Fox Talks/Caergoth Tournament/Brander's Song

Brander the Skald after much Grog, Mead, Whiskey, Orange liquid, and a cup of the disgusting substance known as wine is clearly drunk from all the free drinks. Seeing the infamous El Cid talking to Bergelmir grabs a nearby cloak and some butter knives and with some quick modifications somewhat resembles El Cid with his knives. He then jumps on a nearby table and begins to speak.

"I the devilishly handsome and deadly El Cid would like to tell my greatest adventure that involves me and me wife."

Brander than begins to sing in a throaty warble.

The Seven drunken nights of El Cid

As I went home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door where my horse ought to be
Well, I called me wife (HEY WIFE!) and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that horse outside the door where my horse ought to be?

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you cannot see
That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled and a hundred miles or more
But a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat behind the door where my coat ought to be
Well, I called me wife (HEY WIFE!) and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that coat behind the door where my coat ought to be?

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you cannot see
That's a wool blanket that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled and a hundred miles or more
But buttons on a blanket sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe upon the chair where my pipe ought to be
Well, I called me wife (HEY WIFE!) and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that pipe upon the chair where my pipe ought to be?

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you cannot see
That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled and a hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a tin whistle sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two boots beneath the bed where my boots ought to be
Well, I called me wife (HEY WIFE!) and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns them boots beneath the bed where my boots ought to be?

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you cannot see
They're two lovely geranium pots [or chamber pots] me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled and a hundred miles or more
But laces in geranium pots [or chamber pots] I never saw before

And as I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a head upon the bed where my head ought to be
Well, I called me wife (HEY WIFE!) and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that head upon the bed where my head ought to be?

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you cannot see
That's a baby boy that my mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled and a hundred miles or more
But a baby boy with his whiskers on sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Saturday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two hands upon her breasts where my hands ought to be
Well, I called me wife (HEY WIFE!) and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns them hands upon your breasts where my hands ought to be?

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you cannot see
That's a lovely nightgown that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled and a hundred miles or more
But fingers in a night gown sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a lad sneaking out the back, a quarter after three (I think it may have been closer to 2:45)
Well, I called me wife (HEY WIFE!) and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who was that lad sneaking out the back a quarter after three?

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
So drunk you cannot see
That was just the tax man that the Queen she sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled and a hundred miles or more
But an Abington who can last till three I've never seen before

After his song Brander promptly falls over and passes out.