Itorunt Informer/June '06

The Itorunt Informer
Price: Free! Written by the Alex Exiled and Aurum Bishamon (some editing and input by Ichigo Kurosaki. Yes, the Swordman out of the pits of Hell.).	Bringing you the best of the press from Itorunt!	May Edition

In the ancient wise words, "Veni, Vidi, Pwni."

Another huge battle in Castle Ubent! Oh, and we won. Gotta remember to state the obvious.

Ubents forces, for some obscure reason, were being commanded by a Caligan, Kamekaze. And guess what deployment they used? No really. Guess.

"Fortification deploy? That makes far too much sense. Delay and wound? Oh come on. Something less useful than that... Infantry wall! Yes! That'll do absolutely nothing! I think that's what I'll use!" --Kamekaze, attrib.

An assimilated force of Yssaria and Itorunt (primarily Itorunt) of over 16000 Combat strength, assaulted the walls of Ubent, which was defended by a measly force of not even 4000 strength. A resounding victory for Itorunts troops.

"We offered the peasantry of Ubent a chance to join our allies, and they refused. We offered them a new realm in place of the old, where we could lead them in the enlightened rule Itorunt knows already. They denied themselves this mercy. If we cannot liberate the people of Castle Ubent, we will make their lands worthless as a capital." --Lucian Vincent, High marshal of Itorunt.

Huge battle in the mines of Isadril!

That's right! In a truly epic battle, 16K of primarily Itoruntian forces, along with a Yssarian unit and an Ibladeshian twin strike force, utterly destoryed an army of Ubent. Well, you all know hat the words "Ubent" and "Army" don't go together... it was 5K of assimilated Ubent forces. And saying 5K is being optimistic.

Well folks, we came, we saw, we annihilated all resistance... No-one is really sure why Ubent didn't withdraw, or call on their big brother nation Perdan to come help them... Oh wait. Perdan has attacked Al Arab. And they didn't win. Well, whoop de doo. What a brilliant idea that was, Blackknight... Let your ally die on you... Wait! We said we were going to bash Ubent this month! Sorry, slightly off topic. Well, Ubent was pathetic as well. 10 of their TL's are now wounded, including such figures as the traitor Kiriat, Finwe, speedy, Zog Returns...

So... Ibladesh is about to take the mines. Perdan is about to get lost with their tails between their legs. The north is about to go south... and when they go south, they're going to go south big time. Itorunt is about to kick everyones posteriors who tries to oppose them and basically, we're winning the war. Watch this space for updates. --Alex

A new month, a new issue

With great things lined up for Itorunt, a new edition of the Itorunt Informer is up and running! But you already know that! You are reading it!

This month spells some serious political upheaval. With Oligarch only existing on paper, Ubent and Caligus in the line up to be destroyed shortly, there is a definite need for a paper with the ability, and the motivation, to be able to stand up proudly, on the heights, and shout into the wind towards our enemies, "You suck!".

And so, the Itorunt Informer will stay in business, after triumphing in the Newspaper wars, with The Caligan Courier being effectively dead, and the Oligarchian Observer not having anything to write about apart from ash on the wind, we shall triumph again, and provide a refreshing shift towards Ubent bashing this month. All accounts are completely truthful. --Alex