The Giblot Gestapo Gazette/Issue 15
 The Giblot Gestapo Gazette
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| Issue 15 | More amusing than a Tilogian in a jar! | 5 Gold |
| May Edition | ||
| Lukon declares War on Giblot! | |
09.05.06 - Early this morning as the people woke from their slumbers, Valast, Despotic King of Lukon declared war on Giblot. At first the reasoning for this diplomatic posturing was not initially clear, though rumours spread quickly that the declaration had much to do with Moira's suicide in Rollsovar. It turns out the rumour mongers were right for once and Chancellor Alexander has since revealed the accompanying text of Valasts declaration. We would offer you the unadulterated text, but it consists mainly of Lukonite Drivel (propaganda). Heres a quick summary of Valast's speech:
At first the people of Giblot were overcome with shock, which quickly turned to misery with the later news that a tirade by Sera against Valast upon the news of the War Declaration had possibly made things worse. Needless to say, we rounded up the worst of these miserable dissidents and well, by the time we'd finished with them they sure were smiling again! Before you ask, yes attaching claws to somones head to pull the corners of their mouth up into a smile is perfectly inhumane and more importantly, legal! Anyway where was I? Ah yes! Shock, misery then to utter amusement as Martin, Torch and Pitchfork Supervisor of the Assassins Guild, offered to keep out of Giblot's way for the mere handover of Helsera and a protection fee of 500 Gold per week. Other demands mentioned from Giblot's increasing array of enemies is the handover of Steepglades and Rollsovar to Outer Tilog and apparently the immediate deportation of Goergyboy and Sera. Needless to say, Anti-Lukonite sentiment has flown through the roof. Much like the Rollsovan Arrows that pierced through Moira's limbs, guts and lungs the other day! Oh well. Whatever happens after today, all we can say is that we eagerly await the arrival of the first Lukonites into the GGG Torture Chambers or indeed, in Sera's Sarnie Shop. Lukonite and Mayo Sandwiches anyone? |
| The Guild Attacks | |
08.05.06 - Although little is known of the situation so far, it appears that the Assassins have yet again cobbled together a pathetic excuse of an army to inflict their will on the continent. For those of you who have heard of the Assassins invading realms before, you should already have the image of Assassin corpses littering the landscape or indeed the site of our Head Collectors 'recycling' the Assassin remains firmly implanted in your mind! If youre really unlucky you won't have been around to witness the Assassins being forcibly ejected from Seras'hel earlier in the year or indeed, even had the opportunity to use their Skulls in Headball. Not to worry though, plenty more where they came from! Of course the real surprise of all this Assassin assault is that for once, the Assassins arent making a suicidal attack against the strongest realm on the continent, us. No, instead they appear to be attacking their former friend and ally, Wetham in the County of Hulaferd. With any luck, Wetham will experience a similar phenomena to that which happened in Rollsovar last week and manage to dash the brains of the Assassin Dictator against a wall.. Update: 09.05.06 - Why did the Assassin cross into Hulaferd? ... ... ... to loot on the other side! Yes thats right folks, as a result of the Assassins actions yesterday in both attacking and Looting Hulaferd on their way to Outer Tilog, Wetham has indeed declared war on the pitiful Guild. In response the Gazette has learned that Martin has denounced Asbjørn as "nothing more than a power hungry opportunist."
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| Confusion leads to Foolishness | |
03.05.06 - Giblot's legendary fool MGRHA, led an assault on Hilly Holes personally today after suffering another of his rather frequent bouts of insanity. Sadly he managed to hoodwink a few young Nobles and his very own brother to come fight with him in a a battle not officially sanctioned by the current general, Orlak Karantatek. In the orders MGRHA gave to the offending troopleaders, he claimed the reason for the attack was boredom! How he dare claim this when he has a region choc full of dissidents that need to be executed and tortured for their crimes we simply don't know. I mean come on, does he have a functioning torture chamber or what?! In any case, Goergyboy de Militant was quick to fine MGRHA for his actions and also pardoned the troopleaders involved, many of whom did not know any better. In a valuable piece of advice by Sera on the matter, all new troopleaders have also been advised to never listen to a word MGRHA says. Ever. Update: Since the failed assault, MGRHA has claimed to be returning to his region of Drenga to kick it back into shape. However, here at the Giblot Gestapo Gazette we severely doubt whether he is even intelligent to read the road signs back to Drenga, let alone sentence criminals. |
| Moira Na Leodaich Killed in Rollsovar! | |
03.05.06 - Yesterday, the start of the new Tilogian Hunting season was marked in spectacular fashion by the death of Moira Na Leodaich, the Chancellor of Outer Tilog. In what has become a ritualistic tradition for the Tilogian people, Moira accompanied her troops in one of their classic assaults on Rollsovar. You know, the assaults with hopelessly outnumbered and splintered forces? Of course the result of the battle yesterday was no different to the result the last time they attacked Rollsovar. And the time before that, and the time before that..in fact I better stop now. The defeats of Outer Tilog would probably cover several issues. How exactly Moira was cut down in this latest battle is still largely a mystery. Some claim she was crushed underneath the rabble of Tilogians who tried to scale the Palisades, others say Archers on the walls picked her out as prime target due to the strong sense of decay coming from her direction. Personally I'm more fond of the story that as soon as Moira made it over the palisades, she received a crossbow bolt in the eye. Seconds before a javelin also found it's final resting place within Moira's broken body. Of course Moira is not the first Tilogian Council member to fall in a failed assault on Rollsovar. Despyria Eiryn, the Supreme Judge of Outer Tilog was also killed in a particularly suicidal assault on Rollsovar not so long ago. Despyria arrived alone to take on the full force of the Rollsovan militia. I hear that the mockery of a battle that followed was one of the best sessions of target practice the Rollsovan Archers had ever had! The full extent of what this latest death will do to the already fragile Giblot-Outer Tilog relations is not yet known. It has been revealed however, that Valast Hendrix, King of Lukon, had been secretly courting Moira before her death. Some have even whispered that he proposed to her just hours before she died in the unprovoked assault on Rollsovar. Being the cheerful paper we are we'd just like to send our condolences to Valast for the loss of his latest lover. The man has clearly had a rough time since we cast his last lover, Thanatos Reaver, out of Giblot and chased him from the continent. |