Asgard Informer/Issue Nine
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| Price: 1 silver coins | 
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Main editors: Xaphan, Smeagenwulf |
 Kafuffle in Ashmoor
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| by Xaphan Vanimedle |
| June 1ST, 2009 |
| Since Darkan raids seem to come around so often Lord Mick The Slasher of Ashmoor decided it was high time to build them some hotels in Ashmoor, to spare them the trouble of setting up camps and living in tents. Naturally the Swords-for-higher turned down the idea of such a permanent residence. HOWEVER it was later revealed that this chain of hotels was actually made of the famous fleet of Ashmoor! Which was direly needed to intercept the shipment of waffles coming in via Shiverwood, read the next article for further details. |
| Lemming scouts starve to death
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| by Xaphan Vanimedle |
| June 1ST, 2009 |
| So we send out some scouts to go scout around, they thoroughly search the areas designated and report back summarily. Though they then summarily sit there and starve to death, while reporting there own deaths in a dispatch to us. Yes we certainly did not expect that. But due to their not so great sacrifice we learnt of a plot, by Lemmings to import a shipment of waffles! We assume they meant to import the outlawed substance of Pancakes and Pancake Syrup, but being lemmings they got it wrong. |
| Diplomacy finally paying of, Ceasefire with the Makarian Pseudo Viking's
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| by Xaphan Vanimedle |
| June 4th, 2009 |
| After much talking, Norland and Barony Of Makar agreed to a formal cease fire, the main reasoning for this being to place pressure on Minas Ithil and to get the paperwork out of the way for the verbal agreement.
Diplomatic News Norland and Barony of Makar have ended their hostilities and agreed to a cease fire. |
| Military High Command Recruitment Drive
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| by Xaphan Vanimedle |
| June 6Th, 2009 |
| In an attempt to invest in the Norlandic youth and the Yeti childlings, the MHC began a military reshuffle and the recruitment of young Viking pups into its midst. The result of this was Marshal Aric being replaced with the capable, young Valak The Viking, and Valak being replaced as Second In command by the promising young noble Claid Roderick.
"Young and aspiring Viking Norlanders! Now is your chance to shine! We in the MHC are bored of each others company and we are looking for some fresh blood, to victimise and distract ourselves with. Should you want to become a servant to the Norlandic Military High Command ask yourself this, do you have any of these qualities? -Able to think of on your feet, without getting your feet mixed up with other peoples feet -Able to differentiate me, Xaphan from a common house peasant -Capable at creating stereotypes for enemies -More than willing to be the butt of so many poorly thought out jokes -See the above? -Please specify? -If you can read this then your overqualified -Congratulations you've got the job -Your fired, shoulda turn up to my office sooner." |
| Peace with Ithil? Say it isn't so...
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| by Xaphan Vanimedle |
| June 16Th, 2009 |
| After long talks with Queen Katherine of Minas Ithil our Konungr Xaphan has brought Norland to an amicable peace agreement with Minas Ithi. This comes after long talks spanning over more than a week, and Minas Ithil being brought to the bartering table by Tara and Caergoth, Tara attacking mainly to ensure peace talks whereas Caergoth had an ulterior motive. The move for peace brought much controversy and criticism of Konungr Xaphan, however Xaphan chose to follow the will of the public, which after much talk was swayed to agreeing to the treaty. But only after it was tightly written to protect Norland's sovereignty and interests and also beneficial to Norland plus including the handover of Mansbridge. Without to agreement to handover Mansbridge the treaty talks would have fallen through, due to the Norlander's agreeing that Mansbridge would be a deal or no deal point.
Many Norlander's where dissatisfied with the idea of peace, and remain so, but understand and accept the need for peace and rebuilding. Konungr Xaphan promised that Norland's interests would be protected in the treaty and that he would make it clear to all parties involved that Norland would remain fully independent, that they would have no claim over Norland, and that Norland would refuse to accept any sort of traditional surrender or allow the notion to foster that Norland would be another realms "Whore". Also he promised a period of rapid and extensive rebuilding, not seen since the end of the L'estonland war, in order to prepare and equip Norland with the means to defend itself and seek vengeance on those who abused and took advantage of Norland's situation, and so gravely betrayed us. However former marshal and long standing avid Norlander Aric Grimstone announced he would leave Norland for Caergoth, out of protest to the treaty and the fact Norland was brought to such a situation. |
| Our Konungr, near assassinated in a multitude of attempts
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| by Xaphan Vanimedle |
| June 16Th, 2009 |
| Much shock horror has been scene in Norland after a series of assassination attempts where launched against I, Xaphan, which I now report to you from the safety of a locked bed chamber. My story begins in a forest, which I was happily skipping along through until ... I was gravely mauled and chased by a Magpie. But the horrors did not stop there, I was later assaulted by an angsty, pancake wielding, burly manual labourer (Editors note: Pancakes are still a highly illegal, volatile substance in Norland) After surviving these two attempts and a several hour attempt to clean my fur I once against stepped outside my mansion, only to be ran over by a crazed, old person wielding Zimmerframe. |
