Volcanic Hot Newsletter/December '06 issue

Volcanic Hot Newsletter
Price: 1 gold	Creator: Crescent	December '06 issue

Comments from Darkans

17 December Yeti, Count of Wistir, said: "I find it most interesting to read the intercepted messages that Lady Lavigna sent to the rest of the realm. RedSpan seems to be a mindless place where beasts rule, much like our own Vatticus personal psyche. They constantly wave their arms in the air and beckon us to come. Then turn around and make sure their 'friends' in the area support them. Truly this is not the conduct of a brave and mighty people, but that of a small child looking to an older sibling for help. Now where is Da Goat with Da Milk for Da Kids? Da?" 16 December Obidan, Knight of Tolhuar said on the RS war: "I think it's a trap by RS and SA to trap us on Darka's tongue and wipe it a bit clean. They surely did act in a way to...well...excite or tempt us to go to their lands, so this might very well be a conspiracy by escalating a matter to a higher level so that Darka falls." 16 December Juan, Knight of Mayxcal, said: "As a human being trying to survive in this violent land, I feel sorry for our Redspan brethren. Nothing is more disheartening than coming home to an ugly woman. While I have never seen an unattractive female in Darka, I can only imagine the horror and frustration RedSpanians feel every night and day. All men have needs that require relief, after all. I only pray that Redspan's Nobles give proper consideration to the Goats that provide them alternative service. Selfishness towards one's partner is a cruelty Billy G. does not deserve. A little extra corn and maybe some Vaseline can go a long way in a philotherian affair. ...and be nice to the wife at home too." 14 December Lady Lavigna, Arch Priestess of Darka, Countess of Tolhuar, said: "I believe that the terrible smell of goats has affected their brains and has transformed them in non-thinking humans, which subsequently led to their poor attempts at propaganda. They assassinated our Banker and led themselves in this war for which they begged our King to reconsider, and now they pretend to be the macho heroes that challenge us to go and fight them? Silly goats, they found as allies the sheep of their Federation and think they can be in front of our mighty army."

Amancair and Lisa Weds

18 December As the crimson sun set upon the Holy Temple at Bisquez, there stood Lord Amancair, the Duke of Bisquez and Lady Lisa awaiting for the commencement of the Matrimony; presiding was Lady Lavigna Darka's Guardian of Darkanism. Amancair attired in the finest apparel of royal blue. The lady emanated in a dark red gown against the picturesque sunset. The ceremony was conducted according to the customs of Darkanism Weddings. The sacrifices were made and the ashes transformed Amancair and Lisa's love into a single union of renewed love under the flames of Sigrid and ashes of Darka. In a moving speech, Lavigna told of the tragedy of Amancair's life. "Duke Amancair is an old Darkian troop leader and one of our Great Warriors," she said. "When I first met him I couldn't help not to notice the pain his heart held, as Lord Amancair used to have a family once." Lavigna also told the tale of the two lover's seemingly absurd courting, "For those that don't know," Lady Lavigna said, "Lisa and Amancair met in the dungeons of Abington when both under captivity." Amancair was held in Abington, as he was regarded as an enemy spy. Lisa was merely an Abington peasant, a farmer girl, who's family could not pay the levies. And as revenge the lords of the lands demanded the daughter as retribution. According to Lisa, that night in the cells of Abington, Amancair had found a way to escape and that during a lingering glance, we "looked each other for what seemed like an eternity." Lisa also talked of the ferocity of Amancair's attack on the 3 guards in the dungeon. "They said they would pay me a visit in the night," she said, "and when we escaped the holding cells we encountered the guards again and he charge to them at once. They never had a chance to beat a Darkan warrior who heard them insulting my vitue." However their romance is in times of great danger. As Darka and RedSpan are at war, enemy infiltrators will no doubt find fresh challenge to attack the Duke and his newly wed. "I dare them to come and face me!" Lord Amancair rages, "My sword has tasted only the blood of 7 infiltrators. And if they dare touch my wife, I swear upon Sigrid's flame that they will beg to die by my sword after the torture I will have on them." Despite the worries of enemy infiltrators, no one can deny the foundations of love in this world. As Lady Lavigna told the grand audience before the ceremony, "this is proof that loves never loses its force and can born even in the more hostile places. And from the ashes of the history of these two, provide the new and fertile grounds which the Gods will offer to them today." Consumed by Sigrid, accepted by Darka. Blessed be this couple.

Finegus Tortured!

18 December 2006 A day after Finegus attempted to take Lady Lavigna's life, Lavigna paid a visit to his cell with her torturer, as promised. Here is an actual account of what happened. After the all night celebrations in Bisquez one of the Royal Guards approached Lavigna.She was sitting on a chair moving her feet to the sound of the music and singing...it was obvious that she had too much 7-up... The guard whispered in Lavigna's pointy ear that the Holy dungeon of tortures was now ready. Lavigna didn't reacted much on the report, she fell silent and her eyes were fixed well... to the emptiness. She stood up slowly, took her whip and made her way to the dungeons singing. "Da goat, Da goat, Da goat is on fire! Da goat, Da goat, Da goat is not fire! We don't need no water let the foolish goater burn! Burn, foolish goater, Burn!" She entered 'Da' cell smiling and she was handed a report from the dungeon's guards. Even if the Royal Guards had spotted Finegus in Eurotan as her assassin there were no proof in order to accuse him for it so the request for his banishment papers was rejected. "Well, they don't have proof... but I can get them some! "Well, well Finegus, now we finally meet. Of course you had the chance to look at me in the back before.... isn't that right? Lavigna kept smiling while playing with a semi-full bottle of 7-up in her hands "I apologize I'm late but we have super-yay celebrations in Bisquez, the Duke got married yesterday at sunset. You want some 7-up?" Lavigna threw the 7-up on Finegus face and then he threw him the bottle as well "Oh... I just never was good in aiming. But then again...neither do you right? Hahahahaha. Don't worry, this is the only liquid you could come in contact with. We surely don't intend to wash you, even if I bet this would be the worst torture for a goater." She then turned to the guards, "Prepare the sarcophagus please." "The sarcophagus Finegus is a very interesting machine. I made some changes to it, in order to adjust it in the Darkian way." The sarcophagus was practically like a coffin of metal. The part of the front was facing the Holy Fire of Sigrid and in the inner part it was full of red hot needles that would enter every part of his body; except the hands that were left out. So instead of closing the sarcophagus from in front, the back part was pushed towards the front one causing pain and burns nothing could match as the needles wouldn't only burn the skin but the body from within as well. His hand were left out and 2 of the guards were taking care of the fingers, breaking them one by one every time the sarcophagus stooped to close. Finegus face was also tied up, in a way that implemented him to shout, since shouting is a way of dealing with pain... and was released only when ready to talk. When Finegus spitted everything his brain could handle to reveal, Lavigna approached him,grabbed his face and looked him directly in they eyes.Her eyes were on fire. "We haven't finished here Finegus. You will be kept in the dungeons till you confess your attempt of assassination to me so your banishment papers can be prepared. "Trust me Finegus, you prefer a ban on your head, than another second in this dungeon. I am fed up with your invasion in our lands and I will personally hunt you down from now on. She pushed away his face with her hand but Finegus was out of strength to even hold his head straight and watch her leaving. Finegus got what he deserved and he broke down faster then we thought, spilling out all the information his goat mind could process. This will be the fate of any RedSpan Infiltrators who get caught in our cells. If they were banned once, it could lead to execution. Let this be a warning to the RedSpanians out there still eating grass.

Finegus caught!

17 December 2006 Just hours after lowly infiltrator Finegus attempted to take Lady Lavigna's life, Lavigna's guards arrested Finegus as he tried to leave Eurotan. Lavigna has already expressed her intention to torture Finegus and she will keep her word. Finegus will not leave Darka's dungeons unharmed. Only Sigrid can save him now, but I don't think Sigrid will waste her time on a goat.

Failed Assassination attempt!

17 December 2006 RedSpan has once again sent their infiltrators to assassinate Lady Lavigna, Arch Priestess of Darka. The assassin has proven to be Finegus, a lowly assassin from RedSpan. The assassination attempt took place in Eurotan at night. Lady Lavigna was sleeping when she heard the sound of a twig snapping. Knowing that all her troops are asleep, Lavigna readied a dagger. She turned around to face her assassin but the shadows covered his face. After a brief clash, the assasin escaped when Lavigna's guards awoke. Sources from the secret police reveals that Finegus was behind this. Lady Lavigna has expressed her intention to torture Finegus whether he was banned or not, as the lowly infiltrator has bugged Darka for too long. Finegus, apparently, showed interest in the 200 gold bounty on Lavigna's head, proving RedSpan's greed.

High Priest of Darka!

16 December 2006 Easy, formerly Count of Maycxal, stepped down from his position to be a priest for the realm's religion, Darkanism. He was appointed High Priest of Darkanism by Founder of Darkanism Paradigm. May Sigrid and Lodril bless him as he risks his life spreading their profound teachings.