Cagilan Empire/Literature of Entertainment

This tome is dedicated to Thruk, our barbarian friend whose memory shouldn't be forgotten. He is truly the greatest patron of Cagilan literature. Most of the following work is his, but the majority of it uncredited as a result of the passing of time and the fading of memory.

Commoners' Literature

The following is literature created by commoners for us nobles.

Thruk's Farewell Song

Thruk packed his bag in the dead of night,
A club, a ball, some peanuts and a light,
"Farewell my friends" he said to the air,
"Miss me not, and do not despair."

He took a step and began to wonder,
"Thruk can't see into the yonder!"
But on he went, his mind made up,
Then on the road, he kicked a cup.

"Hurt Thruk's toe!" he yelled in pain,
And the cup rolled down a drain,
He fell on over, his task forgotten,
"This is getting really rotten!"

But Thruk stood up and began anew,
Yelling curses, black and blue,
"Thruk need a drink, before too far"
"harharharharharharhar!"

And so it goes, Thruk went away,
He really could no longer stay,
His time was up and mission done.
Thruk walked towards the rising sun.

Thruk's Bard

"There once was a fellow named Thruk"
"Whose head too often got struck"
"A toothless Barbarian"
"He ain't no Librarian"
"But who the hell gives a f..."

Thruk's Bard Returns

Lady Crystal is a whore,
That's what it said upon the door,
When Thruk burst in,
He punched a chin,
And found Roberto on the floor!

Songs

Songs created by nobles for entertainment.

Songs of Anger

Song 1

Bang! Bang! Thruk's Tooth Club
Came down upon his head
Bang! Bang! Thruk's Tooth Club
Made sure that he was dead

Songs of War

Song 1

Hey, hey, hey, hey who the heck are we,
We are the warriors from the mighty CE,
Were gonna kill some abbies and carelians as well,
Before the war is over in strombran we will dwell,
Taking over regions maybe even burning some to the ground,
We are the boys from CE and we really get around,
Take the fight to the enemy till they don't want no more,
May even make a knock on Riverholm's door,
They may have won some battles but we will win the war,
We are the boys from CE and they won't want no more,

For CE!

War Lord

Songs of Chastisement

Song 1

There once was boy called Geoff,
Not very bright - just a Chef,
He fight Thruk for beer,
But instead lost his ear,
So now he both dumb and deaf!

Songs of Lament

Song 1

As the sun breaks through the mist and dew,
on a graveyard on a hill,
as a piper plays amidst the lonely graves,
and his notes are clear and shrill,
as the air is rent,
with this sad lament,
we remember those held dear,
men who gave their word,
and took up the sword for the Empire true,
as the bugler blows over the graves and rows
and the last post fades away,
as reveille sounds over,
death's parade ground,
where our fallen comrades lie,
with our standards proud,
once their deathbed shrouds,
we will come from far and near,
to salute our dead and the roles they played,
with the Empire in mind,
as the sun gets low and the shadows grow,
on the head stones row upon row,
as the night surrounds,
those hallowed grounds,
where our comrades lie below,
you can hear the beat of their marching feat,
you may even feel them near,
as they parade away at the end of day,
those of the Empires Volunteers!

Jonas, soldier of Lianna

Recruitment Songs

Song 1

Here’s 40 silver on the drum
for those who’ll volunteer to come.
To live and fight the foe today.
Over the hills and far away.

O’er the hills and o’er the main.
Through Suville, Riverholm and Jagla.
Sir Khaludh commands and we obey.
Over the hills and far away.

When duty calls me I must go.
To stand and face another foe.
But part of me ill always stray.
Over the hills and far away.

O’er the hills and o’er the main.
Through Suville, Riverholm and Jagla.
Sir Khaludh commands and we obey.
Over the hills and far away.

If I should fall to rise no more.
As many comrades did before.
Then ask the fifes and drums to play.
Over the hills and far away.

O’er the hills and o’er the main.
Through Suville, Riverholm and Jagla.
Sir Khaludh commands and we obey.
Over the hills and far away.

Then fall in lads behind the drum.
With banners blazing like the sun.
Along the road to come what may.
Over the hills and far away.

The late Kite, cousin of Hawk

Miscellaneous Songs

Song 1

Sing Thruk a song, you're the music man,
Sing Thruk a song tonight,
Thruk's in the mood for a melody,
And you've got Thruk feelin' alright!

Song 2

There was a man who had a beer and Woodrow was his name Oooo,
He chugged one down then past em around,
And Thurk can tumbling after,
We have beer you know,
We have beer you know,
We have beer you knowwwwwwww,
and more beer at the Table!

Song 3

Thruk oh Thruk were art thou Thruk,
tiss but a drop of a sword could cause such pain, all I vain,
and too be alone who would drink me down, and up agen,
I but wisper and you would come mug in hand ready,
oh Thruk my cup is only but a shadow of it's former size,
without Thruk my drinking pride will shurly die!

Poetry

Poems created by nobles for entertainment purposes.

Poetry of Anger

To be filled in

Poetry of War

Poem 1

Thruk said to his whore,
"This realm needs a War!"
The girl grabbed her gold,
And ran out to the cold,
"You're right! It's a bore!"

Thruk

Poem 2

War is at my door,
and no it's not a whore,
If I don't kill now,
All my men will dround,
theres some on the bathroom floor!

Poem 3

Thruk really need to go on warpath,
It either that or take a warm bath,
We all know Thruk no like to clean,
He rather rip out enemy spleen,
So someone go wake Zadar Nargath!

Thruk

Poetry of Chastisement

Poem 1

There once was a knight named Geoff,
His feet was worse than his breath,
He was noted for stench,
Which was far too intense,
And smelled the whole place up to death...

Poem 2

I once knew a man named Geoffv That was up until his death
A man called Thruk
Thought he'd be fun to chuck
And hand his body to a Chef

Poem 3

There once was a fighter named Thruk
Quite the hairy old schmuk
His mouth had a tooth,
His own club knocked it loose,
And that's where his last one got stuck!

Poem 4

There was once a knight named Vengance,
Who wore pink pokadot pajamas,
Thruk liked them so much,
But Vengance would not let him touch,
So Thruk bought some adorned with pink Bananas!

Thruk

Poem 5

The fierce Count Maximuss,
Was heard to curse and cuss,
Whenever his 'bob's got caught
In places they should not aught,
Like is in his surgical truss!

Thruk

Poem 6

There once was a man named Thruk,
With his 'bob' he would try to shuck,
He said with a grin,
As he wiped of his chin,
I wish I had learnt to duck

Poem 7

There was a Barbarian named Thruk
Who kicked my 'bob' real hard
I fell like am run over by a wagon
and I am sure that now he has a hard o.!

Poem 8

The Lord Maximuss was brave,
Tried putting Thruk into a grave,
Instead he saw a skirt,
And then started to flirt,
But that not what Thruk crave!

Miscellaneous Poetry

Poem 1

The Cagilan Empire
really only require
its troop leaders to sit around
and make silly little sound

Poem 2

In the years of past and days of old,
When men were men and ales were cold.
Many victories won and honour sought,
'To love life' is what it taught.
Generals barking out orders and judges bannin',
A few rebellions, a few rulers canned.
Rivers of blood, death - what a stench,
My need for battle it could not quench.
Falasan dungeon and Abington prison,
None could keep me from this splendid vision.
So here I am, with my pet monster Yoda,
To join arms in battle, in the great city of Foda.

Johnathan

Poem 3

"Roses are red, becuse i stabbed them.
Violets are blue, cus I beat them into that color.
I don't like flowers...and well...I kill em n stuff."

Vatticus

Chants

Chants created by nobles, for entertainment.

Angry Chants

To be filled in

War Chants

Chant 1

It's time to strike, it's time to kill,
Come one men, let's hear them shrill!
Stab them hard and stab them fast,
It's time we kick them in the ...face

Chastising Chants

To be filled in

Miscellaneous Chants

The Bard sang a note and that's all she wrote

Memorable Conversations

Cullen after treaty with Carelia

"I'll get his wrists, you get his ankles" "Didn't know he was so heavy." "We got to get him into bed, Mark"

The Captain and the Sergeant from A-Cie both wrestle Cullen into his bed, where he stops resisting from being abducted from the Goose Neck. "fggng Crebilia. skwiz dr negs! gill emall!!"

"Sir, maybe you should get some sleep now."

"dey did i to me. dzont you rmembr gaptain? dzont you rmembr Dntow? or Garngi? or any ovvem..."

"Mark, go get Stephanie, the healer. She'll have some of those leaves left, that'll put him right to sleep."

"dzon dell me you dzont remember, Grabdzain! Dzon dzell me you dzon remmbr Frank r Kas r lidle will! An Dzorian! Bst a'chr dis cntry zevver nown! zlaughterd. zlaughterd, Coll. Dey gilld m. A zaw em all fall, n dey wer all lukin at me. Why dey zaid. why you let dis appen, Zir? A drusted you."

"Sir, calm down. Nothing can be done about that."

"Rmember wat I tzold Dzorian's wife? He died n de zervis of de empire n zje zhould be proud? Izz all busjit, yu kno it. He died bcause crabelians ll only addack when dey oudnmbr you thre do one. He died bcause we would zacrifice ourselvs for de empre. An now wa'v dey done? A peace dreete. Dey fggn ovverd dm beace! Dey fggn ovverd m beace, Coll!"

"That's politics, Sir, the war can't go on for ever."

"It will ver the vivty-two men aiv lozt, gabtain. An it will ver me."

Stephanie entered the tent only in time to see her commander pass out to sleep.