Itorunt Informer/May '06

The Itorunt Informer
Price: Free! Written by the Alex Exiled and Aurum Bishamon (some editing and input by Ichigo Kurosaki. Yes, the Swordman out of the pits of Hell.).	Bringing you the best of the press from Itorunt!	May Edition

Note of change

From now on we will be signing our articles so that you may know who to credit, whether for good or bad. - Aurum

Tis not for me

Yet again it has been proven that war is not for me. That unit of 7 men, that was mine. Only one lived, and he is wounded. I did not like the idea of leading the charge. Especially in my first battle in months. Also the first battle since I've become a trader and joined Itorunt. Still can't get the stain of blood, nor the stench, out of my clothes. So ends my attempt at a military life. - Aurum

Huge battle, Perdan versus Itorunt... guess who wins?

Thats right! The great troops of Itorunt defended the region of Zawr today, in a huge battle that was heard about throughout the island. The heralds sang of 13K CS of Perdan assaulting the 10K assembled defenders of Itorunt in Zawr. A TL of Perdan was seriously wounded. But so what? Anyone knows that! Our job at the Itorunt Informer is to ridicule the Perdanese with our superior knowledge!

The credit for this incredible victory must go to Robert, Count of Zamor and marshal of the army of Semall. In a moment of incredible genius, he commanded the troops of Itorunt to attempt to delay and wound the troops of Perdan. As the forces lined up, many Itorunt troops had to be sacrificed, but their loss was easily overshadowed by the loss of Perdan. For example, tin the first round of combat, Itorunt lost a unit of 7 infantry deployed on the front lines. But this bought time for our archers to inflict heavy casualties upon the attacking forces. The second round of combat: Total casualties: 183 attackers, 98 defenders. What kind of general throws away a quarter of his army on such an assault? Obviously Blacknight, General of Perdan, present at the battle with 18 cavalry of 323 CS.

An anonymous TL of Perdan confessed "Yeah, you destroyed our army." An admission of defeat from Perdan? What next?

Thray, the TL who recently dueled Ichigo, made a few comments: " Hah! That was quite a beating for the Perdies. More than 1000CS difference and we still beat them. If they want to fight a bunch of pushovers they'd better head a little further north." Kalin, teacher of the art of "stabbing with the pointy end", said "Indeed Thray, they learned better than to fight those that know how to stab with the pointy end of the lance and sword. Mayhaps up north they have yet to learn that tactic."

In other news, it has been agreed upon, by many, that Gopherman's unit name sucks, and that as duke of Itorunt, he should have a duty to make one up that's much better. But since he is currently wounded after Zawr, we at the Itorunt Informer hope he heals soon. - Alex

Tournament announced on the East Continent!

Yes, it's true. Some idiot thought it would be a good idea to hold a tournament. Now, I don't know much about the history regarding when tournaments are held on EC, but I know full well that NO-ONE has ever held one within the last 6 months. When it was suggested it was passed off as a stupid idea. And that was for christmas. So what is Lycastus thinking? Who knows?

The fact is, a tournament of Jousting and Swordfighting has been announced, in Light of Fountain (LoF), the continents newest realm. With a hefty prize for the victor (400 gold), it should bring in a lot of nobles from many different realms, and of course, with them, their age old hatreds. But in LoF, an as yet neutral realm, what could be a better location? Watch this space for details! - Alex

Ibladesh's loss of a great hero

Huge Battle Fought (5 hours, 13 minutes ago)
Rumours spread and tales are sung about a huge battle in Beziers:
Ibladesh vs. Perdan
The hero Valgar of Ibladesh (Ibladesh) was killed.

Valgar, who has been mentioned in previous issues, died bravely in battle against the forces of Perdan today. A great person, I had the fortune to fight alongside him many times, and had a great amount of respect for him. In the memory of those who knew him he must live on, and his death shall be avenged at the expense of Perdan. The loss of such a great aid to taking the piss out of Perdan and Ubent is a great shame. - Alex

Caligus and Perdan lose, and the general of Caligus is killed!

Huge Battle Fought (3 hours, 8 minutes ago)
Rumours spread and tales are sung about a huge battle in Aestus:
Yssaria vs. Caligus, Perdan
Estimated combat strengths: 8000 CS vs. 9000 CS
The hero Eagles Reach, the High Marshal of Caligus (Caligus) was killed.
Grendel of Caligus (Caligus) was seriously wounded.

Attacker Victory!

We heard about this battle today in Itorunt, and the fall of Caligus' general marks the beginning of the fall of Caligus itself! Perdan reinforcements are being stretched thin, and the front in Ibladesh is expanding. Oligarch is also supposedly recieving reinforcements from Perdan... that is to say, Perdan is simultaneously trying to fight bravely against the forces of Sirion and Fontan, and failing. Today they had their own huge battle, and lost it by attacking a region up north somewhere which was rapidly counterattacked by a force of Fontanese and Sirionite soldiers 2K CS stronger.

So that means that at last count, the HRA is getting their butts kicked, while Ibladesh is recovering, Itorunt is invading Perdan, Yssaria is absolutely destroying Caligan forces, and Fontan and Sirion are attacking Oligarch and Perdan up in the north. Plus, Caligus is reportedly entering into negotiations to sell Akesh Temple to Light of Fountain... while Yssaria is taking every other region around Domus! Such a stupid move is barely comprehensible... apparently it is being done to ensure that Caligus doesn't have a war on two fronts. We have this recommendation to Light of Fountain: forget that! Invade Caligus yourself! Take Akesh Temple and other regions, while Yssaria helps out! - Alex

Duel between Ichigo Kurosaki and Thray Walsh

Today a duel to surrender between two Itorunt nobles, Thray and Ichigo, took place in Itorunt City. An epic duel, and a matter of honour; it is believed that Thray made a remark about Ichigo's family. The battle raged for quite some time, which is a remarkable feat, given that Thray had confessed to only recently figuring out that it was the pointy end of the sword that went towards the opponent. While both sides suffered superficial wounds, both were acting aggressively, and eventually Thray was cut down by a deep blow.

Now, such a strong success from a young TL such as Ichigo is unusual, and there is much speculation as to what kind of creature Ichigo truly is. The most popular view, however, was made by this editor, and Ichigo has since admitted to the accusation: And here I thought that Thray had mastered the art of not stabbing himself? Or is Ichigo actually a fell swordsman out of the pits of hell? I quiver in fear at the very thought...

Alex (Knight of Ejarr Puutl)

That I am.

Ichigo (Knight of Zamor)

In a statement from Thray's personal trainer, the one who taught him which end of the sword was which, Kalin, gave a statement:

"Indeed Alex, I was the one that showed him that art of stabbing with the pointy end of a sword. However, like myself, we know very little of how to defend against someone also trying to stab you back, also using the pointy end."

We at the Itorunt Informer hope for Thray's speedy recovery, and wish him better luck in future duels.

Ichigo confirms that a lewd remark was made about his family, and also prays for the speedy recovery of Thray. He assures that there will be no hard feelings between the two as long as his family's name is not maligned. - Alex

Our scribes are slacking off!

It is true! The scribes of the world are considering going against the High Tech Game and resorting to sending messages slowly and labouriously! Vote against this today, at the Instantaneous Message Petition! Keep oppressing the scribes! - Alex

Lies from the OCPAU

This shall be short and to the point. The Oligarchian Observer and the Caligan Courier have both spread lies about our statistics. They claim they beat us. They claim they took into consideration our two special issues. That is a lie. If they had correctly added the numbers, they would see we got more than 1,100 views for April while they only got 1,000 each. - Aurum