean up after dealing with a few dissidents in the torture chambers beneath our Headquarters. Yeh, I think we'll go with what Asbjørn said in any case. King Asbjørn also rejected all charges that he had conspired against von Mellenthin. Sure some of you may believe otherwise, but the outcome of von Mellenthin's uprising seems to suggest that you stop entertaining those naughty thoughts pronto. Or else.
So in closing, as previously mentioned in the June Edition of the Gazette, we'd like to point out von Mellenthin's double standards. This man previously spoke out against Rebel leaders and rebellion in general...which makes us glad to report that von Mellenthin's rebellion was crushed within a day of announcing his opposition to the leadership! From our sources we suspect that von Mellenthin's support was very weak to non-existant. Though his pockets were apparently still full to the brim as it seems he has done a Thanatos, that is to say he fled the continent as soon as he'd realised how abysmal he had performed. A shame really, this story could have been so much better with news of an old fashioned, public execution in it's pages. But alas, you can't have it all! We duly wish King Asbjørn and his administration a jolly old time in removing any remaining dissidents and getting Wetham back into shape. Perhaps with the extra income the dissidents are no longer taking up they can finally start really giving those mangy Assassins what for!