Itorunt Informer/June '06

The Itorunt Informer
Price: Free! Written by Alex Exiled, Aurum Bishamon, and Ichigo Kurosaki.	Bringing you the best of the press from Itorunt!	June Edition

The Small Annoyances of Southern Life

The problem with living in the rural regions of Itorunt is that there is just nothing to do. Naturally, some groups of adolecents just have to do a little hell-raising to entertain themselves, adding vexation to boredom. Take the events of last week, for example. A couple days ago those irritating scamps from PMW were able to sneak into Itorunt's backland to loot Aeng and Enubec. The ensuing vandalism and petty theft caused some gritted teeth for Itorunt, but annoyance is really all they accomplished. With the Itorunt and Ibladesh armies surrounding a large Perdanese force in Al Arab and the impending attack from Sirion and Fontan in the north, the PMW decided they had better use this opportunity to take victory for Perdan by inconveiencing the peasantry of a couple of Itorunt's regions. They caused damage to Tota, Enubec, Aeng and... that's it.

The PMW's first stop was in Tota, where they committed such atrocities as ordering dozens of doughnuts at the local bakeries then running off without paying. High Marshall Robert singled out a few TLs to gather in Enubec to ward against similar harassment, but we were a bit slow and PMW managed to take the back road into Enubec. We don't have doughnuts in Enubec, though, so they shook down the local farmers and smashed piggy-banks in Enubecian villages. Their sense of mischief still unsatisfied, PMW continued to Aeng for more of the same. Their behavior was simply reprehensible, and one cannot but wonder at the upbringing of such a maladjusted lot.

The rearguard of Itorunt had until that point been fighting PMW one and two units at a time(It's worked before, so hey...)and was not effective. Though by the time they had reached Aeng we had managed to gather enough force in Noritor to face the raiders on relatively equal terms. PMW took a look at their scout reports, realized that to go on would mean actually being in a real fight and wisely decided to retreat, looting Enubec one more time on the way for spite.

PMW did not make a clean escape, though. One overzealous TL, Corum, tried to reconnoiter Priotness and ended up wounded and without a unit while the rest of PMW bumped into the Yssarian military on their way through Tota. It seems that in their rush to avoid an even fight they never saw them coming. PMW survived the encounter, but they are likely not in any shape to cause more trouble. I do hope they try, though, they're up for a spanking. --Thray

A new star has arisen in the east...

A new newspaper, The Red Star Courier, has set up business, acting from Yssaria. The Itorunt Informer wishes to publicly congratulate Yssaria on setting up a new newspaper, and looks forward to taking a break from reporting the numerous losses of Caligus.

Interview with the Yssarian General, Abishur

Today we managed to secure an interview with Abishur, general of Yssaria, one of the main leaders in the war against Caligus in the HRA.

How is the state of the the Yssarian army? (Morale of the troopleaders, levels of discussion etc.)

The morale of the nobles of Yssaria is at an all time high. We have a very close-knit group that follows orders very well. I hate to brag, but with a few changes and the addition of a couple of more regions, we would be a force to reckon with on the island, through and through. Obviously, you see the true biases through this prism, yet, we have a fantastic military administration. Sumsar, the marshal of Hamadan, Yerli the marshal of Isadril, myself as High Marshall and of course Eleran. We discuss all the military actions. For the most part, we see things on a level field with the obvious thorns every now and then.

Whose inspiration was holding two TO's simultaneously in Tokat and Sordidus?

Nobody can really take full responsibility for the two TO strategy. Many things were discussed and I took from a collaboration of good ideas. The overall effect was far beyond all our dreams. We have maintained the TO of their largest gold region while destroying Caligus' mobile force. Hopefully the region will soon learn that we will not be denied and switch their loyalty.

What plans are there to assault Ubent after Caligus falls? (Nothing specific, but a timeframe would be nice.)

That is all classified. My hopes are that Ubent’s ruler will learn that we will not go away quietly and sign a peace. To be honest, that is what our overall objective is. The only reason we fight Caligus is they aggress our general populous, torture our royal Prandur, and to avenge the death of the late Eleran the Count. The best way to do that is to take the fight to them and eventually give Prandur the honor and keys to Domus.

What regions are likely to be targeted in the next assault? WIll Sordidus be assaulted again, or is Aestus a likely target?

I think we will TO Perdan City. (ha ha ha) No really we attack where it is the most advantageous. Attack at the weak point to drive our enemy back and make them fight on our terms.

Any thoughts of your own?

Our group is very appreciative of Itorunt and Ibladesh. If it was not for your help, our realm would be in a whole different situation. We have had dark times, in the not so distant past, where the help of our allies has been most appreciated. I personally would like to thank the Generals of Itorunt and Ibladesh. They stuck beside Yssaria even in our darkest hours. I have every belief our leaders will keep us on the right path, headed in the right direction.

--Alex

On the move again

Well, Itorunt is once again on the move, this time against Perdan, after having utterly destroyed the troops of Ubent at their castle. The Perdanese are once again raiding the backlands of Itorunt, but it is a small problem that will be taken care of shortly. And so, with a reorganized and stronger army, Itorunt once again marches to defend its honor.

Congratulations to King Lucian, High Marshal Robert, Alex, my second-in-command, and the leader of Division II on a job well done. Alex especially has done well as a leader in my stead while I have been busy taking care of other matters before heading off to war. He seems to hold much potential. Once again, congratulations to all, and good luck!

--Ichigo

Well, things are looking up

I have been announced 2IC of Division I by Ichigo, the new leader of Divison I. I would like to publicly say thanks here.

Recent reports show Perdan coming to attack with really pathetic troops. 69 men, 300 CS. 40 men, 300 CS. I think it is quite obvious that Perdan must be running out of good troops. These guys look like the training dummys got mixed up with the soldiers. Only Perdan could be thick enough not to notice the difference.

However, not all of Perdan is made up of such pathetic troops. The dishonourable troops of PMW have arrived on the scene. They have troops that appear to be actual idiots-parading-as-soldiers, at least.

More news coming soon. --Alex

New King, New general, New times?

In a battle in Castle Ubent, the king of Itorunt TK Jones was captured, fighting bravely. This of course left the door open for other TL's of Itorunt to escape, but not openly that it left the metaphorical door open for a new king.

Well, no-one was really expecting the event, and so no-one had time to campaign, but with votes modified from the last election, We are able to tell you that in spite of the suddeness of the event, the High marshal of Itorunt was elected, with a stunning 323 votes, 36.3% of the total votes. A very good choice!

This of course left Lucian in the position of High Marshal. However, he himself said "I think we'll need a new general while I'm king - I could do both, but I don't think I should, both for my sanity, security in case I'm captured and the morale of the men."

And so the people of the realm were asked to send in nominations for the general position. And the people spoke, and the the people chose well... Robert, Marshal of the army of Semall, Count of Zamor (one heck of a long title, and just got longer) is now High Marshal of Itorunt's army! Congratulations are in order.

--Alex

And Robert chose, to replace him as leader of Division I, Ichigo, his second-in-command. You may be wondering who this mysterious person is. Well, it's me.

--Ichigo

Perdan beats Itorunt

Now before you all castrate, tar-and-feather, drag me around the streets and pocket my gold, hear me out. Perdan has beaten Itorunt. No, I have not been drinking from ARSE. I have had ale while in prison though. I suspect SADA ale, but I'm not positive.

Perdan has beaten Itorunt. At what you say? They have better prison accomodations. I have arranged special rooms for all those who have been given proper instructions. Only those I deem worthy shall receive such knowledge. Just ask to find whether you are worthy of such knowledge.

Oh and to all, please, avoid the old, hairy guard in Hall 2, Corridpr 5. Instead, have the fair-skinned guard, I believe he is albino, take you to ArchPriestess Naira. The fair-skinned guard tends to check all the prisoners shortly before sunset. I believe he is a lower noble due to his manner of speech. There, you will be provided with an oppulent room. Fireplace included. It's more of a holiday resort really. Enjoy your stay in Perdan's prison.

So, Perdan has finally beaten Itorunt. Perdan has the better prison. What will the other realms do? Can they improve their prisons to the point Perdan has? Sirion has plenty of gold I hear. Perhaps they could make such accomodations for their guests? Itorunt and Ibladesh could offer swimming pools piped straight from the Great Southern Sea. Kalmar could have an entire island, albeit a minor, unmapped island, for the prison population. So, I urge my readers, please contact your realm's judge. Improve your prison.

-Aurum

In the ancient wise words, "Veni, Vidi, Pwni."

Another huge battle in Castle Ubent! Oh, and we won. Gotta remember to state the obvious.

Ubents forces, for some obscure reason, were being commanded by a Caligan, Kamekaze. And guess what deployment they used? No really. Guess.

"Fortification deploy? That makes far too much sense. Delay and wound? Oh come on. Something less useful than that... Infantry wall! Yes! That'll do absolutely nothing! I think that's what I'll use!" --Kamekaze, attrib.

An assimilated force of Yssaria and Itorunt (primarily Itorunt) of over 16000 Combat strength, assaulted the walls of Ubent, which was defended by a measly force of not even 4000 strength. A resounding victory for Itorunts troops.

"We offered the peasantry of Ubent a chance to join our allies, and they refused. We offered them a new realm in place of the old, where we could lead them in the enlightened rule Itorunt knows already. They denied themselves this mercy. If we cannot liberate the people of Castle Ubent, we will make their lands worthless as a capital." --Lucian Vincent, High marshal of Itorunt

--Alex

Huge battle in the mines of Isadril!

That's right! In a truly epic battle, 16K of primarily Itoruntian forces, along with a Yssarian unit and an Ibladeshian twin strike force, utterly destoryed an army of Ubent. Well, you all know that the words "Ubent" and "Army" don't go together... it was 5K of assimilated Ubent forces. And saying 5K is being optimistic.

Well folks, we came, we saw, we annihilated all resistance... No-one is really sure why Ubent didn't withdraw, or call on their big brother nation Perdan to come help them... Oh wait. Perdan has attacked Al Arab. And they didn't win. Well, whoop de doo. What a brilliant idea that was, Blacknight... Let your ally die on you... Wait! We said we were going to bash Ubent this month! Sorry, slightly off topic. Well, Ubent was pathetic as well. 10 of their TL's are now wounded, including such figures as the traitor Kiriat, Finwe, speedy, Zog Returns...

So... Ibladesh is about to take the mines. Perdan is about to get lost with their tails between their legs. The north is about to go south... and when they go south, they're going to go south big time. Itorunt is about to kick everyones posteriors who tries to oppose them and basically, we're winning the war. Watch this space for updates. --Alex

A new month, a new issue

With great things lined up for Itorunt, a new edition of the Itorunt Informer is up and running! But you already know that! You are reading it!

This month spells some serious political upheaval. With Oligarch only existing on paper, Ubent and Caligus in the line up to be destroyed shortly, there is a definite need for a paper with the ability, and the motivation, to be able to stand up proudly, on the heights, and shout into the wind towards our enemies, "You suck!".

And so, the Itorunt Informer will stay in business, after triumphing in the Newspaper wars, with The Caligan Courier being effectively dead, and the Oligarchian Observer not having anything to write about apart from ash on the wind, we shall triumph again, and provide a refreshing shift towards Ubent bashing this month. All accounts are completely truthful. --Alex