Muninn Newsrag/October 2010
 MUNINN NEWSRAG
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| Lead Editor: Davendrall (User:X-anne-x) Editor, Agony Aunt and Official Spell-checker: Anneliese (User:Audacity) |
Cost: 3 cookies | October 2010 |
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October's Paper
Ask Anne the Agony Aunt |
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| • Dear Aunt Anne, there's this thief that keeps stealing my chickens and leaving their bloody entrails all over my field. Everyone else says it is a fox, but I think it is my neighbor. What should I do? -Gilbert |
| • Dear Gilbert,
Kill his chickens - or livestock, or whatever it is that he has, and pour their blood on his doorstep. This is sure to put a stop that awful, disgusting behavior right away. - Anneliese |
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| • Dear Aunt Anne, there is a patch of land on my neighbor's field that he refuses to claim. Nothing grows on it, and every time the tax collector comes around he claims it's mine and that I am not taking care of it properly. My lord is a very angry man and I am too afraid to approach him to settle this matter. What should I do? -Anonymous |
| • Dear Anonymous,
Kill the neighbor and bury his body in the infertile part. Something is sure to grow after that. - Anneliese |
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| • Aunt Anne, I think I have a drinking problem. Can you help me? - Anonymous |
| • Dear Anonymous,
No. - Anneliese |
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| Xaphan accuses General Roland of being purposefully incompetent | Tuesday 26th October | ||
| Not long ago, Xaphan accused General Roland of purposefully sabotaging the war to rebuild Norland. Unfortunately, this was seen only by those in the Norlandic army, which means writing any sort of article about this would be pointless, unless I happened to attach a transcript to this newspaper's current issue:
This, also, conveniently means that I won't have to write an impartial summary of events, and will instead have the pleasure of watching my scribe glare at me while she is forced to copy all those letters. | |||
| Editor: Anneliese | |||
| Drunken rabbits rampage through Melias! | Sunday 24th October | ||
| Warning! The upper part of Melias is infested with drunken rabbits. The local watch has issued a warning to all citizens to not enter that part of the region, due to fear of ravaging, or loss of innocence due to the highly drunken rabbits being more...frisky...than sober ones. The cause of this outbreak of drunken rabbits is currently unknown. Rumors have been circulating about a certain female Norlandish noble doing strange things in her estate. Well what I say to this, readers of the Newsrag. ITS LIES! ALL LIES! DO NOT BELIEVE THESE FANATICAL THEORISTS OF CONSPIRACIES! THEY ARE OUT TO GET YOU! | |||
| Editor: Davendrall | |||
| Knight Accidentally Banned | Friday 22th October | ||
| Every noble in Eston was sent into panic today when a knight by the name of Baldwin Scarlett was inexplicable banned "By the order of the king!" Much confusion resulted, with some fearing that Magistrate Athena had gone insane, or that she had somehow gained the gift of a seer's farsight and saw visions of crimes he had not yet committed.
In the end, it was revealed that Sir Baldwin merely bore an unfortunate physical resemblance to the noble that was supposed to be banned: Herunumen of Umbar. Sir Baldwin was swiftly unbanned, and Herunumen banned - the latter of which threatened to stab us all afterwards. | |||
| Editor: Anneliese | |||
| War Is Over (Unfortunately) | Thursday 14th October | ||
| As you probably have noticed, we are no longer at war with Minas Ithil. There are various reasons for this (which I may get into later), but among the foremost is that every other realm in the southern alliance was planning to attack Eston. So, once again, Atamara has returned to its normal state of dreadful, boring peace.
To quote our standing orders:
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| Editor: Anneliese | |||
| Opening of a new brothel | Sunday 10th October | ||
Location: Elonias' Tent Time: All Hours It is my displeasure to report that there is yet another brothel opening in Eston, though this one has several unique features that makes it worthy of an article in the newsrag:
And, finally the last and most unique feature: it is owned by a noble woman known as Davendrall Felhand, and its primary... ahem, employee is a peasant woman known as 'Elonias Myork'la'. She pretends to be a man, and refuses all men that come to her, and will only reveal herself to the man that can charm her clothes off. | |||
| Editor: Anneliese | |||
