Caligan Courier/April'06

The Caligan Courier April '06

Price: Free to the SA N/A for the NA ------------------------ Printed In Domus--------------------------- Editors: Talless; Kamekaze

Rounding Out the Month

First the news, Caligans everywhere are cheering for today, we tasted victory! The TO in Aestus was a success and in very minimal time as well. Hooray!

In other news, we came to an agreement with LoF. Basically, they get Akesh, we get peace and 600 gold for the milita. Cheap but it happens. Its better than facing a two front war.

Also, the Caligan Courier would like to consul Oligarch on thier great loss of Sakima.

Now with an astounding 1000+ Views, (A new record set by the CC and OO for one issue), and a big in your face to the Itorunt Informer, the Caligan Courier wraps up its April Issue.

I Was Right! Am I Ever Wrong?

Well the appointments worked out how I planned them! Matteus got Nascot. Congrats. And Veni got Tokat! And i'd like to point out that I ment Veni all along, not Vlad. Notice the four-lettered words that both begin with a V :)

So the newest lords are Zelos, Matteus, and Veni. And the new Akesh Marshall is Kylar. Congrats to all them, they are all great people and they are none less deserving of these positions.

In other news, Blitz woke up from this mysterious coma thats been goin round, and Ranger, brother to Shadow, is leaving Caligus. Farwell and good luck! But, guess whos also back! Fluffy! Well, kinda, I made a visit to poor little neglected Fluffy, but hes there! Everyone always wondered what happened to him when Sir Dzukin fell in battle. But hes alive! Theres a tad bit of good news! (I think)

In other other news, A rebellion broke out in OR. Funiur overthrew the government in less than twenty minutes! A new record! And shortly after that rebellion, Thanthalus initiated the counter rebellion. Hmm, seems like Chaos just loves to run wild in Old Rancauga eh?

Oh, and you all know this new Region Claim ideal? Its a load of garbage! But apparently its in effect. Aestus is still claimed by us, but guess what! Our former regions Supra and Aureus are under Yssarian cliam! How annoying! But, I guess worse things have happened..

New Positions!

Now, before I announce the new positions here in Caligus, I would just like to say that the queen could not have made finer choices. Very good friends of mine got new positons.

Current Co-Editor Kamekaze was granted with the dukeship of Akesh Temple! Congrats Kamekaze! And soon after that he annouced Kylar as the Marshall of the army of Akesh Temple! Congrats Kylar! Then Queen Gwynyth moved to Sordidus, and guess who got that? Brother of former Co-Editor Kratos Aurion, Baron Zelos Aurion!!! Congrats Zelos! Now only Nascot and Tokat are left lordless. My guess, and vote, would be Matteus for Nascot and Vlad for Tokat. But more on that later this month!

In other news El'rith abandoned us for Yssaria. Apparently he had contacted Yuri, Kamekaze Shadow, Musashi, Kylar and El Az. And had asked them these questions:

Do you beleive that the current strategy laid down by the council is a wise one?

Do you have any misgivings about the current government?

Do you think that fresh blood would help envigorate and uplift the position of Caligus?

If you could have any position in the government, what position would you take?

Sounds like a traitor to me! He was banned by Glen before he abandoned us for Yssaria. In more other news, we lost Aestus today, eh, it was bound to happen. But Aestus sustained a brutal TO for 5 days before finally giving in. Amazing loyalty if you ask me. They went down swinging, just like those of Supra, and those that died for Caligus will be avenged! We shall not allow them to give their lives in vain!

I Can't Beleive It!

All of Caligus was shocked yesterday when the noble Son of Patrick came to Caligus. He came to give us warning:

Letter from son of patrick
Message sent to everyone in your realm (54 recipients)
Greetings Caligians..

I'm here to warn you, the realm where I come from wants to get akesh temple at all costs.. I came here because I don't believe in there false gods etc. And I wish to find a good realm where people discuss openly.

And even more.. I wish to help you as much as possible in your war(s). I brought with me a unit of 400+CS.

You can expect full loyality of me, I never rebelled or broke an agreement. My sword will now fully be yours Queen Gwynyth.

son of patrick (Noble)

Im too shocked to find the words to write.

In other news, Vlad was captured my Yssarian forces in the lost attack upon Aestus yesterday and Queen Gwynyth appointed Sir Cartor as the royal treasurer.

Yssaria is in Aestues with 12k CS running a brutal TO. All we can seem to sum up is 8k CS making it nearly impossible to hold any ground. It appears things are looking grim for Caligus.

Guess What?

Yssaria SUCKS! Oh wait, dont suppose I should say that in an article should I? Oh well. Well Medium got appointed as count of Scio yesterday. We went to defend Aestus and somehow Yssaria was left with an unusually large amount of troops after the fight. Oh and we lost with 9k of CS against their 8k even with the help of our lvl 1 wall. Kinda makes you wonder huh? Its like Eleran spikes their water supply with steriods or something. That would explain alot.

Well, on the better side of news, I consulted with my family this morning, and we dicided to invest in Domus! Though the amount ect. is personel info im not releasing. The Caligan Courier would also like to thank Sir doombringer for his past investments. Oh, and have yall read this region claim bogus? I cant make heads or tails with that thing, I just hope it benifits us. We would happily accept anything to turn the tides in this war. Seeing as we are fighting an army that is now bigger than us and has always been wealthier.

Now for the gossip side of news. Its apparent the whole (gay?) lovescadal thing has boiled down and everyone is being tight lipped. Alot of names were tossed about and it'd be best to not mention them here. (Lest I get in "trouble") Not much else has been goin round, its been quite quiet in Caligus as of late, it may be because of this war thats got everyone down. But fear not! There will always be plently to laugh about (and at) once we're out of this little cold storm! There always is.....

VICTORY VICTORY VICTORY

Caligus ended its losing streak today when the CBD (Caligan Blue Dragons), defeated Yssarian Militia in Aurerus this morning. YEAH YEAH YEAH! Go CBD's!!!

In other outdated news Sorcha(Former Ruler of Ibladesh) was captured by Perdan forces and a new Pontifix was elected. Lemm has come out of a coma! (OOC: Lemm was unpaused) Clayton(Kinght of Tokat) has fallen into this mysterious coma that has been goin around. (OOC: Was paused) Korok(Kinght of Akesh Temple) recently commited suicide. (OOC: Was deleted) His men became milita in Aesteus? Oh while everyone was waiting in Aestues, Sir Cartor and Sir Medium, both former local lords, dueled. I wasnt there so i cant tell you what happened exactly, but apparently several Tl's, including some in the counsil, took bets. Sir Cartor came out on top. And there was some gossip goin around about some (gay?) love scandal in the outer counsil. Details are sketchy on that and i dont want to get in trouble, so ill leave that alone :).

Well Ive Been Slacking

I would like to apologize for the lack of news as of late, ive been training in the acadamy when i fell unconcious for 3 days.(OOC: I went on vacation :)) I need to stop training so hard. Well, basically, Yssaria is in Aureus, we are in Aestus. Neither side has yet to move.

In other news, we currently have only 3 local lords. 3! Akesh temple, Nascot, and several other regions are without lords. In fact Lisa, former countess if Nascot became and infiltrator a few days ago. Shortly after her announcement, she was seen on a ship headed for Atamara.

Heres some more info on Light of Fountain. They have 2 townslands, Viseu and Negev, 1 rural area, An Najaf, and Fontan City. They are a Theocracy. They have ceaced hostilities with Fontan, and signed a peace treaty with Oligarch, Perdan, Yssaria and Sirion. Their ruler is a man named Lycastus who ceded Fontan City from Fontan. Light of Fountain is based on a religion whos temple i believe is in Fontan City. I have yet to be informed of our diplomatic relations with them. Though im sure my uncle, Brom the Storyteller, could inform me.

Again, i would like to apologize for the lack of news. Dont forget about us EC! We're still bringin news!!!!!!

Editor Leaving?

Sir Kratos has left Caligus, thus leaving the Caligan Courier. May he be happy in is new home of Light of Fountain.

In other news, Aureus was taken today, Yssaria had been running a friendly TO for awhile, but i dont expect it to be gone for very long.

News News News

WOW! There has been much going on lately so lets start with Perdan. Perdan's army has recently been spotted heading along north. This could mean only one thing: liberation work, whether in Oligarch or Kalmar no one yet knows for sure. There have been many peasants going north to see the magnificent army and many are wondering what they plan to accomplish as the last time they went north in force was before the bretrayal of Ibladesh.

In other news the election of Thalenteus in OR has led to much speculation as he was once Ruler of Rancagua and has moved the capital to the Rancaguan capital, Kazakh. Ragnell might not be pleased at this, as she is duchess of Oroya the old capital. Old Rancagua has just seen much turmoil recently with the March rebellions, the flight of Fuinur and the Suicide of Grig. How long will the new King last only time will tell.

Lakasis Ruler in exile of the People's Republic of Avamar has publicly deplored El Cid's recent actions as being selfish. We recieved this letter from our queen:

Letter from Lalakis (10 recipients) Message sent to: Doc, Gwynyth, TK Jones, Finwe, Lorraine, Thalanteus, Sorcha, Lycastus, Lilith, Eleran PRESS RELEASE

Rulers of the World

This is to make publicly known that the official government in exile of the People's Republic of Avamar, do not reckognise the new regime in Kalmar Islands as an Avamarian offspring, successor, connected, or anyway Avamarian related realm.

According to the People's will, a series of issues do not even allow us to sympathise the new regime:

a) Everything which has to do anything with Avamar must be democratic, having achieved the clear support of the People. Tyrany or similar methods are not accepted, no matter teh reason. b) The name of Avamar is "Avamar" and its location is well known. c) One Rogala is considered a traitor and he is the person most wanted in Avamar. El Cid was One's supporter and thus banned from Avamar. A Public trial is pending for both of them. No redemption is to be achieved in ways that don't find the People of Avamar in agreement.

With the utmost respect,

Head Office of the Avamarian Government in Exile and

Sir Lalakis Count of Poitiers

El Cid has been trying to creat a new Avamar for a long time, he tried to do so in Caligus as well as in Ubent but was banished before he could do any real damage.

Finally Light of Fountain a new realm rising from the old Fontanese capital of Fontan is being built around a religion with Lycastus at its head seems to be gaining popular support from the high ranking members of the Fontanese aristocracy and Son of Patrick was accidentally picked up by patrols searching for Infiltrators while on his way to the fledgeling realm. He is famed as the general who brought Caligus to the brink of destruction and signed a peace treaty ending hostilites and ushering in an era of friendship between our two realms. More on the realm Light of Fountain later in this issue.

In some more local news, we moved on Supra recenly and loss. After the defeat Sir Eagles Reach stepped down as High Marshall and gave this reason:

Greetings Caligus,

It has been a freat honour to lead the army of Caligus these last few months, but the time has come to step down. These last defeats have left me weary and older than I look, fresh blood is needed for the Generalship of this realm. Maybe after a break when my head is order I might be able to return.

Remeber who ever takes the posistion give full support and full participation is needed, we are back to the days when not enough TL's are on the move.

Thank you again,

But this of course was shortlived, Queen Gwynyth has asked ER to lead the army until she found a replacement, and not to everyones suprise, he changed his mind and decided to stay to the relief of all TL's in Caligus.

Accursed El Cid!

Okay, this little jerk overthrew Kalmar. WOW! What a hard earned accomplishment! Not. El Cid has a history here in Caligus, and its not a good one. He came here after the fall of Avamar. Everyone was suspicous of him and herd alot of rumors about him. El Cid was good for a time, then he found a new Troop Leader and began dueling him to the death. This happened 3 times and El Cid was unable to kill this man. Pathetic if you as me, but finally, our new judge Glen, got fed up with him and slapped him and his assistant with a fat 50 gold fine. Then the little dirtbag gave us a fat "Fine Ill go to Ubent" like he was somone important. Queen Gwynyth asked him as a final good deed to at least pay the fine and he refused. So there is absolutly no good about this man. Oh did i mention we never herd of him again? I thought that new noble finally landed a blow in a duel to the death to end him, but nooooo! He had to go and overthrow the government in a newly developing realm named Kalmar. Way to go El Cid! You now rule the weakest realm and everyone hates you! And for the record, we are not insulting Kalmar, just El Cid. No wait, scratch that, IM insulting El Cid, me, as in Talless.

In other news, Cartor was captured in the battle of Supra a few days ago and Tramii, former countess of Supra, was appointed Duchess of Domus! Congrats to my new liege! Also, a new realm has been formed out of Fontan in the north, but we will have the whole scoop of that later this month! Oh and you can also look forward to an interview with Vlad, the royal treasurer of Caligus.

Well This Sucks

Well we lost in Supra today. I was wounded. I was also the last TL on the battlfield fighting for Caligus. My unit was the last to retreat. Good Fight Guys!

Battle Results (5 hours, 22 minutes ago)
Your scribe has written down this battle report as a Scribe Note.
The battle lasted for 3 hours.
You have gained 3 Honour and 2 Prestige.
38 of your men were killed and 43 were wounded in this battle.
Morale of your troops falls by 23 points. Your men's equipment suffers 24 % damage. Combat training increases by 4 points. Unit cohesion rises 3 points.

Count'em 38, 38! That's 38 Men that died for the sake of their realm. But in better news, I almost castrated King Eleran on the battlefield! In fact my men cut through that panzys men like hot sword through butter! That pervert tried to grab me but I knocked him to the ground. I was two inches away from slicing his manhood off nice and cleanly when his brother Edvard came in to save his balls....literally!

Also, the Itorunt Informer thinks we have some kind of treaty with them. They are apparently stupider than we first thought. I'm starting to reget picking on them. It's like a big burly man hitting a small child.....

The Retaliation of Cartor

Now I'm not sure of Cartor actually read what the Itorunt Informer wrote, but he asked me to put this out, and seeing as he is my liege, I could not say no, so here it is, the retaliation of Cartor!:

This is so petty, why must you start to shout? I mean, I said what I felt, I said what most of us felt, in reply of what you said you felt. And now you feel you must start shouting at us because we replied? Last time I checked there is something like a 'Right of Answer'. Get some honour, you sound like little girls who are trying to pull eachothers hair out. I know this isn't one-sided, but you did start shouting the first, and about what? My attempt to stop us being mocked with for no good reason? We didn't touch you, we didn't mock you, and now all over the sudden you feel you must insult us, and when you do, you feel you have to shout at us for replying? Really, I wonder if you would risk losing what honour there's left by belittling this. Chapeau, really...

Honestly, I think he's dissing both sides, but I'm not gonna cry about it and tell him to shut up, in fact, those are some wise words, and if Itorunt has more than leaves in their brains, since they live in the forest, maybe they actually get something from that. Speaking of leaves in their brains, have any of you read their poetry? Well, let me tell ya, they are not going to be starting a literature revolution ANY time soon... Oh, and this shall be the last article completly dedicated to mocking Itorunt and its Informer, though I never said we're gonna stop entirely, just sub-entirely, make sense?

Let Me Correct the Misinformed Informer...

Quote from the Itorunt Informer:

P.S. Caligan Courier still can't spell view right!

Can't spell view right can I, well I just show you that I know how to spell view:

VIEW

I can also spell morons:

EditorsoftheItoruntInformer

Now what was that about my spelling? And have you nothing to do but look for every little typo My Scribes make? I used to write the spotless articles myself, then I recently got a scribe, complementary from an idea from Hireshmont, so that's where you error, so HA! Oh and find something better to do than perfecting someone elses work! I mean really....

Oh Itorunt Informer
Oh Itorunt Informer
Why have you stooped so low?

Oh Itorunt Informer,
Oh Itorunt Informer,
How low will you go?

You resort to pointing out typos,
And copy the OCPAU's format,
And as far as I know,
you're the OCPAU door mat!

That little number is complementary from Uncle Brom! How do you like dem' apples?

Itoruntian Idiotic Geniuses!

Anyone else read the latest issues of the Itorunt Informer? I'll admit, I took a look. After all, I'm one of their only viewers. They even changed their format! In fact it looked very very familliar. In fact, it looks just like ours! Strange, huh? Oh, it also mentions something about Cartors interview! It was a delightful little piece, I've never seen somebody twist the words like they did! Magnificient job! OH, and under their predictions, something about half of my men getting drunk and dissapearing? Well, so you know, they have famillies and wives to go home to, and they will also have a victory to celebrate, so I see that prediction coming true. WOW! They got one thing right! Yssaria did take Supra, duh, that's old news, but how long to you really think they're going to keep it, I mean come on, our capital is right next to it! Are you really that stupid? I thought the editors of the Itorunt Informer were just a little smarter than this...

More Predictions!

10)The Itorunt Informer Copies the Caligan Courier's format in an attempt to get more views!
11)The Itorunt Informer is going to write more garbage!

Oh wait. Those have happened! Are we good or what?

Supra joined Yssaria?!

Well folks, as much as I hate to say it, Supra is gone. After 6 days(turns) of brutality from Yssaria, Supra finally gave in. Several peasants gave their lives for what they knew was right. But they could resist no more. Don't worry Supra! We're comin'!

On the brighter side of things, we got some more preditions for this month issue!:

7)Doc's gonna throw more hollow threats at us! Yeaaah! That's always a favorite!
8)I am going to castrate King Eleran on the battlefield!
9)Yssaria abdicates their castrated king because he hasn't the balls to fight us!

Got any other preditions for this issue? Post it in the discussion board and if they're good enough, I'll add'em in the next article!

Turns out...

The new format didn't work. OH WELL! You can check out the monthly battle review here though: Caligan Monthy Battle Review

Interview with Cartor (Duke of Domus)

What are your Views on the Recent Fighting with Yssaria?

The recent fighting? I believe they have fought as one, and won as one. Only if we can achieve a battle like that, we can win again. Mainly they just changed tactics, and we are adjusting. Although their new tactics have payed off in battle, they make little progress. Supra will stand loyal to us for very long and will not fail us soon, Yssaria should take notice of that. Let's say we had some bad experiences this last week, but I see many devoted people to tip the scales back in our favor.

What are your Views on the Recent Interview with King Eleran?

Actually I don’t care about the interview, I haven’t read it and I don’t want to. I can’t imagine anything else coming out of his mouth but dum Doughnut jokes and proclamations such as “We will stop this war when Domus is taken, because there is no such place as ‘Home’” His brother was yet another corps, and he himself can’t be anything else than the next.

What are your Views on Itorunt?

Itorunt is either the leader behind this southern resistance or another puppet. I believe they are the second, they dance in Ibladeshian favor, and they smile while doing it. Although I had some reports concerning an authorithy clash between Doomgiver and an Itoruntian Council Member that clearly show Itorunt is getting sick of this treatment.

What are your Views on Their Newspaper the Itorunt Informer?

As my units name was, Itorunt Informer My ***, I will not say they are swines, I will not say they ‘make things up’. But they surely give the people what they want to hear, and if needed they’ll adjust the articles to reach that goal. Our newspaper can’t erase what they say, and they can’t erase what we say, we can only continue to quarrel and feel good for a few minutes waiting for their reply.

What are your Views with the whole ordeal in the north?

Sirion is weak, really, as a realm Sirion is way weaker than suspected. It’s real power lays in his puppets. They like to focus on an enemy, and then swamp over them with 4 to 1. Oligarch will make it, but its regions will be gravely destroyed. When Yssaria is finished, Sirion will cry when hearing about the day they declared war on us.

What are your views with the Perdan/Ubent and Itorunt/Ibladesh War?

Ibladesh is finished, Itorunt is the Great Savior, well they’re just buying time for those up north. Perdan managed to weaken the walls of Ibladesh City from a lvl 5 or 4 to only a 2, and now Ubent thought it was time to engage in full strenght. Ibladesh is finished, the best thing Perdan could do now is destroy the army of Ibladesh, ruin the regions, move to the North and let Ubent handle the TOs.

What do you make of all the recent rebelling in Old Rancagua?

I don’t really know, OR is totally messed up, they don’t know what they are fighting for, they don’t know with who they are fighting anymore. They just decided to strike at anyone in sight, so let's start a rebellion… I wouldn’t think further than that.

What direction do you think Kalmar Islands is going?

Direction? Nowhere soon I’m afraid, they’re stuck in a neverending circle. They have monsters to fight but no men to fight with, but they can’t recruit because their regions are in too bad shape, and the regions are in bad shape because the monsters are ravaging there. We send food to keep their villagers alive, as much as we can miss, but food aren’t soldiers.

Any other thoughts or statements you would like to make?

Itorunt, you are helping your dying master. Sure you can kick me in the chins in your next ‘Issue’, but I’m not going to be reading it, BTW what are you going to say: “Stupid jokes and nonsence”? Well, sorry I brought Eleran into this, I should have known you would want to bring him down.

Ouch! Thats a blow to the grion aint it? Then again, I wouldn't know, I'm a woman, but at least we all know how Cartor feels, and I'm sure he's not the only one in Caligus who feels the same way!

Well Here We Are!

And it aint even April! How do you (the readers) like the new format? For critics, shut up its staying this way whether you want it to or not! (jk) Well we got a new little column to upkeep the battles. Few things you can expect this month:

1)Interview with Cartor(Duke of Domus)
2)Interview with Queen Gwynyth?
3)Caligus takes Abadan!
4)Caligus takes Mashhad!
5)Caligus takes Hamadan!
6)The Itorunt Informer gets run out of business by the Caligan Courier!

Need I continue? It's gonna be a great issue! Last issue was a smashing success coming in with a final count of 650 views!(estimated) And you know what? THIS issue will top that and all of the Itorunt Informers issues put together! W00T W00T!