Atamara Independent/Issue 1

The Atamara Independent
	"If ya read it here, ya knows it's da troot'!" Head Editor: Ole Junior Editors: Sven, Lars, Lars	Issue 1

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CAGILAN EMPIRE CRUMBLING?

Special to the Independent by War Correspondent Fruedlich von Jinkleheimerschmidt For years now, the Cagilan Empire has relied on fear of its size and resources to allow it to bully the other realms of Atamara - and to keep it out of any actual wars. But has all that peace caused the Empire's legions to become - well, dare we say it - soft? Maintaining the pretense of being everyone's friend has come at a cost, as was seen in this weekend's horrific massacre in Galadia. Most pundits assumed when CE rolled its immense army into Nazia that it would continue gobbling up the western Falasani provinces at will. Indeed, with a strength some measured as high as 31,000cs, there were those who questioned whether or not the Falsani Kingdom would continue to exist as we know it. However, they failed to remember one critical point - an army, if it is to remain sharp and combat ready, must not be allowed to sit around for too long, and must be given opportunities to plunder and enrich itself. The "common" noble lives on week-to-week tax gold. Keep him out of battle for too long, then suddenly lift the looting laws, and you've effectively set a pack of starving children loose in a sweetshop. The CE armies, formerly known for their discipline, set upon Nazia with a looting frenzy unseen since the Makarian raids, and failed to respond to the call to move to Galadia. What lessons should be learned from this? Simply, armies are for warring with, and looting laws created simply for control freaks will bite them when they least expect it.

DANZI UCEEK RAISING HELL

As if CE didn't have enough problems, sources say that Danzi "It's Like Killing Bambis" Uceek, Madwoman of Ikalak, apparently joined the Falasan Realm some weeks ago and may be on the tear again. Uceek, the most feared infiltrator on the war islands, has been known to kill at will and would seem to be the cause of the disappearance of nearly 50 militiamen in the Sauvia region in just the last 24 hours. Can she be stopped? story by Lars

MOSES' SON RUBS OLDER GENERALS DA WRONG WAY!

When Ash Sea Island heroic legend Sir Moses, McGahee got killed in baddle, it weren't long befer his son, Eemoss (also referred to as "Da God-given reincarnation a Moses"), strapped on his armor an' rode ta da...generals' tent, where he promptly rubbed every one da wrong way by tellin' dem what dey should do, even befer fightin' in his first baddle. Apparantly, listenin' ta his pappy's stories while sittin' on his knee an' directin' his own campaign are one an' da same ta young Moses, Jr. Dis reporter noticed dat he jest finally got inta his first fight - mebbe dat'll teach him da difference. story by Sven

CIVIL WAR IN CAGILAN EMPIRE?

All is not well in da empire dat calls itself da largest, greatest, most powerful empire on Atamara. Reporters fer da Independent have heard rumors dat da people a Alatol have takin' deir mockin' a da people a Trawiy ta an unsopportable level, an' dat peasants are grabbin' deir pitchforks an' wavin' deir fists angrily. Lords Caledor an' Karrieal ain't pleased wit' dis story, dat I knows fer sher. story by Ole

DA HOT TEN LOOTIN' SPOTS!

Comin' soon - where ta loot - an' not loot - durin' dese topsy turvey times. We ask our experts where dey'd go ta maximize deir profits.

MAKARIAN HORDE "ONLY ON VACATION"

According to sources close to Dictator Sordnaz, the steady stream of Makarian vikings that have been seen marching south for the past week are "only on vacation" and pose no threat whatsoever to the rest of the island, especially the smaller warring realms in the south. In response to complaints by multiple governments at what they viewed as unwarranted grass trampling, goat stealing and women leering, the Barony of Makar government issued a statement saying that the "BofM is not going on a raid." "Dis is jest a typical spring beach run, don'tcha know?" an unnamed spokesman said. "Da beaches are all frozen, an' da price a ale is goin' up by 40%, so we's are all headin' souse fer a vacation." Despite the assurances, several governments have put their militias on high alert. story by Lars

DA GOSSIP

Rumors dat da feud between da Namtrah brudders, Jens an' Aðalbjörn, has taken a nasty turn, wit'brudder Aðalbjörn now takin' up a collection fer a bounty on da head a da Marshal a Hang's Hand. Aðalbjörn, you'll remember, was da one dat was supposed ta be a priest ta save his fadder from goin' ta Hel, but ran away instead. We'll keep an eye on da bounty board an' report ta youse at it grows. story by Ole