Itorunt Informer/April '06

The Itorunt Informer
Price: Free! Written by the Exiled Family and Aurum Bishamon.	Bringing you the best of the press from Itorunt!	Issue number 4, Late March

Battle in Al Aquabah

Today the brave troops of Itorunt and Ibladesh stood on the field of battle in Al Aquabah, and looked out across the field at the almost equal number of troops from Perdan and Ubent. As the opposing sides formed up, Barzelli of Ibladesh, duke of Al Arab, Marshal of the army of Al Arab took command of the troops preparing for the Assault against our enemies. The battle commenced, and itorunts brave archers were deployed on the frontline, along with the only unit of MI led by lielo, a new troop leader in our realm. The Archers opened fire, and our well-trained troops scored many hits, and Perdans troops fell against the might. This was a drop in the ocean though, as the next round of combat proved. The Perdanese and Ubentish troops surged forward and the only troops that were in range took all the heat, lielos troop of mixed infantry. These brave troops were targeted by almost all of Perdans archers, and the infantry that had made it to the front lines all tried to attack him and his troops. lielo fell wounded, but the Itorunt and Ibladesh infantry and cavalry had now arrived on the scene, and charged forward as one into the ranks of the enemy troops. The fighting was fierce, and in this round of fighting alone the troop leaders started to fall, including Barzelli who was wounded. The archers put more arrows on string, and as the yell was heard Perdans archers loosed another round of arrows into the fray, most finding their mark. The archers of the confederate forces of Itorunt and Ibladesh concentrated on firing on the enemy archers behind the front lines however, and the screams of pain could be heard even over the din of battle as the enemy troops were hit. Sone enemy troop leaders, such as Gorobei, Balkeese and Isander, were captured by the noble troops of Itorunt, but yet more were captured by Ibladesh. The fighting went on, largely undecided, but after 10 rounds the defending forces were clearly thinned out, and the exhausted enemy troops started to flee the battlefield. The final round of combat saw the last unit of Ubentish infantry take serious hits from the remaining troops, and the enemy archers be shot to pieces. After the battle was won the scene was one of desolation, but Itorunt and Ibladesh had won through, and further troops of Itorunt are inbound from our regions and allied cities.

Agreement signed with the IJARG

Two of the three editors of the Itorunt Informer have signed the agreement of the IJARG, and have agreed to a (sort-of) cease-fire in the journalistic war with the papers of the OCPU.

Interview with Rackir, duke of Isadril

How do you view the war with Caligus, and which way is it going?

My views will shock some people. We went to war with Caligus to make them pay for what Rameriz did when he was king here. The handing over of Isadril to Caligus is what I talk about. We took Supra in payment for his deed. Now that Supra is ours again we should start to look at peace with Caligus. I doubt they will have it though. As far as the war is going, we will win it unless Perdan saves them. We outproduce Caligus in everything. Gold, food, best dougnuts, you name it.

What are your views on their newspaper the Caligan Courier?

Until recently I did not even know they had a newspaper. I guess I should start reading it and see what they have to say.

What do you think of the war in the north?

It is a matter of time before Oligarch dies. I hate to see a realm die, but they and others did destroy Combria. Combria has a special place in my heart from my trading days. Perdan will try to save them, but they can not be everywhere.

What do you think about the war here in the south of Ibladesh and Itorunt fighting Perdan and Ubent?

Sooner or later Perdan will be spread to thin helping Oligarch, and Caligus. Ibladesh will take back their lands. I just wish we could help Ibladesh more as they have been good allies to us.

Do you have any comments you would like to make of your own?

Stop by any of the guild houses of the Order of the Doughnuts and sample our doughnuts. We have the best bakers around. I might add Isadril produces the best tasting in my opinion.

Haikus on Itorunt

To show our love of peace in Itorunt, here are some Haikus:

Itorunt, great realm,
Times of Trouble force us to fight,
When we all love peace.

Caligan Papers,
Spreading discord in our midst,
The truth is our strength.

Propaganda from,
Oligarchian morons,
Is quick in coming.

The OCPU,
Shall not out sell us at all,
We shall win this War!

P.S. We know it's called the OCPAU, but we don't count dead realms.

The Flawed Argument and a Poem too!

The Oligarchian Observer believes they can make a comparison between our regions and their troopleaders proving Oligarch better. If such a comparison is possible, then surely a comparison between our population and their troopleaders should be legitimate. Therefore, Itorunt is more beloved, and inheritantly better, than Oligarch. As for psychoanalysis of your troopleaders, do you not trust them? If you plan to report each psychoanalization, it would be an entertaining read on the mind of an Oligarchian. Perhaps I should suggest that our judge psychoanalysis the next Oligarchian we find.

Now for a poem, to class up our newspaper:

Itorunt, Itorunt
How beloved you are,
You spread peace and riches
throughout the world
like perfume that wafts through the air
Unlike our enemies,
whose odor pollutes the world
people, animals, crops, nature itself
is polluted by the stench of war and brutality

Yet there are enemies
who would wish to end this,
for they wish to live in a brutal world
of war, rape, pillaging, mistrust, and poverty.

Our way is better
oh Itorunt, Itorunt,
wanter of a merciful world,
spreader of peace, riches, family, trust and hospitality

Gopherman, what a great leader he was
The epitomization of what Itorunt stands for
For he brought peaceful relationshions to a wartorn land
If only his successors could share his beliefs of peace
Gopherman, may your days be long

Priotness Vacationing

In a break from the petty squabbling that wars bring, I will give a run-down of what Priotness has to offer vacationers. At first glance, it appears to be an expanse of grass with a miniscule, yet long coastline. However, once you arrive, it is a busting province. The main city, directly south of Itorunt, is filled with many shops to buy trinkets for your family. The city is a true tourist stop. I wanted to relax however, so I only stopped long enough to let go of my scribe and employees. The coastline is beautiful. While it is true, it is not the tropical resorts you might find elsewhere on the East Continent, the ocean is really thought-provoking. I suggest that all those stressed-out governmental leaders visit.

The best part were the underground caves. Most people don't interact with those in the country, therefore they are relatively unknown. Inside, you find all sorts of amazing things. I saw paintings on the wall that compete with some of the best royal painters. The gems, some of which I had never seen before, appear brighter and clearer underground. There is even an amusement park. I hadn't had such fun since I would go hiking in the mountains of Atamara as a boy. The underground trails were fun. I believe they are more extensive than just Priotness, but I don't know for sure. The locals say they have always existed, but they have also added on to them throughout time. Perhaps they are an ancient system of travel that has been forgotten through the passage of time. If we had a couple investigators we could possibly find out. Time sped by faster than ever in the tunnels. I believe I might have spent nearly my entire vacation time in them. I know that I want to explore more later if I ever find time off again.

Outrageous claims by the Caligan Courier!

Although we at the Itorunt Informer are dedicated to truth, and honouring the rules of engagement, the comments of the Caligan Courier and their associated franchise (which we don't even bother looking at, if I wanted to see rubbish I would look out over the fortifications at the forces of Ubent). BUT these claims are outrageous, despicable, and downright offensive to our allies, although I don't mind being in a realm called "the great saviour".

Countering Every argument made by Cartor the Cretin, Duke of Domus

The recent fighting? I believe they have foughten as one, and won as one. Only if we can achieve a battle like that, we can win again. Mainly they just changed tactics, and we are adjusting.

Oh yeah, sure, "we're adjusting", thats just a posh way of saying "we're losing".

Although their new tactics have payed off in battle, the make little progress. Supra will stand loyal to us for very long and will not foil us soon, Yssaria should take notice of that.

Excuse me? Supra just fell to Yssarian forces, and guess what that means? You really do need a scout report, Talless!

Actually I don’t care about the interview, I haven’t read it and I don’t want to. I can’t imagin anything else coming out of his mouth but dum Doughnut jokes and proclamations such as “We will stop this war when Domus is taken, because there is no such place as ‘Home’” His brother was yet another corps, and he himself can’t be anything else than the next.

DUMB DOUGHNUT JOKES!!! You have got to be kidding! Doughnuts are the stuff of heaven, and perhaps if Caligus spent less time fighting... sorry make that LOSING... and more time eating doughnuts they would not be stuck with Yssarian forces outside their front gate. Also, Eleran made it abundantly clear that it was not just Domus that should be taken, but almost all Caligan regions.

Itorunt is ór the leader behind this southern resistance ór another puppet. I believe they are the second, they dance in Ibladeshians favor, and they smile while doing it. Although I had some reports concerning an authorithy clash between Doomgiver and an Itoruntian Council Member that clearly show Itorunt is getting sick of this treatment.

Yes, we are the leaders, we fight, we win, we do it with honour. We respect our alliances, and we think for ourselves. Doomgiver is the Haruspex Maximus, not a general, the disagreement was purely one of him overstepping the mark where his authority was concerned. We are no puppet state, we help our allies in their times of peril. A friend in need...

As my units name was, Itorunt Informer My ***, I will not say they are swines, I will not say they ‘make things up’. But they surely give the people what they want to hear, and if needed they’ll adjust the articles to reach that goal.

We do not adjust the articles at all! We write them from scratch! And this is a bit rich being published in a newspaper which ONLY reports their victories. And how long has it been since thei last one of them?

When Yssaria is finished, Sirion will cry when hearing about the day they declared war on us.

Time will tell. Perhaps Yssaria will destroy your pathetic realm and your head will be on the line long before Sirion even needs to look down their noses to contemplate you.

Ibladesh is finished, Itorunt is the Great Savior, well they’re just buying time for those up north. Perdan managed to weaken the walls of Ibladesh City from a lvl 5 or 4 to only a 2, and now Ubent thought it was time to engage in full strenght. Ibladesh is finished, the best thing Perdan could do now is destroy the army of Ibladesh, ruin the regions, move to the North and let Ubent handle the TOs.

What makes Ibladesh so different from Caligus? The have enemy troops 1 region away from their capital as well, but they have the richest capital on the whole Island, and reliable Allied support. Ubent? Don't make me laugh! We recently felled a hero of theirs in battle, and I seem to remember Perdan losing a noble by the name of Sir Lion? We simultaneously helped take a region of Ubents and a region of Perdan's. We smashed over half their army. So yes, Perdan, run too the north, I still remember when we marched all the way up to the walls of Aix to rout their forces.Ibladesh city has level 3 walls, fool, not level 2.

Itorunt, you are helping your dying master. Sure you can kick me in the chins in your next ‘Issue’, but I’m not going to be reading it, BTW what are you going to say: “Stupid jokes and nonscence”? Well, sorry I brought Eleran into this, I should have known you would want to bring him down.

We took that to heart. We don't publish issues now, we do topics as they come. As you can see, we are having fun ridiculing your stupidity. Remind me to send you a doughniut sometimes.

Predictions?

The fools. Do they seriously expect us to even contemplate being run out of business, when we are supported by ARSE and are even now entering into negotiation for Doughnut assisted sponsorship? We have our own set of predictions:

1. Caligus loses Supra to Yssaria (strictly not a prediction, they were already running a TO)
2. Caligus begs for mercy from Yssaria
3. Talless the Tactical wakes up one morning to realise that half her unit has been mysteriously stabbed/blown up/drugged/recieved diarrhea from drinking laced beer from ARSE to stop the fighting?
4. The Caligan Courier discovers use of the [sic] tag, and finds that they have to stick it all over their topics!
5. The Caligan Courier still cannot spell the word "view"

And on a more peaceful note:

1. Aquire sponsorship from doughnut establishsments
2. Write a report on holidays on the Priotness coast (courtesy of Aurum)

Caligan Courier slagging off our style

The Caligans always think they're so smart don't they? "I'm one of their only viewers", well frankly, it's only been out about, oh 10 minutes? And WE twist their words? We reported exactly what was said, and pointed out the fallacies, which were glaringly obvious, but the Caligans who look at this paper are morons. Some quotes to prove our point: i mean come on, our capital is right next to it! Are you reall that stupid? I though the editors of the Itorunt Informer were just a little smarter than this...

Aside from the absolutely atrocious spelling, if you were so smart then why was Supra taken in the first place? I have seen exactly the same thing happen in Ibladesh with Al Aquabah numerous times.

ive never seen somebody twist the words like they did! Magnificient job!

Did you even look at what Perdan tried to publish when we had our loose TL's hanging around helping Yssaria? We crushed their forces with a bunch of newcomers, and they tried to make out that it was the whole of our army. Of course, this was before they pulled out of the OCPAU.

OH, and under their predictions, somthing about half of my men getting drunk and dissapearing?

Not getting drunk, getting diarrhoea, getting attacked, getting crushed, getting stabbed? And they have something to celebrate?

P.S. Caligan Courier still can't spell view right!