Ikkies soup
Before the battle in Abykal against Iglavik
Boswick said :
What is it I see coming over the horizon in a cage?
My sergeant has reported to me that Little Ogre has been kept in a cage and not fed ever since his last hunting meal of 4 Ikalak soldiers. Anyway, time to rally the troops with the old cowbell.
As I ring the cowbell I open his cage and hand him a spiked club I yell "Dinner is served Little Ogre!!!!".
I'll follow him into battle and hack apart anything that remains on the way!!! I suggest you all do the same in Abykal!
Here, I need to explain what Little Ogre did with the spiked club.
The battle at Abykal was lost
will said :
Little Ogre did you slip and bump your head while eating the ikkie meat? or did a lucky ikkie hit with his weapon ?
Little Ogre answered :
Me tried to eat what Boswick gave me. Me thought was a leg. In my mouth was pain. Me was bleeding. Me was eating spiked club. Me was too hungry.
Boswick
It appears that Boswick's strategy of starving Little Ogre before a major battle was a complete failure. Not only had Ogre mistaken the spiked club for a leg when he handed it to him, he had tried to eat it and got himself wounded in the process. Boswick needed the "talents" of Little Ogre but how could he use them? Sleeping on a large mat at the entrance to Boswick's tent at night was perfect for his security needs but he had to put him to use in battle. Nothing inspired Sandalak's men and demoralized the Ikkies more than to see a soldier of Ikalak eaten alive before them. An evil grin appeared on Boswick's face as he summoned his personal chef to his tent. "My chef...Bring me the largest meat cleaver you can find along with a full flask of hot sauce!" Boswick stroked his chin and thought to himself "Problem Solved!!!"
Few days later... everyone returned to Sandalak, because they needed a rest
Boswick
The prize Boswick had been chasing for months was finally his. George and Boswick were surveying the fortifications of Sandalak's newest territory. "I will have to compliment Lorien on what a nice job he did of fixing them up for us." The inauguration ceremony was now complete and George was heading down to hold court for the first time which left Boswick with a few minutes of his own. What would he do with his first chance to relax in months?
Nothing could make him more happy then taking his little Ogre for a walk through the streets of Abykal. Although Little Ogre needed no leash it made quite the impression to have him take off at full speed intent on eating a suspicious looking peasant only to be yanked back(taking all of Boswick's strength) at the last second.
Little Ogre was looking a little depressed and may have suffered some indigestion after forgetting to remove the armour off of his last meal or maybe it was the hot sauce. Anyway a nice little tune might calm him down.
"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a wonderful day in the neighborhood for me and my Little Ogre. We'll go to the park and have some fun and jump out of the bushes and watch the peasants run, me and my Little Ogre."
The first verse of that song would always get him smiling and Boswick knew that today was a good day!
Andross complain about hot sauce
Lord Boswick...
I believe that the Sandalak Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Ogres (the SSPCO) has passed a law preventing the use of hot sauce to produce intestinal upset and the resulting toxic waste for the production of Weapons of Mass Destruction, (WMD's) to be used against any enemy realm. This is clearly a "Grave Breach" of the Ibyp convention. Article 3 of the WAR ISLAND "Laws of Armed Conflict" clearly states the following: "Any Ogre, Griffon or Tax sucking Infiltraitor, May NOT be fed any spicy sauces to produce Toxic Waste for use in Battle."
Any breach of this law, grave or minor, will result in said offender being forced to clean up the mess with out benefit of personal protective equipment, such as masks or gloves.
So clearly Lord Boswick, to prevent you from having to deal with this in the future, I request that you refrain from your intended course of action, and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD...DROP THE HOT SAUCE!!! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!
Boswick answer
Thank you for bringing up me to date on the current Environment Codes Andross. I know better to piss off the environmentalists. I do however happen to have a supervisor of sanitation in Ibyp itself who could probably do wonders and put their fears at rest. "Phear, where are you?"
As far as cruelty to Ogres I have decided to add a large sticker/banner to the back of all of our siege engines to encourage understanding and support for Ogres, Griffons and Tax Sucking Infils as you say(no offense Aesurrin and others). I am an equal opportunity Ogre employer and in no way want anyone to think I dont like them. I am very proud of my ogre as my sticker/banner shows:
"MY OGRE IS AN HONOR STUDENT AT THE IKKIE EATING ACADEMY!"
Andross
My thanks for taking us Ogre huggers into account...it has been noted and you are now an honourary Ogre Hugger. Let me be the first to say congradulations my Lord. On a brighter note, I just pulled this off of a destroyed Ikalak siege engine I passed while on route to the front...
"MY SON WAS AN IKKIE APPETIZER AT THE SANDALAK CULINARY ACADEMY!"
Aesurrin
How about a small sticker under that :
INFILTRATORS DO IT FROM BEHIND
All the realm attacked Abykal again but this time, Sandalak troops won
During his trip between Abykal and Triewa, Little Ogre doesn't seem to feel good.
Me is loosing my teeth. Me don't know what is happening. Me feel pain. Me don't like that ! Me should not have ate Ikkies with armour.
Sandalak trops won the battle in Abykal
Boswick
Greetings Ikalak TLs!
Please pass along to Lorien what a fine job he did in repairing these walls! I also want to thank you all for painting them red with your blood. Feel free to come back anytime if Taselak hasnt taken Ikalak City by the time you recruit. You really must question the complete stupidity of your leaders to send 6k CS vs over 8K CS in a fortified position. I feel sorry for the ordinary Ikalak TLs who were just a pawn in your game. Maybe the next rebellion in your territory will work and you will get someone with some sense.
Little Ogre
Little Ogre licks the bloody wall of Abykal, then he says :
"Me finally have my Ikkies soup. Me happy ! You so gentle chef Boswick ! You like mother !"
Little Ogre is so excited that he jumps on Boswick to hug him.
Krillin (troop leader from Ikalak)
Its quite funny how you dare to mock our intelligence because hearing the words of Little Ogre.. Well lets just say his intelligence isnt something to brag about; I Was just wondering if that was Sandalak's intelligence at its finest?
L.D.
It is them dang ikky tutors, cant teach math a lick! My unit is perfectly fine and so am I. As for our little ogre, you really wouldn't like to speak about his intelligence to his face, as the giant prefers fighting to words.
Krillin
Little Ogre might be big too a small man; But I am not a small man; And as for not insulting his intelligence face too face.. well Why would I bother; I'd only have to explain to him what intelligence actually is first and then after a long good two or three hours of trying to get the information through his skill it would take him another six hours to relise that I'm insulting him.
Boswick
The defense of Abykal had been bloody. Boswick and his men had held their ground on the ramparts and with the help of many of his Sandalak brothers ensured that no Ikalak soldiers had broken through to the courtyard. After Boswick saw to his wounded he walked the grounds to do a quick role call of his troop leaders. He passed a line of Ikalak TLs being led to their cells and managed to give a quick foot to the rear of Morgoth, a prize prisoner. It looked like the heaviest fighting had been near the front gate where the Ikkies had tried to force the gates open with a battering ram shaped with the head of a jackass. It looked like the Ikkies paid homage to their leaders afterall. He checked and noticed that Caleria and Empire were wounded but would survive. Oreus had only 2 men survive the battle with him but they had held their ground at the gate. Matter of fact all of his TLs were accounted for except Little Ogre. Oreus had last seen him flailing away with his cleaver in one hand and bottle of hot sauce in the other but he had not been seen in some time. Suddenly, one of the huge stacks of Ikalak bodies stirred and a large mass sprung out and tackled Boswick. Several archers quickly readied their bows until Boswick yelled for them to hold their fire. There was Little Ogre in a complete state of happiness and euphoria with several Ikalak fingers protruding from his teeth. After several hugs from Little Ogre and words of "Soup, high protein, good for dictator" Boswick was finally released from his bear hug. Boswick's white cape was now ruined and he quickly folded and tied it into what looked like a very large Chef's cap. Little Ogre was delighted to receive this wondrous gift and then went about adding his "ingredients" to a large cauldron that was boiling behind one of the stacks of bodies. Boswick proceeded to brush himself off and thought to himself that if he only had 1000 Little Ogres he could rule not only the Southeast Island but the world itself. One step at a time he told himself
END
Thanks to every players who participate, because without you, Little Ogre wouldn't be so funny !
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