The Oligarchian Observer/Edition:8

http://wiki.battlemaster.org/images/Oligarchcrestnew.jpg The Oligarchian Observer
Cost: Free, unless, of course, you are Sirionite, Fontanese, or Old Rancaguan	Supreme Master of the Newspaper: Hireshmont, 523 Shiverwoodian Squirrelsspace	Volume: 8
The only newspaper that can laugh at itself!

• THE newspaper for the truth about events on the Oligosirionifontanagua Front of the Great War!
• Disclaimer: This paper DOES NOT represent the official opinions of the Oligarchian government, merely a general accounting for the public.
• Whenever we say, "Facts", what we mean is the explaination which best fits the evidence of action, not words.

Perdan on the move!

April 7, 2006- At long last, our pleas are heard! Perdanese forces move northwards! I dont know the route they are taking, but it seems that the PMW and Praetorians are coming to help us out! I presume Arnaud is gathering our forces in Oliagrch to coordinate our assaults. Lets have these Perdanese march away with Elven blood flowing from the gats of Sirion! Squirrel forces of the Northlands, ARM YOURSEEEEEEEELLLVVESSS!!!!

Capitol in Kazakh

April 7, 2006- Well, I'm slacking off! Our reporting speed is slowing down... must be that mead I've been drinking.... anyways! Old Rancagua moved its capitol to Kazakh! What next, Sirion in Ashforth? Fontan in Krimml, OR in Kazakh... heck, Sirion in Ashforth would make perfect sense, truth be told. On another note, Thalanteus, a former ruler of Rancagua, moves the capitol to Kazakh, the capitol of Rancagua. Fuinur's bones lie in Oroya, where Ragnell is duchess. Perhaps someone is trying to switch back to their Rancaguan days, eh?

Rebellion in, erm, Kalmar Islands?

April 6, 2006- Right. Sooo.... WHY KALMAR? For the love of squirrels, why did you pick KALMAR ISLANDS? Because its an easy target, okay. BUT YOU JUST EARNED YOURSELF THE WRATH OF THE ENTIRE CONTINENT, EL CIDD. Heck, the Avamarians down here dont even support you much, from what I can see. Perdan hates you, Old Rancagua hates you(then again, they arent a threat to anyone!), all allies of Perdan are rather disgruntled at you, and all allies of Old Rancagua are disgruntled at you. Think you could do a better job at making people hate you? Oh, I know! Try and assassinate someone! Thats a good way to make enemies! Gosh, I was thinking, when I first saw the notice about the rebellion, it would be a power struggle between Perdanese and Old Rancaguans. Instead, its a wanna-be Avamar Version 2.0. If I didnt have duties down here, I would personally come up there and kick some Imperial rear ends(I refuse to blaspheme the name of Avamar by calling these rebels Avamarians). Stupid wanna-be freedom fighters. You do realize, right, that if ANY REALM ON THE CONTINENT sent ONE RAIDING PARTY, your whole realm would implode and die, right?

Paul's Departure and, what? HE'S THE JUDGE?

April 6, 2006- Paul stepped down from his upstanding position of Banker and, lo and behold, got elected Judge! He has announced he will remain judge until Elaira has recovered. Ironically, one reason Paul cited for desiring to go to LoF was because he was dissapointed with the judge elections the past few months. Well, he won with almost 65% this time, congradulations Paul! Now who will the banker be?

Assassination!

April 5, 2006- Someone attacked Elaira! Well, we'll have elections soon. I'm gonna go out on a limb here, a wild guess, and say that DONNA RAGNA will be the next judge. Anybody thinking otherwise? Maybe Justin... possible I suppose.... anyways, we'll catch the infil sometime or other.

Sirion in Commonyr

April 5, 2006- They're in my region. BEGONE YOU FILTHY ELVES! I hope I get to return to Commonyr as Count... I like the title, actually. 8k forces say I wont be returning that way, though. Now would be an opportune moment for Slimbar to secede from Sirion.

Support for LoF

April 4, 2006- Well, we've decided to help out Lycastus a bit. We're assembling a team to come and help ya, Lycastus! Aint that dandy? You said 5 TLs, we'll send 5 TLs! And 5 bloody good ones too! Honestly, I wanted a piece of that 250 gold income per week myself, but I seem to have "respectable obligations" now, what with being a Count and all. In other news, I believe that the OR raiding party is somewhere doing something to someone...

Updates on Fontan's Civil War

April 2, 2006- I dont know how things are faring down there, but I know that WE SUPPORT LYCASTUS! Peace talks, possibly even talks of alliance, are under way. If there is anything the Oligarchian Observer can do, Lycastus, tell us! If there is anything I can do, Lucastus, tell me! We support you!

Greatbridge

April 2, 2006- Well, we attacked Fontan in Greatbridge. We lost, but we tried. I dont have many details yet, but I'll update you the moment I can! As is now, I'm busy in Commonyr taking care of my brand-spanking-new position of Count! I dunno, "Count Hireshmont" has a nice ring to it, dont you think?

Light of Fountain

April 1, 2006- Hmm, first time writing anything for the paper. Anyway, it appears that a former noble of Fontan, Lycastus, has seceeded Fontan from the realm of Fontan, forming a new realm, Light of Fountain. Also, their Chancellor, Lilith, has requested a cease fire with us whilst she sorts this out! Hmm, let me see, should we let Fontan sort out their own problems in peace, whilst they have no qualms about joining in a 3-on-1 war against us? No, I don't think so. If you won't play fair, then why should we?

IJARG!

April 1, 2006- Today is an eventful today! Mere moments ago, the IJARG was signed by the Caligan Courier and the Oligarchian Observer, and it looks like the Itorunt Informer may as well! Check out the IJARG yourself for more information!

Victory in Kazakh!

April 1, 2006- Our isolated and cut-off forces in the Kazakh Peninsula, udner the leadership of Lalakis, swept forth from Kazan, which seceeded and joined Kalmar(and the Kalmarians have this strange notion that they should return it to old Rancagua, when it was OURS. We paid good money for that region, and shed no small amount of blood over it!), and assaulted Kazakh. A decisive victory resulted, once again proving how effective even our small forces are, numbering at just a few thousand CS. HAIL OLIGARCH!

The PAIN!

April 1, 2006- Apparently, some deluded Itoruntian thinks he is good at poetry! ICK! Avamarians write songs and poems, not Itoruntians! Itorunt is a choppy, ugly name! Here's the poem:

Itorunt, Itorunt How beloved you are, You spread peace and riches throughout the world like perfume that wafts through the air Unlike our enemies, whose odor pollutes the world people, animals, crops, nature itself is polluted by the stench of war and brutality

Yet there are enemies who would wish to end this, for they wish to live in a brutal world of war, rape, pillaging, mistrust, and poverty.

Our way is better oh Itorunt, Itorunt, wanter of a merciful world, spreader of peace, riches, family, trust and hospitality

Gopherman, what a great leader he was The epitomization of what Itorunt stands for For he brought peaceful relationshions to a wartorn land If only his successors could share his beliefs of peace Gopherman, may your days be long

I'm sorry, I cant help but laugh. No rhyme, no pace, no rythm, not even done in verse form! Gosh, is there NOT A SINGLE SANE-MINDED AND EDUCATED PERSON IN ITORUNT?

On that note, I'm gonna go find an Avamarian to write a real poem... where's Paris when you need him! Oh, oops, he's dead. We'll have to get Itorunt back for that one...

Elections, elections, elections!

April 1, 2006- Well, a few surprises, a few that arent! The Prime Minister race was pretty closely contested between Sakima and Lysander, with Sakima coming out narrowly on top! Congradulations Prime Minister Sakima! You led us through the time after the Velvet Rebellion, we trust you again! The Judge electionwasnt quite as close, with Elaira getting 29% and Paul getting 19%, and Justin 12%. Congradulations Elaira, it seems your family has become a dynasty in the GJ position....

Oh thats just dirty

March 31, 2006- Oh now this isnt even FUNNY. The Itorunt Informer is writing articles about the regions in Itorunt. Well, if you're gonna do that, I'LL DO PSYCHOANALYSIS AND PERSONALITY PROFILES OF ALL THE TLS IN OLIGARCH! We have more TLs than you have regions! HAVE AT YE, THOU FOUL ITORUNTIANS!

Welcome, welcome, welcome!

March 31, 2006- So, this one will run until the end of April for a fair, balanced, and equal-time frame measurement of the Itorunt Informer as compared to the OO, CC, or OCPAU in general. So, here we are, COMING AT YOU!! By the way, we recently added 523 squirrels imported from Shiverwood Forest in Norland to be on our editing and security staff.