Atamara Independent/Issue 5
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| The Atamara Independent | ||
| "If ya read it here, ya knows it's da troot'!"
|
Issue 5 | |
| OT CITY FALLS; REALM DEAD! | |
| Ja, okay, so when da Giblotonian forces beseiged Outer Tilog City on da Colonies yesterday, da defending OT armies did what dey've always been known fer - some a dem tortured deir own men, odders rushed out ta deir own slaughter outside da walls, an' da remainin' fellers jumbled up deir lines in a patented "Cavalry Opening With Archers Shooting Their Own Horses While The Infantry Goes To The Tavern" defense.
So, da "Realm dat ain't like any odder" is now like a whole lot a odder ones, namely Ubent, Yssaria, Redspan, etc. Only time will tell if a daemon invasion will be enough to resurrect dem dis time. story by Sven |
| NO END TO BT WOES | |
| Showing that they will stoop to any level in order to keep their choke hold on the "Most Dastardly" title, reports indicate that Vlaanderen have opened yet another portal to the Netherworld. This reporter asks what is wrong with these pathetic little commoner fellows that they cannot complete such a simple task as finding a few stones to plug up a hole? They seem a little preoccupied with gaining their nobility, is my thought. We have none other than the desecration known as Old Grehk to thank for that, sowing the seeds of illusions of grandeur in their little heads. Perhaps a little more beating up and arresting is in order? That, and making an example of the commoners turned kings by looting them to the ground and salting their fields with their own sweat? I am sure order can be restored to the island directly. story by Fruedlich von Jinkleheimerschmidt, War Correspondent for the Independent |
| FOOD PRODUCTION ISSUES LINKED TO WEASELS | |
| In an important development today, agriculturalists on Beluaterra have traced that island's food production shortages to damage caused by the unexpected proliferation of Mustela judisicus, commonly referred to as the Lawyer Weasel. These weasels, whose sleek backs are impervious to any type of sticking or cloying substance, are most known for their long, torturous winding tunnels that can undermine the most stable of soil beds causing the ruination of entire grain fields.
Extermination efforts are underway, but all nobles are asked to help on their own estates so that this blight can be eradicated once and for all. story by Gertrude, Garden Specialist for the Independent |
| FREE PASSES LEAD TO TOURNEY WIN | |
| The first tournament on the East Continent in a very long time brought a somewhat tainted victory to Sir Bellonngian Sinweaver, Cavalier of Caligus. We say tainted not because Sir Bellonngian is by any means an undeserving victor, but only that he was aided to this resulted by two wildcard draws in the late rounds and the almost childish first round opponent of Lady Clarissa Yorke.
It has to be wondered if this was not some sort of political shenanigan by the event's organizers to hand the honor to their staunch ally? story by Tournament Reporter Bjorn |
