The Oligarchian Observer/Edition:4
| http://wiki.battlemaster.org/images/Oligarchcrestnew.jpg The Oligarchian Observer | ||
| Cost: Free, unless, of course, you are Sirionite, Fontanese, or Old Rancaguan | Supreme Master of the Newspaper: Hireshmontspace | Volume: 4 |
| The only newspaper that can laugh at itself! | ||
- THE newspaper for the truth about events on the Oligosirionifontanagua Front of the Great War!
- Disclaimer: This paper DOES NOT represent the official opinions of the Oligarchian government, merely a general accounting for the public.
- Whenever we say, "Facts", what we mean is the explaination which best fits the evidence of action, not words.
The End of the Issue
February 23, 2006- Finally, the affair with Paris/Lucifer is over. It seems Lucifer has indeed been slain, and Paris lives. Also, it seems Paris has an heir, though the details are yet a bit foggy. Seems everybody is popping babies right around now! On the same issue, Paris has been banned for his actions prior to his ejection, his unwanted return, and his actions as Lucifer. Oligarchian courts do not consider insanity an excuse. Thus ends this tale, until next time.
Word on the Heir to Old Rancagua!
February 23, 2006- Fuinur's male child, right on time or a bit late, is named Elros, after Fuinur's ancestor. Word says the child looks quite the little Numenorian(does anyone know what exactly a Numenorian is? perhaps some obscure ethnicity within Old Rancagua?). Prince Elros has entered the world.
Fuinur Is Annoying
February 23, 2006- Removed as per agreement.
Defeat in Karbalah
February 23,2006- Our raiding force, after pillaging our way merrily through Fontanese territory, decided to attack Karbalah. Unfortunately, due to utter lack of scout reports and very disjointed TL movement, we lost. We had about 1/2 of our raiding party attacking. Guess where the other half is? Scattered all across Fontan, in about 5 pieces. Well, maybe they can gather up squirrels to aid them in destroying Fontan...
New Grand Justiciar
February 22, 2006- Oligarch has a new Grand Justiciar. After Donna Ragna was captured, and Paul was wounded, we lacked a GJ, and Justin won, and all the votes for Paul were cast out of the election. SO, our old GJ is back, it seems! Welcome to the post, Justin! I didnt even know you were runnign! Did you?
Lil Fuinur's Lil One
February 22, 2006- Well, it happenned. Ragnell had a baby! Right on time, too!
CHAOS IN OLIGARCH CITY!
February 21, 2006 In a turn of events I'm not surprised about at all, seeing as it fits perfectly with what I've seen of Paris, Paris has begun a systematic elimination of his foes. First, Donna Ragna's capture. A coincidence? I doubt it. Second, he calls himself a sorceror, infested by one called "Lucifer". Third, he has killed multiple Oligarchian guardsmen, and word says he is attacking Lord Paul, the Minister of Finances! If we had a judge, any judge at all, Paris would be banned, preferably executed. UPDATE: It seems that guards have been dispatched to capture a mysterious assassin wielding exploding devices. At the scene, New Hope, Ammeria, and three orange-sashed black-robed martial artists screaming, "FOR QYRVAG!!" have been spotted. The guards seem intent upon arresting them all. UPDATE: Events seem to be spiraling out of control! Explosions and crossbow fire are rife in the living quarters of the Oligarchian nobility, break-ins have been reported in Hireshmont's room, the death toll escalates. Word says that Paul and Paris are locked in deadly dance of death. A duel to the death has ensued. UPDATE: A massive explosion has been reported in the residential area, shaking the building to its very foundations. UPDATE: After being chased out of Ammeria's room as they arrived in the middle of a... romantic moment between Ammeria and New Hope, the series of events in the residential quarters has come to a close. Now... back to Paris vs. Paul! Blood has been drawn! We await the final results, with both fear, and eagerness. UPDATE: The duel ended very dissapointing, Paul and Paris were both wounded, thus Paul was knocked out of the election.
Interim Judge Elections
February 21, 2006 Fontanese forces captured our goodly Grand Justiciar, Donna Ragna, while she was lagging behind in our raid through Fontan. Thus, interim elections are beginning! So far, the candidates are Paul and Thrump. My vote goes to Paul, because he's my friend, a great person, has lots of experience in the upper echelons of government, and is one of the most trusted and experienced of Oligarchian TLs. He has been with us for a very long time, and is on good terms, ideal for negotiating, with our enemies. Oligarch needs a Grand Justiciar who can broker deals fairly, and unbiasedly. Paul has experience doing this, as Banker and other positions. This message brought to you by: The Paul Campaign(Hireshmont=self-appointed campaign manager).
Paris Has Returned
February 20, 2006 Yes, he's back. When he came back, he immediately began spinning off tales of how we clearly couldnt accomplish anything without him, and went back to his typical ways. Haughty as usual. But, oh well, he's Paris! We expect that from him.
I wish we had that much cash!
February 19, 2006 So, we're looting in Viseu, and I pulled of 100 gold in 7 hours of looting. I really wish Oligarch had that kind of income! I mean, really, Fontan has, what, three cities, and 2-3 townslands? We have three cities, but definately not the townslands! Anyways, it makes for an abundance of great targets! I think I may lead a group of us more active people on a Lillith Hunt Safari... that'd be grand fun.
In Braga
February 17, 2006 Yes, we're back in Braga again! We decided it'd be bloody fun to go attack deeper into Fontan, so we are. Thats all for now.
Spy Hunt
February 16, 2006 Well, it seems Sirion, and Fontan I believe, are having a spy hunt! Thats always nice! You'll never find'em boys. The spooks are slick, slicker than your counter-spooks. Have you tried lookin for Love yet? The clue is merely days behind you. Am I cryptic enough? Well, you'll never catch me, because I'm Hireshmont! MWAHAHAHA!!! Mark your calenders boys, your dooms are nearer that you think! Hmm... I'm feeling excited... we need a wine keg in this print shop...
Lil Fuinur
February 16, 2006 It has been brought to the attention of the editor of this newspaper, me, Hireshmont, that Fuinur himself reads our paper! Hello there Fuinur! Any other of you prestigious people worldwide? If so, I'd like to offer to send you your daily dosage of the Oligarchian Observer for free! See, typically it costs a bit to ship out papers worldwide. But, I'm feeling generous, so any rulers, generals, bankers, judges, or dukes who read this paper, drop me a hello in the Suggestions Box, AKA-discussion, and you can get your copy TOTALLY FREE AND SHIPPED TO YOUR DOOR! Why? If I'm insulting you and you never learn of it, well, that takes all the fun out of the insults! If I'm complimeting you, I want you to know! So, take care, all ye powers that be.
On All Sides
February 16, 2006 So, Arnaud is absent for now, so I, Hireshmont, am our temporary general. Funfunfun. 9k OR in Poitiers... 23k Sirion/Fontan in Commonyr... oh, didnt I mention that? We took out 3k of their forces in Oberndorf, but then they shifted down to meet up with the Fontanese in Commonyr. Hopefully our little raiding party out of Ashforth will force'em to draw back a bit. But, who knows!
==Bad Luck and Sirion== February 15, 2006 So, Sirion sent 7k to invade Oberndorf, and monsters popped up somewhere or other. I think I understand Sirion's tactics now. Send in enough to run a TO to lure us into attack. The turn we attack, they move in with the rest of their army, and defeat us. Its really infuriating actually. Oh well, we'll just go around and hit Sir Temple through OR lands! SARS BATTLEGROUP SHALL RIDE AGAIN!
==Simultaneous== February 14, 2006 For the first time in recorded history, the "Northern Trinity"(see below article!) has functioned with some semblance of organization. Fontan distracted us(Fontan is usually the bait, and we're only too happy to oblige) in Greatbridge, and we obliterated them, and they fled to krimml, level 4 walls. Then, the same turn, OR began a TO of Poitiers, and is sending in more men by way of Gadlock. Next turn, a Sirionite invasion force will be arriving in Oberndorf by way of Tabost and Trinbar. So, for the first time ever, they function as one! Almost. They still were broken up by three turns(maybe enough time to swing by and crush Lil' Fuinur!).
==The Deity Complex== February 14, 2006 Want some proof that Doc/Fuinur/WhomeverhapppenstoruletheAnarchyofFontan believe they are deities? 1. They refer to themselves as "The Northern Trinity". mmhmmm. Sounds like a CULTIC RELIGION! 2. Sir Temple is almost exactly in the midway point of their alliance. 3. Their insane diplomacy. Doc declared war on Caligus... because they attacked Ibladesh... erm.... I fail to see the connection. UNLESS, Doc thinks he has some sort of divine right to dictate island-wide diplomatic affairs! That'd explain the entire affair! *bows before a small idol of a morbidly obese Doc* By the way, does anyone actually know what Doc LOOKS like? I mean, has anyone ever MET the guy? Personally, I think he doesnt exist. The only way he seems to communicate is in letters that mysteriously pop up around the island mere moments after his scribes(scribes=telepathic creatures) write(write=telekenetically conjure) them. So, there's a rant for you to try and decipher!
==Intolerable In-Laws== February 14, 2006 Lil' FUinur just attacked Poitiers(Pronounced- PWA-TEE-AY. Not POY-TEARS), which is slightly unexpected. Want to know the amusing part? Queen Ragnell's family is from there! Imagine the irony! Fuinur is attacking his in-laws! Gossip says that thats the ACTUAL motive for the WHOLE WAR! Fuinur hates the in-laws! What a pitifully petty king. If he were my king, I'd poke him. I would firmly poke him in the belly button with my pointer finger.
Can you say VICTORY?
Well, we crushed a number of Fontanese skulls today in Greatbridge. A solid victory for Oligarch, once again! It was 19k vs. 18k, so definately a close fight. But we came out the decisive victor, and we halted the TO of Greatbridge. Objective- COMPLETE. Final CS- Oligarch 9750 CS, Fontan 2300 CS. Final troop count- Oligarch 1067, Fontan 734. I'd call that a win. Nice try Lillith, but we win this round. Well, for that matter, we'll be winning this war. : D
Greatbridge again
The Fontanese are in Greatbridge again... running a TO... You'd think they would at LEAST get creative, you know? Say, try for Commonyr every once in a while, throw in some variety and spice things up a bit! But noooooo, they want to ALWAYS FREAKING ATACK THE SAME PLACE. Oh well. We'll kick their posterior rumpus ends in the same place every single time.
Disturbance of the Peace
For the past day or so, there has been a heated debate raging that is reaffirming how Oligarch works. Paris issued orders again(not his role), and then spoke severely disrespected Donna Ragna when she respectfully ordered him not to do it again(she is the GJ). Then, he proceeded to adress many other TLs angrily and disrespectfully. Since then, he has been asked to leave, and the TL who provoked him somewhat (me) has been fined.
Volume 4: IN PRINT!
Volume four is HERE!!! Same layout as last time, 'cause I like it a bunch, and its easy to update. Not much to report on besides that... maybe I should get one of those Avamarians to write a song about the Oligarchian Observer.