Muninn Newsrag/August 2010

MUNINN NEWSRAG
Lead Editor: Davendrall (User:X-anne-x) Editor and Agony Aunt: Anneliese (User:Audacity)	Cost: 3 cookies	August 2010

August's Paper

Ask Anne the Agony Aunt
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• Dear Aunt Anne, I think I am in love with this man, and I was going to tell him, but then he proposed to my sister. I feel confused and heartbroken and I don't know what to do - Tilly
• Dear Tilly, I can't believe you can't see the obvious answer here. You need to kill your sister. With her dead, he's sure to settle for second-best. - Anneliese
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Fiddleford Revolts (Again)		Monday 30th August
Fiddleford has once again declared independence from Eston, not long after the takeover. Those of you in Eston that weren't drunk and hallucinating have probably noticed that this has happened three or four times now. This, dear reader, causes this reporter to ask: What do we want with such revolting peasantry anyway? Can the peasantry be made to be less revolting? The first is a mysterious and unanswerable question, but the latter has a very simple solution, one that should have been tried by now. Every noble joining in the next takeover should take several bars of soap, and at least a barrel or more of liliac and lavender scented oils. The peasantry will then be far less revolting, and have a nice fresh scent!
Editor: Anneliese

Battle in Winham (We attacked something?)		Tuesday 28th August
A large force of Ithilthians caught Eston off guard in Winham, killing and scattering many units. Some nobles were wounded, some were taken hostage, but we can't be sure as to who was, as this reporter has only just realized this might qualify as 'news' a week after the event. Not long after this happened, the Eston troops in the regions surrounding Winham launched a counterattack, destroying every unit that hadn't spontaneously moved to Cantervern.
Editor: Anneliese

Norlandic Duel!		Friday 6th August
There has been much questioning, debate and general confusing recently about whether one particular Norlander, who wishes her name not to be revealed, is male or female. The discussions amongst the army, Blood Crazed Norland Loyalists, has lead to much petty squabbling and name calling. The guards in the local area have been keeping a eye on the ringleaders of this despicable behavior in case it got out of hand, which it did this morning. (The guards didn't do anything...they were just watching). As the Marshal of the army, the Squirrel Xaphan, continued with his pestering and abuse towards Davendrall...I mean...the unnamed female, calling her male names and claiming she was a plumber, she announced she would prove her gender to all who challenged it. And so, Xaphan challenged Davendrall to a duel, and this morning both took part in a naked Mud-Wrestle. The fight was gruesome, but in the end the squirrel claimed victory by smashing his opponent round the head with a conveniently attached Mangle. Nevertheless, Davendrall indeed proved she as female. Now they both face a spanking from the Judge as for some preposterous and unknown reason, Dueling is illegal in Eston. They both expect a fine, which again, is completely pointless as they will merely request more gold from other people.
Editor: Davendrall

The Squirrly Marshal imprisoned!		Friday 6th August
After our single success in battle, the following battles ended in disaster for the Norlanders and the Barony. As our troops moved out and more Ithilian troops moved in, we were outnumbered, to the point that this afternoon the remaining troops in Dunstoke were mearly surrounded and arrested. Unfortunately for us the one that was arrested was our squirrel marshal Xaphan. But now the Ithilians face an even greater worry than several armies attacking them; their Dungeons are now infested with squirrels
Editor: Davendrall

Eston and the Barony of Makar attack Minis Ithil		Thursday 5th August
Finally after many many months of sitting in Eston doing nothing, we finally move out to attack Minis Ithil! Then finally after spending many many days sitting around in random regions waiting to attack Minis Ithil, half of us run out of money, some loosing troops, and have to go back to the cities during the start of the attacks. Despite loosing the first battle in Dunstoke due to an unorganized two turn move, and the second battle, the most recent battle that took place this morning was a victory! The Rabid Squirrel Brigade of Norlanders (though officially part of Eston at the moment) were lead into battle valiantly by Sir Xaphan Squirrellypants wearing his Shinny Girdle of Command alongside the armies of the Barony of Makar. The weird and crazy battle cries of the Norlanders could be heard throughout Minis Ithil. The battle lasted many amounts of some form of time, but vastly outnumbed the armies of Minis Ithil fell and victory was ours! Now we get to loot! Yaaaayyy!
Editor: Davendrall