Outer Tilog (Realm)/Poetry

Herein lies the most black hearted speech to ever cross the lips of the Outer Tilogian nobility. Every effort has been made to provide proper credit to the responsible parties, in order to assist law enforcement agencies in apprehending the guilty parties. Those with permanent disabilities, children under the age of twelve, and expectant mothers are not advised to read any further.
And if you think these are torturous to read, just imagine having to listen to Angus or Woefix sing them...

An adaptaion of the immortal words of T'hClash the Earsplitting by Pharmakeus

Dethargos you gotta let us know…
Should we stay or should we go?
If you say that we should police the mine
We'll be here 'til the end of time
So you got to let us know
Should we stay or should we go?

Oh Dethargos with you it is…

Always tease tease tease
You're happy when we knock peasants to their knees
One day your fine, the next your mood is black
So if you really do want us off your back
Well come on and let us know
Should we Stay or should we go?

Your indecision is bugging me
If you don't want us to set these peasant dogs free
Exactly then who are we supposed to be?
This damn peasants clothes don't even fit me

A Hulaferd work chant

as transcribed by Brute Screamking, scribe to Countess Yukiko

Tax collection pay, and the army's ready to work
Talking about the weekend, rubbing Lukon in the dirt
Some heading to slaughter families, some find anyone to hurt
Some hanging out in Hulaferd doing lots of Civil Work.

Working on the highroad slogging through the black slop
Working on the highroad my life is gone if I dare stop
Working on the highroad carting corpses round the clock
Working on the highroad, working on the highroad.

I'll work for the Countess until I'm 95
All day I hold her war banner and pass the other soldiers by
In my head I keep a picture of that terrifying Miss
Someday, Mister, I'm gonna die for her and nevermore experience

Working on the highroad slogging through the black slop
Working on the highroad with no Lukonites to mock
Working on the highroad praying Yukiko doesn't bash my face with a rock
Working on the highroad, working on the highroad. 

A Tribute on the occasion of Chancellor Garm's election

written by Lady Murakama Yukiko, and her Chief of Staff Hors D'oeuvre

I saw Garm with Yukiko's menu in his paws
Walking through the streets of OT in the rain.
He was looking for a place called AYMCA
Gonna get himself a big dish of peasant's brains

HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!  Garm of Outer Tilog.  HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!

If you hear him howling 'round your kitchen door,
You know he's gonna do you in.
Twelve whole families got eviscerated late last night.
Garm's been midnight snacking again.

HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!  Garm of Outer Tilog.  HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!

He's the hairy-handed soul who dug up Holly's Hole
Lately he's been prowling 'round the harbour
Well Moira got bumped off
and though some people scoff
They went and made him Chancellor

HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!  Garm of Outer Tilog. HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!

Well I saw Dethargos walking with the Senat
Doing the Garm of Outer Tilog
Well I saw Dethargos' relatives walking with the Senat
Doing the Garm of Outer Tilog.
Well I saw Garm drinking a pint of blood ale at the AYMCA.
His fur was... perfect.

HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!  Garm of Outer Tilog.  HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!
HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!  Garm of Outer Tilog.  HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!

It's got a great beat, and it's easy to dance to!

A lullabye, Tilogian style

Pharmakeus, Chief Poisoner of Outer Tilog

---

Hush little Garmy, I know what you crave
Pharma's gonna to buy you a Giblet slave

And if that Giblet slave won't bow
Pharma's gonna buy you an undead cow

And if that undead cow actually dies
Pharma's gonna buy you the Lord of Flies

and if that Lord of Flies won't play
Pharma's gonna buy you a virgin to slay

And if that virgin starts to beg
Pharma's gonna beat her with her own leg

And if that leg begins to break
Pharma's gonna carve out a big old steak

And take that steak juicy and raw
Pharma's gonna toss it in Garm's nasty maw

And when Garm swallows that juicy steak down
He'll be the meanest creature in town.

Now nighty night little Garm. You're gonna grow up to be a big big...thing

Makin' A Mess

Adapted to Outer Tilog by Lady Alynna, Countess of Nidalery

Garm the Toothgnasher just a singin’ the blues
Caught Holly with another man
Lit up a serf and did some talkin’
With the back of his hand

She started shakin’, started losing her mind
But he was kicking back and playing it cool
Signed her walkin’ papers
Took the 5:15 to Alowca-zoo

Sing for your supper,
Nobody rides for free
Eat your heart out, I’ll send it m.o.d.

One, two baby what you do
Three, four let me show you the door
You’re better off dead than makin’ a mess of me
Five, six take your last licks
Seven, eight let me give it to you straight
You’re better off dead than makin a mess of me

Now Garm-boy’s out havin’ a ball peeing on patrons at the local bar
Dark corners, hard kicks, he’s on Dethargos Boulevard.
Slick Zane and his gargoyle sayin’:
Sign upon the dotted line!
He shook his head and said:
All I need is dig holes in that Holly of mine!

Sing for your supper,
Nobody rides for free
Take your big time, I’ll take care of me

One, two baby what you do
Three, four let me show you the door
You’re better off dead than makin’ a mess of me
Five, six take your last licks
Seven, eight let me give it to you straight
You’re better off dead than makin' a mess of me

When trouble came knockin’
Garm keeps bitin' like this!

Sing for your supper,
Nobody rides for free
Eat your heart out, I’ll send it s.o.d.

One, two baby what you do
Three, four let me show you the door
You’re better off dead than makin’ a mess of me
Five, six take your last licks
Seven, eight let me give it to you straight
You’re better off dead than makin' a mess of me

One, two baby what you do
Three, four let me show you the door
You’re better off dead than makin’ a mess of me
Five, six take your last licks (lick it)
Seven, eight let me give it to you straight
You’re better off dead than makin' a mess of me

Tilogian Serenade

The tune Africa written by David Paich, Jeff Porcaro and Toto. Adapted to Outer Tilog by Sir Angus, Minister of Offense (MOO) and Lady Alynna, Countess of Nidalery

---

Angus rolled out of bed...he looked over at the Alynna and grinned his twisted grin...he grabbed her by the hair and pulled her too him...kissing her roughly...his inspiration...this little blonde vixen turned muse made his heart sing with an anti-valentine anthem...

Striding to the door he opens it and steps out into the hall...and begins singing in his loud...clear...(not necessarily good...just clear) voice.....

Zane hear the sacrificial drums echoing through the night
But Alynna hears only whispers of some quiet conversation
Some peasant is leaving on 12:30 TrebEx flight
The firelit Iron Maidens reflect the scars that Moira carves in salutation
Darr stopped a man in a helmut
Hoping to find some standing orders or ancient battles
He turned as if to say, 'Get out of my way there is an ale waiting for me'

Chorus:
It's gonna take a lot of virgins to drag me away from the BBQ
There's nothing that Blop or his minions could ever do
Bring the cursed rains down on Tiaro
Detinu just knew Outer Tilog had the things he had to have

The wild Garm cry out in the night
As he grows restless longing for Nuori footwear for company
Yukiko knows what she must do what taste right
Sure as Gildon taints the sweet meats rotting on the field
Pharmakeus seeks to poison what’s deep inside, we've frightened all with what Tilogians have become

(strangled barmaid croak out the chorus... literally)

(torture break)

Hurry , Raaarox a stable's waiting there for you

It's gonna take a lot of virgins to drag me away from the BBQ
There's nothing that Blop or his minions could ever do
Bring the cursed rains down on Tiaro, bring the cursed rains down on Tiaro
Bring the cursed rains down on Tiaro, bring the cursed rains down on Tiaro
Bring the cursed rains down on Tiaro
Detinu just knew Outer Tilog had the things he had to have

Angus finishes the anthem on a low note...to the sound of crockery shattering as several empty ale pints hit the door frame.....turning Angus grins a proprietary grin...complete with its normal twist as he strides back into the room closing the door behind him.

The Chancellor

There once was a Chancellor of Tilog
Who Ruled through a mind-numbing fog
His movements quite shaky
from a brain most flaky
Till Pharmakeus drownt him in a bog!