Difference between revisions of "Toren Herald/Old Issues/Karibash"

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''- Karibash the Great''
 
''- Karibash the Great''
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title = A Challenge to Chat|
 
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article = Dennis, the Editor of the [[Taselak Tribune]], has posed the following challenge to the <i>Toren Herald</i>: <blockquote>The major players fighting battles are only our realms of Toren and Taselak. This paper asks the Toren Herald to give their views on their allies no-show, and share any thoughts they have about it.</blockquote>Unfortunately, the lone editor of the <i>Toren Herald</i>, [[Arete Family|Averyll]], was unable to speak intelligently upon the matter.  However, a coworker, who prefered to remain anonymous, informed us that she overheard [[Arete Family|Averyll]] mumbling something about a [[Sandalak]] resurrection.
 
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While the <i>Toren Herald</i> would like to respect the wishes of that individual to remain anonymous, there is at this time only one person who works for the <i>Toren Herald</i>, so it is obvious who the anonymous coworker is, and we thought it would be appropriate to point that out.<br><font align=right><i>- Averyll Arete</i>|
 
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title = Somebody takes notice!|
 
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article = In a breathtaking display of immodesty, the editor of the [[Taselak Tribune]] has noticed the existence of the <i>Toren Herald</i> and claimed partial credit for its creation.  The <i>Toren Herald</i> does not dispute his claim, of course; we just like the sound of the word "immodesty".
 
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On a related note, [[Arete_Family|Averyll]] has writen another article!  Upon news of new news, all of the peasants on the [[South-East Island]] rejoiced.  It is reported that the illiterate peasants were particularly pleased.<br><i>- Averyll Arete</i>|
 
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title = Ikalak Completes TO of Ibyp and Adrelhia|
 
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article = Yesterday, [[Ikalak]] completed their takeover of Ibyp and Adrehai, which returns to [[Ikalak]] two of the four regions taken from them during the [[Sandalak]] resurrection.  As a result of these gains, [[Ikalak]] now controls 16 regions, the greatest number of total regions controlled by any one realm; however, Paladin Primus Cyperus, Duke of Toren Stronghold, reminded the nobles of [[Toren]] that even though [[Ikalak]] is our foe, we are currently working together against the common enemy of [[Taselak]].
 
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Rumors spread that [[Ikalak]] will strike Sandalak City next.  Having seperated Unlib from its capital, the fourth region is expected to fall rather quickly, wiping [[Sandalak]] off the map... for the second time.<br><i>- Averyll Arete</i>|
 
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title = Views on Wives|
 
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article = Did you ever notice that the word "views" and the word "wives" share the same letters of the alphabet?  It makes me wonder what other things these two words have in common.  I have a lot of views.  I do not have any wives.  And the word "have" appears in both of my statements about "views" and "wives".  The similarities increase!
 
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The <i>Toren Herald</i> is committed to uncovering the truth, so do not worry, faithful readers, we will keep you posted on the latest research into this most urgent issue.<br><i>- Averyll Arete</i>|
 
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title = A War of Words|
 
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article = Apparently, the [[Ikalakian Times]] and the [[Taselak Tribune]] have a bit of a feud between them.  At the time of this publication, neither newspaper had mentioned the <i>Toren Herald</i> even once, perhaps because we are of such great repute that they do not dare engage us in a war of words.  Or perhaps (and in fact what is more likely the case) neither is aware of our existence.  Of course, a third possibility would be they just don't care.  Regardless, the <i>Toren Herald</i> enjoys reading the other [[South-East Island]] newspapers.  We do not recommend you buy other newspapers, of course, but if you happen to find one on somebody's porch, you should feel free to remedy that person of his or her need to be literate.<br><i>- Averyll Arete</i>|
 
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title = Looting continues in Kail|
 
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article = The looting in [[Toren]]'s midwestern regions continues, the concentration of these attacks being in Kail.  Recent reports indicate that a sizable force of [[Taselak]] troops is camping in Kail, some estimate greater than 4300 combat strength.  It is the official position of the Toren Herald that all looters from [[Taselak]] should be sentenced to death by lingchi.<br><i>- Averyll Arete</i>|
 
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title = Cyperus demands news, Averyll supplies paper|
 
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article = On November 6th, [[Cyperus]] pointed out that [[Toren]] was the only realm on the [[South-East Island]] that did not have a newspaper, and he suggested that someone create the <i>Toren Herald</i>.  [[Arete_Family|Averyll]] answered his request, created the newspaper and wrote its first few articles.  It is the hopes of all those involved that others take the initiative to assist [[Arete_Family|Averyll]] in the continued development of what is sure to be the only newspaper left on the [[South-East Island]] after Tor kills everyone else.<br><i>- Averyll Arete</i>|
 
 
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Revision as of 10:49, 10 March 2007


Toren Banner8.gif Herald
Price: Pious Loyalty In the beginning, there was only Tor, and the beginning has a lot in common with the end. Issue Number: 1

Creator/Editor in Chief: Averyll Arete
Contributing Editors: Karibash the Great (others forthcoming)
Defend your honour!
As she seems to be enjoying her place of authority I've decided to show what happens when you say the wrong thing to the wrong person. I expect that next time I see you, Lynsey Habap, you'll accept my duel challenge! I decided to not challenge after you made a fool of yourself, claiming Ikalak is bribing us despite the lack of ability to transport money between realms out here. I started to wonder if I should be mad after you didn't even know that after over 200 days out here. But then I saw your joke. You wonder if I stomp while writing? Let's see how it feels when I stomp on your head after you lose our duel!
- Karibash the Great
Taselak's honour fades and defeat in Falens
As some might've seen, Taselak tried to forge my writing. No idea how it happened, but painting yourself black and standing on stilts seems to fool lesser nobles. Earlier today, it came to light that Fenrir was TORTURED. Isn't there an agreement against this? Where is Taselak's honour?
On a side note, we suffered a loss in Falens due to an infiltrator. Despite half the realm finding him, he managed to escape in the commotion (OOC:Got the good end of a glitch)
- Karibash the Great
Ignorance abounds in Taselak! And Lies!
The Taselak Tribune has a new reporter, Lynsey Habap. And she is showing ignorance beyond all, refering to Maximus as Ikalak's king and claiming there were bribes paid for our alliance with Ikalak. I hope that she stops this slander and stupidity, before I am forced to close her mouth permanently!
Update
In an attempt to cover up their shame, the Taselak Tribune has changed references of Ikalak's 'King' to Prime Minister. One must still ask, how can someone not even know who is leading your enemy? How far is this ignorance rooted in Taselak?
Another Update
Lynsey has refered to our TO of Lesthem as including murders. Unfortunately, these people always believed in Tor seeing as WE WERE THEIR LORDS FIRST. Can such slander and ignorance be tolerated?
Another Update?
It seems that the high circles in Taselak have taken to lying... a pity! We expected a good fight.
- Karibash the Great
Lesthem Recaptured!
Lesthem was recaptured today, the peasants were glad to be under the protection of Tor once more. Unfortunately, their RL is Zel.
UPDATE
Reoppressed... alas!
- Karibash the Great


Blind Mute Yells at Judge then Preforms a Pirouette and Leaves the Courtroom
A blind mute was charged with inventing fried chicken earlier this month after she blew up a farm. When asked why she thought she wasn't charged with witchcraft she said "I chose the farm specifically. I guess I just have to praise Tor!" Yesterday at court, she was faced with the charges and the outburst occured.
- Karibash the Great
Misconceptions
A headline in the Taselak Tribune proclaims that Toren is crippled. Unfortunately for their story, we Toren don't need a great leader proclaiming what to do every moment. We have an infallible military heirarchy that allows us to attack in three separate, but weaker, waves. Congrats on not investigating your stories!

- Karibash the Great

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