McDowell Family/Kaylan McDowell/madness
Roleplay from Kaylan McDowell
Kaylan walked into her tent with wild unfocused eyes. She stumbled through, kneeled to the ground and let the bloody sword drop from numb fingers. She began to focus once more and looked to the crimson color of her hands. A small whimper escaped her lips and she quickly tried to wipe the thick blood on her leggings and her armor. It made no difference, because there was even more on her than her hands.
Frantically panicked she reached out into the chest near her. Groping blindly she pulled out the first thing she could find. The soft material was flimsy and weightless. She desperately tried to wipe her hands clean but the sticky substance was virtually impossible to remove. The metallic salty scent filled her nostril making her stomach turn. She rubbed harder and harder, urgently trying to remove it before she lost herself to the sight of it again.
That morning had begun like all the others did now. She had received her orders and followed through without thought. Just another directive to keep her mind and body occupied. When it came time, she took her men to the battlefield, waiting, actually anticipating what was to come. Only within the anticipation had been the other thing… the defeated painful void.
She still carried on as usual, the numbness on the outside, but when it was time she had enough sense left to lead her men. She couldn’t ignore that part of her now it was all she had.
The battle started the same way, the shouts of battle cries surrounded her, the clamor of swords as they met, and overhead the volley of arrows as they whizzed through the air to find unlucky targets. Her blood pumped with feeling, these were the moments she still felt alive. She no longer used her bow now and went right into the melee, fighting with her sword. Truth of it was, it no longer mattered if she came out victorious and intact, she longed for death to find her. She could do it herself but she was just too much of a coward. She couldn’t do that to Fiona or Alec after everything they had done for her, she would leave them with pride and honor, she owed them that much at least.
Her body pumped with exhilaration and stamina, she had blocked down the first man who attacked her. Usually she ignored the faces before her, putting them to the back of her mind, a built-in defensive shield to numb the death she was giving out.
Today, she had made the mistake of looking into his face, at first she had only staggered back at the shock of his youth, then his face transformed to someone frighteningly familiar.
She screamed with fury and ran him through with her sword, her hands had instantly been covered with his warm blood and she pushed it in deeper again forcing it through with all her strength. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a new attacker, but again his face changed becoming familiar. The fear crept through until everywhere she turned they filled with the faces haunting her nightmares then fear led to terror.
Her demons had come to life and walked the battlefield to find her. She screamed and snarled with rage. Panicked she fought wildly unable to hold back the frenzy coursing through her. She would never be theirs again. The battle lust overwhelmed her, but worse she lost herself to blood thirst.
Breathing heavily she then noticed hands holding her back, and her Captain was shouting at her. In her confusion the voices were distorted and then she looked around and gaped. On the ground, surrounding her were several mutilated bodies. The display of slaughter had been delivered by her hands in the most dishonorable and brutal fashion. Even for the enemies, this was undeserving.
The bewildered look on her Captain’s face was accusing, as if seeing an enemy instead of ally and leader. Her stomach suddenly turned and she moved back, more of her men watched her strangely and she could only think to escape the stares.
Kaylan was still trying to wipe away the evidence of her momentary madness when she froze to look at what she was holding. In her blind haste she had taken one of her dresses. The silvery green sparkle still came through the blood staining it. She dropped it as if burned and threw it away as quickly as she could but the damage was already done.
The beautiful dress he had made for her was ruined beyond repair and now she would never wear it.
“Milady?” her Captain approached her, touching her shoulder and the wild look in her eyes returned. She reacted before she could think, there was a dull crack and he fell back yelling with pain.
“Don’t touch me!” she yelled and he stared back with surprise, holding his now, broken arm. “Never touch me again, or I will kill you,” she warned.
More men came into the tent at the sound and she hissed with fury and terror at the invasion of space. Eugen looked saddened and turned to the men who looked on confused. “Hold her down…” the Captain said and swallowed at what this meant for his career, but he wanted to help her. He knew how different she had been after her return, but he figured she would snap out of it. Only lately she was getting odder, he just never thought it would lead to this.
“I think my arm is broken, and who knows what else she’ll do. We need to make sure she can’t fight, tie her hands if you have to…” he said the last with tremor in his voice, “she’s lost to us.”
At his words she narrowed her eyes, fear once more tightening her insides and she waited, readying for the struggle. Never in her wildest dreams did she ever think her men would do this to her, and it was happening all over again. She refused to be the caged animal again. She would kill each if she had to.
They looked back at the Captain, bewildered, but by the looks of her, she clearly wasn’t well at all. The first approached and she let loose, fighting for her freedom. It wasn’t long, she was overpowered and subdued but not without hurting a few.
They found a nearby rope and tied her wrists and legs down.
After a few moments one suddenly looked up with panic. “Captain,” he warned and the man approached to look. She was completely limp, unresponsive, her grey eyes empty.
“What is wrong with her?” one of them asked softly, clearly bothered and Eugen shook his head at a loss. “Get me a healer,” he ordered instead of answering and another did as he asked.
Then, he looked to the rest. “You will all keep this matter silent. You have seen nothing this night. The lady is well and you will carry on like nothing happened. If I so much as hear a whisper of you thinking of saying something else, I will personally cut your tongues out. Do you understand me?” he almost shouted and they nodded their assent. “Good, now leave.”
Alone now, Eugen waited for the healer. An arm was easy to deal with. The mind on the other hand was a fragile and complex thing. While he waited he tried to think of someone who could help her. He made a mental list of the people she frequented, and lately there were none. Letters exchanged with friends or family perhaps, but more importantly who was nearest.
Roleplay from Fiona Onyxien
Fiona looked at the unfamiliar surroundings and not one person she looked at dared to make eye contact with her. The people in this area seemed silent and walked around without purpose like a cattle going to get slaughtered. Children were seen everywhere but no laughter filled the streets it was an odd area that brought a cold chill down your spine.
Bowing her head down she pulled her cloak over her head and continued down the street out of the village, she had seen a few men with the Lions Crest and knew Kaylan wasn't far. At a short distance from the village a camp site sat with men gathered around tending to their armor and weapons, slowly approaching on her horse she seen Kaylan's captain's familiar face and smiled at the thought of finding the tent so quickly.
Getting off her horse Kaylan's captain approached with a faint smile and nodded.
"Milady Fiona" he reached for the reigns of her horse and handed it over to one of the soldiers.
"I cannot tell you how happy we are to see you" he took a long deep breath and looked back at the tent.
"Thank you Captain" she smiled "Where is my sister" she started to walk to the main tent.
"Lady Fiona before you enter there's something you should know" he gave her an uncertain look
"What is it?" she frowned knowing by the tone in his voice and the look in his eyes that it wasn't good news.
"Is Kaylan ok?" she quickly started to panic
"She fine.. well she's not hurt" he corrected himself
"I have served my lady since I can remember, but since her return from the past events she has not been herself, she has been distant and doesn't even talk to her men anymore. She takes her orders and carries them out without a second thought, on the fields of battle she has become a monster and martyr's everyone in her site" he looked at Fiona
"I tried to comfort and talk to her after the last battle but..." He raised his broken arm at Fiona "She don't want to be touch or reasoned with."
Fiona curled a nervous smile at the bandaged arm from the captain who stood before her, and started to walk passed him to see Kaylan herself.
"Do not let anyone enter the tent Captain, I will see to her" she put her hand on his shoulder "I know you mean well friend, but she's going to need time and patience to get through all of this" she smiled to reassure him
"Milady there's something else you should know" he looked down in shame "We had to bind her hands" his eyes filled with disappointment "WHAT?" Fiona answered in a panic "HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND!" she snapped and made way to Kaylan's tent
Entering the tent the site of Kaylan laying on the bed with her hands bound took her breath away and was quickly replaced by a sharp pain in her stomach. She couldn't help but be taken back to the events that happened in the mountain. The look in Kaylan's eyes when her attacker took his last breath was something she had never seen before, the pleasure Kaylan had taken in killing him slowly, while his broken body continue to bleed out was also something she never thought she would see in her sister's eyes but it was expected after everything they had put her through. After many years of battle, taking life was something you never grew accustom to but you learn to get passed your emotions when you are fighting for a cause. His death was a pure revenge and there was nothing emotional about how Kaylan chose for him to spend the remainder of his life. It was a cold inhuman act she took part in but she wished to never have to think about it again.
Snapping her finger she ordered the healers out of the tent and sat on the bed next to Kaylan and started to unbound her hands.
"Kaylan, you need to snap out of it" she looked into her sister's cold eyes "We are not in the mountains anymore" she said in a soft comforting voice
Kaylan's eyes diverted to Fiona's without a response and her lips tightened
"He's dead Kaylan" she paused "They're all dead, it's over" she threw the rope on a nearby table
Kaylan's eyes filled with water and she stood up wiping them quickly still remaining silent.
"You are scaring everyone to the point of having to tie you down in fear of their own life, those men out there serve you Kaylan, your Captain would give his own life to save yours!" she stood up and walked behind her
"You have to let it go, your in the lion's now you will never walk alone as long as you are a Lion's" she sat at the chair at the table
Kaylan looked at Fiona and sat across from her and stared into the distance like the words were being spoken but not understood, she had put herself back in the silent state she had found her in when she had been taken, and brutally violated and beaten.
"Talk to me Kaylan" she put her hand on top of hers.
Roleplay from Kaylan McDowell
Kaylan’s grey eyes looked down to the warm hand sitting atop her cold ones. Her entire body was numb, unable to find warmth.
The emerald green eyes in front of her were filled with hope, something she had lost and struggled each day to find. She couldn’t be this person everyone wanted her to be, how could she? Everything that made her Kaylan… was gone.
“Katlyn…” she said the name so softly then realizing her sister would never go by the name, Kaylan still held on to it, because it was something else they couldn’t take from her. “Fiona…” she said instead and her sister leaned in expectantly, waiting.
“I am alone…” she said with a flat voice, refusing to let more tears well up, stilling the quiver in her words. “I am everyday surrounded with people, but I will always be alone now,” she laughed cynically as she tried to explain her state of mind. “There are too many of them. All this pain, this fear inside…I can’t let them see me.” She pulled her hands back and balled them into fists. “There is only one place where I can escape it all…where they can’t find me or hurt me ever again.” She opened her hands and examined the pink scars on her wrists, they were still fairly new. Then she rubbed them slowly, an instinctive motion on her part. A motion she had done too many times in the darkness of the night.
“In here,” she tapped the side of her head and sighed as she gave away her secret. “I feel nothing, I see nothing, I am no one… and I will forever be no one. Can’t you see Fiona?” She should have spoken with fire, with energy at how truly she felt the words, but she had nothing.
“Everything I was, everything you knew of me, is gone.” She lowered her hands as if showing the emptiness between them.
“You’re right though, I do have the Lions now…I’m good at what I do Fiona, it is all I have ever known, but it is only a means to an end,” she said unemotionally.
“I will apologize for scaring the men and my Captain and release them, they deserve better.”
Roleplay from Kaylan McDowell
Kaylan stood outside her tent, actually watching her men for once. This was the first time she had done this since her return. She would not approach them though she kept her distance. Some noticed her looking and gave her a weak smile and an uncertain nod. They did work well together and deep down she was extremely proud of them. Of course, she didn’t smile back and simply returned inside.
Fiona had convinced her to keep the men despite what she had done in battle and what they had seen. They were seasoned men, loyal to her and it would be a shame not to mention idiotic on her part to have to start over with complete strangers. It wouldn’t help her situation only make it worse, and she had to admit her sister was right.
As she parted Fiona had squeezed her hand reassuringly, telling her everything would slowly fall into place and that time would heal everything.
Kaylan was back in her tent now, looking around to her empty life. It was a nice thought. Of course time would heal everything, but here she was, still waiting.
Fiona had told her to let it go and forget? That’s something she was sure she’d never be able to do.
Sitting down, she stared off to the canvas, finding the comfort of the rage filled void.
