Redspan Revealer/December Edition 2006/Inquisitorial Goat

The Inquisitorial Goat

Karnak yelled encouraging words to his men as they lifted the Inquisitorial Goat to the top of a hill.

"Yes that's right chaps, position it a few paces to the right wot and we'll be right as rain and ready to go! I'll show those soap loving heretics to build a mockery of the 'Inquisitorial Goat' and say it was their idea!"

As the men struggled to finish filling the gargantuan construct with goats and ale while still leaving room for themselves Blaga waddled over to Karnak.

"Um, sir, I think that the drunk you met was just talking about the same giant wooden goat. He may have even been the man that escaped from us."

Karnak laughed at how naive his scribe could be before pointing out,

"That's impossible Blaga, everyone knows drunks can't lie! Now Get in the 'Inquisitorial Goat'! I spotted a group of undead and I think they might be the ones that make the fake goat and stole my idea!"

Blaga stared at where Karnak was pointing and replied,

"Um, sir, those are old people. I think it's a retirement home, not a group of undead. Maybe we should aim the goat away from them."

"Ah, poor Blaga. It seems that the undead have cast their magical spell upon you and now you think they are old people. Get in the goat and tell everyone to blindfold themselves and get drunk to keep from being enchanted. We're going to destroy those undead and their fake goat before they destroy our great nation!"

Blaga continued to try in vain to convince Karnak not to attack the retirement home but Karnak had already made up his mind when he cast of the brakes and sped down the hill. If the old people had been able to see further than 10 paces in front of them they would have been greeted with the sight of a Giant wooden goat filled with 50 barrels of ale, 32 drunk and blind-folded soldiers, 28 goats, a fat and sweaty scribe, and being driven by a naked man covered in red curly hair and wearing a cape made out of the flag of Redspan.

Karnak (Knight of Meldeen)

Off to Rogeshore

The 'Inquisitorial Goat' smashed through the retirement home with ease. Blaga took a moment to stop cowering and stare in amazement at the fact he wasn't dead. Before he could savor his small victory Blaga was snapped back into his normal life of chaos as Karnak yelled out a war cry.

"Men get ready! looks like there's an even bigger horde in Rogeshore! lard up your weapons and hold onto the goats old chaps, its time to show those undead what the 'Inquisitorial Goat' can do!"

Karnak's orders were met with a few drunken moans as his men became even more intoxicated from the ale flooding the inner compartment of the giant wooden goat. Apparently the collision with the retirement home had broken the barrels of ale open and caused them to empty their contents.

"Karnak, sir,um I think that we should turn around. It looks like the attack on the retirement home made a few of the locals angry and now they've formed a mob and are chasing after us."

Karnak turned away from "steering" the wooden goat and looked back to see a massive group of peasants armed for war chasing after his band of crusaders.

"Looks like the undead managed to infect some of the peasants. Thanks for volunteering to hold them off Blaga, you're a good man."

Before Blaga could protest, Karnak had shoved an axe into the scribes hand and tossed him off the top of the 'Inquisitorial Goat' with wishes of good luck.

Karnak (Knight of Meldeen)