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Welcome to Nighthelm Weekly - Home of the Rubber Chicken -

Shortly this page will unfold the history of the Rubber Chicken. Or not? Come back later.

This is a place for the people of Nighthelm to post their propaganda, funny conversations, and other things.

Coming Soon

The new Edition of the Nighthelm Weekly has been released!

January 14th - Volume 1, Issue 1

Dec. - Jan. 14th

War - Full News Coverage on the War

Nighthelm, Soliferum Alliance is shattered

War has broken out between the Southern Realms. Failed negotiations concluded with the alliance between Nighthelm and Soliferum being recinded after King Gul'Dan and the Prophet Thraymn's attempts to peacefully resolve the continued tensions with Soliferum leadership failed. The continued disrespect and deciet directed towards Nighthelm Nobility was in full play at the meetings frustrating our good King until he finally could no longer bear with the futility of the situation. The Armies of Nighthelm had made camp in the woods of Idaol and in Batesaor for many weeks, prepared for such an unfortunate end to the negotiations.

High Marshall Sarig ordered a dual strike on Alanurs and Cutnipaniel, hoping for a quick resolution however the forces of Nighthelm greatly underestimated Soliferum's defences. Our valiant forces were overmatched against the walled defenders of both Regions, despite resounding courage on the part of Nighthelm's nobility they were forced to withdraw and calculate a second move.

Lunaria Joins the War Effort

As Nighthelm refitted in Mashakon word came from their Southern Ally that Lunaria, having suffered grevious injuries to her honour and name from the leaders of Soliferum, that the Grand Lodge was prepared to join in the war against Soliferum. Having suffered numerous threats against their Realm, been publicly denounced amongst the Rulers by Soliferum as evil and vile the Lunarian people had finally decided to strike back at the words of Soliferum with Actions of their own. At news of this a small contingent of refitted Nighthelm troops -- The Warriors of Hadthes -- made their way to Ortedail to aid the forces of Lunaria. During the build up for forces a defector came from Soliferum and provided letters of communique between himself and the leaders of Soliferum, indicated they had planned to assault Lunarian and wished to see both Gul'Dan and Ziode dead, despite public proclamations prior that had claimed they held no ill will against either Realm.

Again a Dual strike was launched this time Lunarian and Nighthelm forces assaulted Azohib with the remainder of Nighthelms forces assaulting the newly dispatched militia in Cutnipaniel. The assaults were successful in their intentions -- the defensive fortifications in Azohib were utterly destroyed during the fighting, rendering the region open to further assaults. The attack on Cutnipaniel drew a considerably larger portion of the Soliferum mobile force and it was stunted however it allowed for an organized withdrawl from Azohib.

A Feint at Alanurs

In an attempt to draw Soliferum troops away from Lunarian lands the full army of Nighthelm marshalled in Batesaor. This combined force was powerful enough to take Alanurs if it was not reenforced by Soliferum. As predicted they moved a large portion of their forces to hold their northern most city, this should have allowed for the assault and reclamation of Azohib to Lunarian rulership. However Lunarian troops were unable to make the assault before a Cease-fire was called across the island due to the actions of crazed militia and civilians.

The Principality and Svunnetland sneak-attack Hutael!

In a shocking turn of events Zonasan troops were found amassing along the edge of Paplarmi in what was an obvious precursor to invasion. When confronted by King Gul'Dan the Zonasan King Bleys first defended his troop present as required to defend against a "Build up" of Nighthelm forces in Hutael -- those forces including the 15 militia, 50 man unit of the local lord, and Duke Goldenowl who was returning to his city of Batesaor. Furthermore when asked to withdraw his troops from the border -- despite having nearly 6,000 CS worth of militia in the region to begin with -- Bleys responded that Gul'Dan had no right to tell him where he could have his troops and responded by ordering his troops into Hutael, which was now only defended by the 15 local militia. This 15 man militia force was apparently such a threat that it had required the majority of the Zonasan army to defend Paplarmi from these local men who wished only to defend their homes.

Furthermore Svunnetland troops arrived a day later to aid the Zonasan forces, though neither side had openly declared war on Nighthelm nor indicated that they were so upset with Nighthelm that they were prepared to attack our Realm. It is most unfortunate that Svunnetland and the Principality both felt that negotiations were not appropriate and would rather make war than deal in peaceful negotiations to resolve differences.

Executions by Soliferum!

Reports have come from Soliferum of extortion and torture of captured Nobles, indeed our very own nobles have been returned to us, beatened and bloodied by their Judge, robbed of their belongings. However Lunarian Nobles have been executed after being captured by Soliferum forces. Indeed Fredrick Stormreaver, Cousin to our good King Gul'Dan, was slated to be executed by Soliferum after he valiantly at the risk of his own life provided documents indicating Soliferum had plans to assassinated his Cousin and Ziode.

Tally. We're keeping track of people executed in Soliferum's lands during this war.

Executions by Soliferum to date: 1

News from Across the Island

Crazed Militia assault Nobles across the Island

In a shocking and totally unpredictable turn of Events Militia across the entire island rose up and attacked the Nobles of their own Realms this week. This twisted turn of events has been blamed on many possible candidates -- Drugs, Sex, and Rock and Roll take top on conservative issues, though loyalists to their Realm suggest a secretive Communist movement designed to overthrow the Noble caste, perhaps run out of these new "Adventurer" ilk. While not apparently blamed for the action there can be little doubt the Chaos Requiem had something to gain from such conflict and the weakening of Realms. An Island wide Cease-fire was declared until the crazed Militia were dealt with.

The Dead Walk!

As the war was starting in the southern Region of Nighthelm a strangely timed event occured in the North. Massive armies of undead rose from the graves and lashed out -- assaulting Apelen, Hatdhes, and Razrpot. In the midst of the slaughter the people of Apelen declared alliegence to Antoza hoping that their armies could save them since Nighthelm forces were in the South occupied with Soliferum. Hatdhes and Razrpot both were on the brink of seceding before the battered armies of Nighthelm, fresh from the defeats in Cutnipaniel and Alanurs could return to aid the people against the vile armies of the Undead.

Sources from the Imperial Nighthelm Secret Service reveal that all indications point towards a necromancer raising the dead to assault Nighthelm while her forces were battling Soliferum. This vile occurence timed with the Removal of Conan by the Titan's themselves has many in the Intelligence community speculating that the necromancer is none other than the former Prime Minister of Soliferum himself!

Colasan rebels against Lasanar!

Duke Doyle declared Colasan and it's duchy independant of the corruption of Lasanar several weeks ago. The fledgling Realm quickly gained the support of the Southern Realms who pledged their support to defend against Lasanar. This turn of events has denied Soliferum the support of it's northern powerhouse ally in it's own war against Nighthelm and Lunaria, however fortune smiled on Lasanar as the new leader of Colasan, Doyle, has suspiciously gone missing mere days after seceding his city from the Realm. The power-hungry man believed to be the leader of the Chaos Requiem, Valion, was quickly sworn in as the new leader of Colasan. Intelligence leaks indicate it is believed that the CR is responsible for the disappearance of Duke Doyle. With a known member of the CR now in control of Colasan the support of the southern Realms quickly evaporated, leaving Valion alone to withstand the combined might of Lasanar and their Allies.

Valion, CR member slain in duel against Senoske

Valion, suspected leader of the Chaos Requiem, was slain by Warlord Senoske in death duel this week. Hildr's Chosen was stunning in victory, easily dispatching the Demon-worshipper. This is a most glorious turn of events and the Elder Gods should be praised for Valions soul now is condemned to Hel's eternal watch.

Tyrades from a Tyrant!

Ranting from Senoske himself!

Is it just me, or has the intelligence requirement for being a ruler utterly VANISHED these days? Brightly colored blocks, children’s macaroni pictures, hand drawn political maps, cookies… THEY JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND SIMPLE CONCEPTS REQUIRED FOR DIPLOMACY. A King should hardly have to justify invading his neighbor, if he wants more land, then TAKE IT. Nothing wrong with a little conquest… Just a little. But even worse is when a King has all the justification in the world, and HAS TO REPEAT HIMSELF. REPEAT. Nobody makes a King repeat himself, you just don’t do it. No, you don’t do it. See, look at this! I’m repeating myself. I am laying down a ground rule for further tirades… NO REPEATING. Got it? No repeating. From henceforth I will state things once, and if you cannot comprehend, then I suggest you go sit down with the young nobles at the academy and repeat your earlier basic language comprehension courses. I know Vikings who haven’t been schooled a day in their lives who are more academically fit for ruling a realm that some of the clowns on the Eastern Continent (OOC notice: references to the Eastern Continent means Far East. Western Continent refers to the East Continent. Confused? Good.). For example:

Letter from Gul'Dan Message sent to the Rulers of this world (13 recipients) Rulers of the Far East, Based on several large moves in diplomacy lately and the rapid change of politics on the island, our relation will have a few changes shortly. The only one I care to comment on beyond the obvious is the drop of relations with SoC. This in no way indicates a change in our feelings for the realm but they are still allied to Soliferum and thus interfering in our conflict. The peace is still an alliance in my eyes but is a peace on paper for the Gods. Atop the charges already laid against Soliferum is the breach of the treaty they signed with Lunria and the blatant attempt to weasel out of the fight they're nearly pushed us into. Pretend to want out of it all you want, what you really want is for us to back down, and that's not happening. May the Gods have mercy on us all.

Sir Gul'Dan King of Nighthelm, Marshal of the Nighthelm Imperial Elite

Clear, and to the point, correct? No way to confuse what this means? I thought not… But apparently I WAS WRONG.

Letter from Octavio (just in) Message sent to the Rulers of this world (13 recipients) Gul’dan I always thought of you as a friend and a resonable man. But I do not see why you attacked Sol. You said it was because of priest being put out the door. But yet most realms on this island have that same rule but you dont see us attacking each other over it.

My realm and Sartina have been fighting relgiously for quite some time now, the priest are forbiden from each other realms but when one steps in the others they are arrested or attacked but that does not end the trying. And it sure has not started a war yet.

So what you are doing does not make sense.

Octavio, Moronic Popular Guy Who Seized Power.

Gul’Dan clearly states EXTRA reasons to go to war with Soliferum, in a clear and concise manner. Yet Octavio claims it to not make sense. Do they drink salt water in the North? Conan of Soliferum must have caught onto this trend as well.

Letter from Conan (2 hours, 7 minutes ago) Message sent to everyone in "~V~ Hall of Blood and Battle ~V~" (18 recipients) ~V~ Brothers of the ~V~

I was wrong in thinking that I could turn Fredrick away for his evil ways,

When we faced him with the question of what we found in his personal house in Alanurs, he went insane and fled to the Grand Lodge,

Fredrick is the leader of the CR, we found in his house a chest, in that cgest we found hundreds of documents that shows where King Gul'Dan has been funding the CR with Nighthelm gold, and where Gul'Dan and Fredirck are both high ranking Knights of the Darkness.

I have the letters to show this,

Letter from Gul'Dan (5 days ago) message sent to Fredrick

Cousin, the gold I took from the Nighthelm coffers will be in the same place, pick it up and go fund the Evil plans that you and I talked about a few days ago

Then go and attack Ziode and make it look like Conan ordered it, We shall see the fall of the ~V~ and the rise of Evil before to long

~/\~

Sir Gul'Dan King of Nighthelm

Frederick is known to sign his letters with ~//\~, notice the mistake at the end of the letter, notice the errors in the heading, and WHO THE HELL SAYS STUFF LIKE THAT! Go and fund the evils plans that we talked about a few days ago. Hey Conan, how about we go and put into motion the evil plans my foot has been plotting? The one involving it kicking in your THICK skull.

Old Headlines

Current Council (and others)

Martyr : Gul'dan (His voice was as sharp as a knife - Bounty: 1000+ in gold when it was collected. He was that good.)

King and High Marshal : Thraymn (Three Times elected as King, two times appointed as High Marshal, two times appointed as Duke of Masahakon, once elect as Arch Priest, once appointed as Duke of Hatdhes, Founder and Prophet of the Order of the Elders. A man of many... titles?)

Former High Marshal : Sarig (Our enemies know why)

Former Arch Priest : Quattro (Do we hang this prisoner or are we polite? We are Nighthelm, we are polite)

Royal Treasurer : Goldenowl (Is found changing the tax day all the time. Has been recently found to be magnetic, attracting money and daggers both)

Trader : FiveR (You never know were he is, till he returns with food)

Self-appointed Minister of Propoganda : Senoske (Is said to be a descendant of the Rubber Chicken, ate Einar's cookie)

Guy around the block : Mirtas (Has severe personality problems. Calls himself sometimes Ingus, Johanzoon or Johan)

The Other Guy : Scion (Deals with all of these people every day - "Don't ask...")

Regions and Cities of Nighthelm

Duchy of Masahakon

Duchy of Hatdhes

Duchy of Batesaor

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