The Order of Da Great Goat/Proverbs to better understand Da Way

Proverbs of Da Great Goat

"The Barrel of Ale", as told by Shamus O'Shea

One day as he was grazing in Ambermel, two nobles came before Da Great Goat with a disagreement. Each man claimed that the barrel of ale they had brought with them was his, and that the other man was a liar.

"Oh Smelly One," they said, "please solve this disagreement and return this barrel of ale to its rightful owner."

Da Great Goat thought about this for a few minutes, and eventually bleated out:

"Bring forth a sword."

So a peasant ran off and hurriedly returned with a sword. Da Great Goat spoke again:

"Now cut the barrel in two."

Perplexed, the peasant did as Da Great Goat said. He took his best swing and split the keg neatly in two. The two arguing men were speechless as they watched the ale spill all over the ground. Da Great Goat began eagerly lapping it up. Finally after a few minutes, one of the men spoke up:

"Oh Hairy One, how did cutting the barrel in half with a sword resolve the matter of who the rightful owner was?"

Da Great Goat, raised his head, beard dripping with suds and said:

"Ale belongs to whomever is currently drinking it. Suckers."

Moral of the story: Ale is for drinking, not arguing over.

"Da Way to Da Ale," as told by by Dielo Filador

There was a great meadow. In it was Da One. He was surrounded by a large crowd of people, listening intently to what he was saying.

"I am Da Way and Da Truth and Da Life. No one gets to Da Ale except through me."

Now there was in this time, a great man. (whose name, for the record, is unknown). A faithful follower of Da Way for his whole life, who well respected among the people for being so faithful. He stood in front of the crowd and spoke to Da One. "O, Great Hairy One. I am your humble servant. Show me the secrets of your ways, so that I might become your faithful priest on Earth, to enlighten those who do not know of Da Way."

Da Great Goat smiled and said, "BURP," and promptly swallowed the man whole. The people were alarmed, and asked Da One what he was doing. Da Hairy One replied, "The true secret of my ways is Da Ale. And no one gets to Da Ale except through me."

And so the people waited. Some were rather disgusted by the notion, but did not complain. About three days later, Da One farted a great fart, and out flew the man. (most of the people around passed out, but that's beside the point). He was unharmed, but needless to say, he did not smell particularly nice. Indeed he was downright repulsive, but the people saw that the smell seemed to please Da One, and it was then that their noses were opened, and they smelled that Da Great One carried a similar scent all of the time. And thus it was that the name Da Smelly One was given, and soap was outlawed, so that all could be blessed with a smell to shadow that of Da One. As for the man, he again asked about the secrets of Da Way, and was replied to with a hearty "BURP" from Da One.

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