Sandalak (SI)/Sandalak Roleplays
- 1 Jane Fletcher Chamberlain
- 2 Keirdynos Karstark
- 3 Bluetooth Mercator
- 4 Hinya Raven
- 5 Isabella D'Anglos
- 6 Fyodor Oblomov
- 7 Enkimahru Dragoness
Jane Fletcher Chamberlain
Corruption of the Puff
After the debacle of the cretinous Puff, and now accusations of corruption from the lazy and incompetent Enforcer, Jane once more stood before the wall of blood. One of Dinkle Puff's 'friends' stood before her, and it was with distaste that she drew her blade across the belly of a man who should have been a good Sandal but who had been corrupted by the cretin. Reaching her three fingers into the wound, she renewed the blood daub to her eyes and began writing on the wall...
Taking back Adreliha
The travelling chest teetered slightly as she took a place above them all. The councillors and administrators had crowded into the large chamber... many bringing wives and children to see the spectacle of the Pythia of Sandalak.
She cleared her throat gently, treating them to a warm smile.
"Adreliha... I am so pleased to be back amongst my loyal people..." her smile froze as she scanned the room. She cocked her head listening with satisfaction to the absolute silence of all but the bated breath of her audience. "But wait... you no longer fly my banners..." She feigned puzzlement. "Before I welcomed you with open arms and treated you to my peace... now it is otherwise..." She flicked her wrist and her men descended on the room like a pack of hounds. Gasps and screams began to echo with the clamor of metal bone.
She stepped past he throngs daintily, almost whispering. "I shall take your oaths soon enough, I suppose..."
The man shuffled before her, head bowed, cap twisting in his grip. His chin wobbled irritatingly as he sought for words. She kept her face friendly with the wide simpletons smile, though she imagined her irritation must be obvious to the more knowledgeable observer.
Eyes flashing in what she hoped was an encouraging way she drawled crisply, (something few people she had ever known could manage), "Yes?"
The sweat beading on his brow now rolled fluidly into the creases of his chins, "Your esteemed, magnificence...." she raised an eyebrow in distaste, "Your... your Greatness?" She raised a second eyebrow this time in disgust.
"Silly, silly wobbly man, greatness implies fat, which you are and I am not... as to magnificence, perhaps when I am old... something I never intend to be I will accept such a title. For now, 'Your beauteous Majesty', 'True Queen' or simply 'Esteemed True Mistress of the Southern Isles'... but whatever you think really."
The man looked at her uncertainly, She realised she hadn't blinked for a while, something people often found disconcerting. She made a deliberate effort and blinked three times, smiling widely at the man.
He promptly wet himself.
Sobbing he began anew: "Your... Your beautiful Queenlyness?" she huffed blowing her fringe from her eyes but let it pass.
"I assume you have come to offer your oath little wobbly man?"
He looked at his feet and the small puddle in which they now stood. "Well you see, your Queenlyness... the Ki..." her eyes changed and he cut the word before it saw his throat cut: "the false King of Ikalak, he promised us access to the Single Market... apparently it means trade without borders and what not... I'm not sure what what not is and I wasn't really sure about trading borders and all that but could you maybe give us the same"
The man was clearly mad, she had no concept of what he was talking about... nothing was 'free' it was all the property of Sandalak... that he should try to bargain with her... well...
She smiled again in a way she hoped was beneficent, though the man paled visibly before her. "Bring in his prettiest daughter," she reached for her cudgel. The girl was ushered in between two of her men, Jane paused letting the cudgel fall to her side. "...this is the prettiest? ... you are positive?"
Turing from the girl she said sweetly to the man: "I see your punishments are daily looking at that ugly mug every day... have you been tupping a goat.. or do you have a wobbly sister you know a little too well?"
She turned to the men. "She is affront enough... break his balls so he can't make anything worse."
She picked up her skirts and tread daintily from the room as the wobbly man began to squeal like a pig.
The wobbly man, bowed before her, breathing heavily through his mouth as the swelling in his face clearly made it difficult to breath through his nose.
She smiled benevolently: "You come to give your oath?"
Sobbing quietly the man nodded. She stretched her hand that he might offer his troth. As he bent forward she thought better of it, pulling her hand around and patting him on the back.
"Marvelous, marvelous... there's a good chap!" she noted breezily as she left the mayoral chambers to its sobbing occupant.
The Failing Enforcer
Puffed up Sir!
I demand satisfaction of you for your assault on my region!
Region Control Activity (2 hours, 25 minutes ago) Dinkle has ordered his men to raid suspected insurgent peasants in Gwohadda, capturing some of them. Morale in the region falls 10 %.
There was no need for that act in my region!
Judge Sofia, i demand a duel with Puff!
The Reckoner Defiant
Heh. we've had issues with our previous 2 judges, puff and then sofia de lancelot who sabotaged the morale of regions.
Couple that with the fools that marched the wrong way from Sandalak when you bunch of Ikkies kicked our doors in...
That said, i had a good fight and stove 3 of yer commanders in the face.
WHO WANTS MORE SANDALAK STEEL!!!?!?
We're NOT BEATEN YET!!!!!
The Pirate Sings the Blues
Bluetooth stumbled around the camp, rum in hand, admonishing his soldiers for their poor performances in the past. This was totally inaccurate, of course, because hardly any of his men survived the previous engagements with the enemy. Regardless of the facts, Bluetooth continued to lash out at his men while they trained. He figured, drunkenly, that the scolding would entice them to become better soldiers, and perhaps they wouldn't die needlessly against the vain merchantmen of Ikalak.
Bluetooth's rampage wasn't always taken seriously. As stated, he had rum in his hand, and anybody that knows Bluetooth knows that a bottle of rum rarely stays full when it's in his hand. So his tirade tended to be flecked with rather ridiculous pejoratives...
"Git to it ya scrubby boonswagglers!"
"That ain't yer mothers pee-diddler! Hold it like a man!"
"Yer blockin' like a con-flabbit dinklewart! Ya got that shield fer a reason you peck diggler!"
"Jones! What in holy hobbiton are ya ogglin' at ya spiney sea goop?!?!"
Bluetooth yelled loud enough for everyone in the vicinity of his camp to hear. He thought he cut the impressive figure, training his men like this, but many of the senior troopers merely chuckled behind his back, knowing he would pass out in a drunken stupor soon.
The Pirate Sings the Blues... again <hic>
Bluetooth blinked at the bright sun as he walked out of the Ikkies' dungeon. He had been left there for 5 days with naught but water and bread. It was an affront to his sensibilities as a true pirate to be sober for such a long time.
As soon as he could manage it, he walked (without stumbling, mind you, which is an unfortunate thing) to the nearest tavern and bought 5 bottles of rum. Nobody questioned his presence, for as a trueblooded sailor, he blended in with the 'company' types of Ikalak. Bluetooth detested their do-good ways and their annoying prostrations to 'the man' but he thanked what gods there were for this fortunate turn of events.
With the rum in hand, he proceeded to down his first bottle within minutes. He let the warmth of the brown liquid move through his body for a few minutes before opening the next one. Bluetooth, lacking any real money after buying the booze (which, to be fair, was money he nicked from locals anyway), couldn't afford a horse and began the long trek home to Sandalak.
"At least" he thought to himself between swigs, "I'll be... *hic* warm."
In defence of the Tactician
"My lady, messengers from lord Fyodor and marshal Crimson have arrived, shall I let them pass?" asked captain Hildebert. Hinya answered: "Just bring me letters they were carrying and send them back to their lords. Also call my scribe."
Few minutes later...
Young scribe ran to Hinya presence, bowed and asked: "You called for me, my lady?" "Yes I called for you, otherwise I wouldn't need you in my presence?" answered Hinya with annoyed face and continued: "Captain give him the letters, and I need you to read them." "Yes my lady," said both. Scribe began with Fyodor's letter: "Our Tactician maybe a good leader..." At half of the letter Hinya stand up, hitted her fist with full power into the table and yelled: "THAT WEAK MINDED IMBECILE, OUR JOB IS TO COLLECT HEADS, NOT BATTLE REPORTS!" rising her fist from table and sitting down and trying to calm down, she asked her scribe to continue.
After scribe had finished both letters, Hinya ordered scribe to call other scribes and also get their ink,quills and lamb skins.
"Now start writing what I tell you." said hinya. "Count Fyodor, are you truly that blinded or just..."
A plea from the Judiciary
Okay Nobles listen up!
I need prisoners to hang, so caught as many as you can!
The wisdom of barflies 1
Somewhere in a small tavern near Saenna the local Lord was drinking his days away when the kitchen wench came dancing through the door.
"Whats it now?"
-"Havent you heard?"
-"The Pythia is talking to her soldiers!"
"Let her speak and give away useless titles..."
-"But ever Knight wants a title so he can claim a fair lady..."
"Like you? Begone wench...."
-"So why are you still here if you hate it?"
-"You are by far the most honouless bastard I have met in a long time!"
"Easy now before I will have to punish you again..."
-"I still wonder why you havent left yet..."
"Two against one? Where else can I find so much fun....?"
The wisdom of barflies 2
Sitting in a small tavern in Gwohadda the Lord of Saenna was talking to the Innkeeper:
"Well, at least its a bright night..."
-"Well, the flames are nice but I dont like the stench..."
"Indeed, they could have at least burned some of the corpes instead of just dumping em in the sea..."
-"Got nothing to say gainst a good ol drunkard... but those lads from Ikalak wont pay!"
"Who can blame them? Soon all this land will belong to them..."
-"I heard the army is in Yaihan preparing to strike!"
"Strike? Like the CRIMSON STRIKA?!"
-"Still wonder how that oaf became Tactician..."
"Tried to track down his family on other continents but..."
-"Let me guess... nothing?"
"He just went off silent as a fart..."
-"Most likely some of the old clans sending a nameless champion to do their dirty work..."
"Has it really came this far?"
-"Ill get us another ale..."
The old ways
Enki gathers his scattered men at the feet of the walls of Sandalak.
Glaring at Captain Trubald he presses between his teeth: "Who do you think you are to order a disperse and hide of my troups? What was on your mind?"
Trubald pales and whispers back: "But Milord! You where wounded! My priority was to get you out of the line of action!! Otherwise the Cavalry had over run us!"
"Grrrr, I only lost my helmet! I was not even unconcious!", Enki sights. "Gather the men!"
"Milord, the battle was at dusk! Now we have dawn! You where unconscious for nearly 10 and a half hour!!"
Slowly looking around, and getting familiar with the layout of the Walls of the City, Enki realizes that he is at the southern walls, and in his mind east and west was mixed up ... "Papperlapp! I just took a nap! Gather the men!
Captain Trubald gives some strange hand signals, which get distributed by the lieutenants in sight.
"Ok, listen up! On the field we have not much chance next round. But all men know the secret passages into the city via the hidden sally ports, right?"
Trubald grins, getting the idea ... "Milord, certainly not all. But we have enough trustworthy men to lead the rest".
"So, we sneak onto the rampage, manning the small bastion towers and sniper the enemy nobles and captains and lieutenants next battle. The men should stay out of sight, kill guards, take their colours and try to hide in the embrasures!"
Trubald nods and instructs his underlings accordingly ...
"My the old gods be with us! For the Wyvern!"