Itorunt Informer/April '06

The Itorunt Informer
Price: Free! Written by the Exiled Family and Aurum Bishamon.	Bringing you the best of the press from Itorunt!	Issue number 4, Late March

Outrageous claims by the Caligan Courier!

Although we at the Itorunt informar are dedicated to truth, and honouring the rules of engagement, the comments of the Caligan Courier and their associated franchise (which we don't even bother looking at, if I wanted to see rubbish I would look out over the fortifications at the forces of Ubent). BUT these claims are outrageous, despicable, and downright offensive to our allies, although I don't mind being in a realm called "the great saviour".

Countering Every argument made by Cartor the Cretin, Duke of Domus

The recent fighting? I believe they have foughten as one, and won as one. Only if we can achieve a battle like that, we can win again. Mainly they just changed tactics, and we are adjusting.

Oh yeah, sure, "we're adjusting", thats just a posh way of saying "we're losing".

Although their new tactics have payed off in battle, the make little progress. Supra will stand loyal to us for very long and will not foil us soon, Yssaria should take notice of that.

Excuse me? Supra just fell to Yssarian forces, and guess what that means? You really do need a scout report, Talless!

Actually I don’t care about the interview, I haven’t read it and I don’t want to. I can’t imagin anything else coming out of his mouth but dum Doughnut jokes and proclamations such as “We will stop this war when Domus is taken, because there is no such place as ‘Home’” His brother was yet another corps, and he himself can’t be anything else than the next.

DUMB DOUGHNUT JOKES!!! You have got to be kidding! Doughnuts are the stuff of heaven, and perhaps if Caligus spent less time fighting... sorry make that LOSING... and more time eating doughnuts they would not be stuck with Yssarian forces outside their front gate. Also, Eleran made it abundantly clear that it was not just Domus that should be taken, but almost all Caligan regions.

Itorunt is ór the leader behind this southern resistance ór another puppet. I believe they are the second, they dance in Ibladeshians favor, and they smile while doing it. Although I had some reports concerning an authorithy clash between Doomgiver and an Itoruntian Council Member that clearly show Itorunt is getting sick of this treatment.

Yes, we are the leaders, we fight, we win, we do it with honour. We respect our alliances, and we think for ourselves. Doomgiver is the Haruspex Maximus, not a general, the disagreement was purely one of him overstepping the mark where his authority was concerned. We are no puppet state, we help our allies in their times of peril. A friend in need...

As my units name was, Itorunt Informer My ***, I will not say they are swines, I will not say they ‘make things up’. But they surely give the people what they want to hear, and if needed they’ll adjust the articles to reach that goal.

We do not adjust the articles at all! We write them from scratch! And this is a bit rich being published in a newspaper which ONLY reports their victories. And how long has it been since thei last one of them?

When Yssaria is finished, Sirion will cry when hearing about the day they declared war on us.

Time will tell. Perhaps Yssaria will destroy your pathetic realm and your head will be on the line long before Sirion even needs to look down their noses to contemplate you.

Ibladesh is finished, Itorunt is the Great Savior, well they’re just buying time for those up north. Perdan managed to weaken the walls of Ibladesh City from a lvl 5 or 4 to only a 2, and now Ubent thought it was time to engage in full strenght. Ibladesh is finished, the best thing Perdan could do now is destroy the army of Ibladesh, ruin the regions, move to the North and let Ubent handle the TOs.

What makes Ibladesh so different from Caligus? The have enemy troops 1 region away from their capital as well, but they have the richest capital on the whole Island, and reliable Allied support. Ubent? Don't make me laugh! We recently felled a hero of theirs in battle, and I seem to remember Perdan losing a noble by the name of Sir Lion? We simultaneously helped take a region of Ubents and a region of Perdan's. We smashed over half their army. So yes, Perdan, run too the north, I still remember when we marched all the way up to the walls of Aix to rout their forces.Ibladesh city has level 3 walls, fool, not level 2.

Itorunt, you are helping your dying master. Sure you can kick me in the chins in your next ‘Issue’, but I’m not going to be reading it, BTW what are you going to say: “Stupid jokes and nonscence”? Well, sorry I brought Eleran into this, I should have known you would want to bring him down.

We took that to heart. We don't publish issues now, we do topics as they come. As you can see, we are having fun ridiculing your stupidity. Remind me to send you a doughniut sometimes.

Predictions?

The fools. Do they seriously expect us to even contemplate being run out of business, when we are supported by ARSE and are even now entering into negotiation for Doughnut assisted sponsorship? We have our own set of predictions:

1. Caligus loses Supra to Yssaria (strictly not a prediction, they were already running a TO)
2. Caligus begs for mercy from Yssaria
3. Talless the Tactical wakes up one morning to realise that half her unit has been mysteriously stabbed/blown up/drugged/recieved diarrhea from drinking laced beer from ARSE to stop the fighting?
4. The Caligan Courier discovers use of the [sic] tag, and finds that they have to stick it all over their topics!
5. The Caligan Courier still cannot spell the word "view"

And on a more peaceful note:

1. Aquire sponsorship from doughnut establishsments
2. Write a report on holidays on the Priotness coast (courtsey of Aurum)

Caligan Courier slagging off our style

The Caligans always think they're so smart don't they? "I'm one of their only viewers", well frankly, it's only been out about, oh 10 minutes? And WE twist their words? We reported exactly what was said, and pointed ur the fallacies, which were kind of glaringly obvious, but there are morons in Caligus who look at this paper. Some quotes: i mean come on, our capital is right next to it! Are you reall that stupid? I though the editors of the Itorunt Informer were just a little smarter than this...

Aside from the absolutely atrocious spelling, if you were so smart then why was Supra taken in the first place? I have seen exactly the same thing happen in Ibladesh with Al Aquabah numerous times.

ive never seen somebody twist the words like they did! Magnificient job!

Did you even look at what Perdan tried to publish when we had our loose TL's hanging around helping Yssaria? We crushed their forces with a bunch of newcomers, and they tried to make out that it was the whole of our army. Of course, this was before they pulled out of the OCPAU.

OH, and under their predictions, somthing about half of my men getting drunk and dissapearing?

Not getting drunk, getting diarrhoea, getting attacked, getting crushed, getting stabbed? And they have something to celebrate?

P.S. Caligan Courier still can't spell view right!