RedSpan/Told By Benny/Feb2007

As Told By Benny
Price: Totally free
Told by Benny Kimura Disclaimer: The opinions here are those of Benny Kimura, and are often misguided, jaded, or just plain wrong, but amusing nevertheless. Also, the opinions and ideals expressed in the interviews are those solely of the individual, and neither Benny, the Kimura Family, or the Realm of RedSpan takes any responsibility for what is, or isn't, said. -Also Note!- The Editorials change without warning.	February 2007

Current Opinions/News Tony - The Legend Written by Benny "Wing" Kimura The following story is 100% without a doubt true, this is no lie, but sheer honesty! Tony woke up that early morn Roused awake by the goat's horn To find RedSpan was going to hell The peasants were robbed of their ale So Tony did stand and don Da Hat Mounted his WarGoat and trampled a cat And off into the mist did he ride To reclaim RedSpan's liquid pride The peasants cheered as Tony went by His goat so swift it began to fly And nobody round seemed to question why A goat was running up in the sky Finally King Tony did find the lair Of a scaly monster without any hair And this monster with nay a goatee Had stolen RedSpan's liquid booty So Tony and the beast, we'll call him Bart Each did weave their lethal art Sword against claw, iron on bone Each a king fighting for his throne And just when the beast had the upperhand 'Oer the king of fabled RedSpan An arrow from the mists did fly Impaling the beast in his eye Distracted by the searing pain The advantage Tony did regain The beast did cry "Oh, please spare!" But Tony was too drunk to care And thus the hairless beast was dead Tony had severed his hairless head He turned to see who'd helped him out But nary a soul was about So Tony went home and all was well The peasants were smashed with their ale And Tony was the hero once more Just like a bazillion million times before Tony never spoke of this quest Some some of you might protest Of how I know my facts so well But, oh, I will never tell! The End Branching February 20, 2007 As Told By Benny will continue to report the excapades of various RedSpanners as usual, however, a second paper, an international one, is in the works. Things to be decided: -Name of Paper -Guildhouse? And if so, where? -All the writers (shooting for a 1 from each realm, but we'll see how that works out) -Sections of the paper -Price of paper (OOC: lol) -Establishing of a "Writer's Code" to help reduce bias in the paper, and create a uniform feel. Stay tuned! Back in Business, and other stuff resembling news February 16th, 2007 Whew! What a trip! Walking to Eston from RedSpan is NOT an easy task... Especially with every region you have to sneak past enemy troops from Talerium. Luckily, I had the stealth of a rhino during one of King Tony's parties, so I was fine. Good to be back inside RedSpan borders, thats for sure. And wow, do things look better. And in more ways than one. First of all, the reconstruction is going great, almost all the regions back at full production. Even the last taxes weren't too bad. Also, a new morale and sense of unity seems to have spread across the regions of RedSpan... But that's not all. I come home to find my smelly, older brother who looks like a pirate, Mossimo, has become, of all things, a Priest of Da Way. And he set off right to work to, heading to a rural region where many of the peasants still believed that gods come from rocks and trees... or volcanos... ha, idiots. To jump-start his career as a priest, Mossimo Kimura built a new shrine in Lugrod, to pave way to help the citizens find Da Only, Da True, Da Way. We would now like to take a moment to give some recognition for great work during this period. Min Al'akor - Amazing work you've done, and all of RedSpan thanks you! Keep up the great work! Lysander Longsword - A hero amongst us all, may your legend spread far and wide! King Tony Malone - Your leadership and guidance got us through this, and is a beacon of light in this dark world. Plus, your Ale is absolutely Da Best. Throw more parties! Mossimo Kimura - Building a shrine, becomming a priest, spreading Da Way with a new fervor. Good job, brother! Elenar Tasartir - Your bravery is noted, during the war, and also in the time spent in prison. Truly an inspiration to us all... RedSpan belches for you. Interview with Vatticus Vashmere Before I begin here, a word of caution. I apologize if any questions of mine appeared unfair or loaded. I was only able to ask them simply off of conjecture I heard, both in letters from my brother, and what I was able to gleen from local papers. In no way was I attempting to belittle, or trump up, anything. Also, in all fairness, nothing at all has been edited. Benny: There was a whole lot of controversy about your being appointed Marshal. Has that settled down for the most part now? Vashmere: First off, Benny, man who seems to credit himself a source of truth and investigative reporting. Let me tell you this- There was never “a whole lot” of controversy. There four men out of 140 that had a problem with my “promotion” (5 if you count myself). Out of those 4, three were proven to be spies and/or traitors with REAL proof, though you and your realm have tried to paint it as a conspiracy. The majority of Darka had no problem with it. In fact, there was more protest and anger towards those who protested my promotion then there ever was people angered by Law Mother Lavigna’s choice to make me a Marshal. Many call me a dark man of evil and deceit, yet I watch an entire realm spread lies and propaganda willingly in hopes to bring chaos and confusion to the world about Darka. Let it be known, that the day I was promoted, I was congratulated by the majority of Darka, and the King himself. I have family and friends in Darka numbering high. Your brother Fade was a spy, and one who lasted under two weeks in Darka. I am NOT a spy or danger to Darka, hence why I have been trusted the position of head of Homeguard. Has it settled down? Foolish trouble maker, it never started up. There is and was MUCH MORE hate for your family in Darka then there ever was for me and my family. I have be accepted long before any promotion of my rank, hence why so many support me in the title of Marshal. Since my promotion, many have hailed me as a great Marshal. I do not find myself to be a great Marshal. I find myself to be a man who will kill and bleed for Darka and its people without question. The world tries very hard to paint me as a savage who is hated by his own realm. This is far from the truth. I am a savage who has much love and respect from his fellow Darkans, because I in return love and respect them all. B: Someone mentioned you wear a necklace that has your own fingers on it. Is this true, and if so, care to share the story behind that? V: Yes it is true. I am the man of eight fingers for reasons being those fingers are holy. They were blessed with the touch of the Law Mother Lavigna as she gave me the most important words of advice I have ever been given. Words that showed e a man must devote his life to “something” bigger then himself. Has she gave me these words she touched those fingers. As a holy woman of great power, I removed those fingers to never forget those words. A man’s hand is only skin and bone. Words that change a man’s entire life and direction within life, are things worth cutting your fingers off to remember. B: Have you really eaten an infant alive? V: I have killed children. I will not lie about my actions. I have stomped them and used steel to slay them. But after my time in CE I gave a promise to never hurt a child again. I do not harm children now. Not because I think youth makes one innocent (I think any age of a human is a good age to die), but because my word is endless and true. I gave my word to a very powerful Noble in CE that I wouldn’t kill children and I have never done so again since. But…I have never eaten a child as far as I know. But I can only assume that when I was young, my father had fed all of us Vashmere boys a child or two. I was raised in a very wealthy home with aristocratic nature and science and art. But my father was a very sick fancy lad who had many of his servants cut up and placed in our dinners or thrown to the snake pits or had them slaved to his sickest desires of his flesh. I have never eaten a child on my own accord. But do not think I wouldn’t do so. I find nothing wrong with eating the young of an enemies family. To allow enemy children to grow old and strong is one of war’s greatest mistakes. A true warrior knows children must be slain to insure they do not return to destroy you in the future. It is a fact of war. But I have given my word that children (and puppies) are to never be molested or harmed in anyway by my hand as long as I live. B: There is a rumor going around that you had an affair with lady Lavigna. I want to hear it straight from the source: True or False? (Note: This rumor was only whispered by my brother Fade, and some other alleged rebels of Darka, and some nobles of RedSpan. I merely asked in order to 150% clear this up and shut it up). V: Firstly, there is NO such rumor. You have fabricated this for your rag of lies. What paper reports on “rumors”? How small are a man’s genitals that he disgraces his own journalism in efforts to seek out who is shacking up with who? Are you a man of news or a sheet-sniffing pervert? I shall tell you. Law Mother Lavigna has touched my skin once. I wear those fingers she touched around my neck. Any who accost our relations as anything but professional will find themselves dealing with more then just me. She is a married women, a respected Arch Priestess and an official of this world’s law and a mother of a child between her and her husband. To slur her name has you have just done is a crime worthy of death and a disgrace to the world’s attempts to catalog truth through journalism. Never has any affair happened between me and my Liege. She is the woman who saved my life and changed its direction. She is also one I endlessly serve with loyalty and devotion. She is more then a woman, and in being such she is more then flesh to be had. Whoever started this “rumor” (I assume it was you) needs to check themselves for integrity. B: And for all our fans out there, what's the best state of mind: Sober, Tipsy, Drunk, or Flat Out Smashed? V: Drinking is a thing one does when one can’t be knee deep in blood and violence. In Homeguard I have much time where I am not in battle. The BEST state of mind is “Sober and in war”. Booze is a sedative for times of peace or times of no violence. I drink to silence a demon in my head that demands chaos and blood. When I am in battle I am sober and keen. Sober and keen is the best state of mind. Lavigna's Terror Continues February 6th, 2007 Lord Gauihu, the Judge of Abington, recently executed a Darkan infiltrator that made an attempt on his life. Said infiltrator was rumored to have a past almost as checkered as the Darkan Marshal, Vatticus Vashmere. With several bans and fines on this infiltrator's head, Gauihu felt it appropriate to rid the world of such a menace. However, we all know how much Lavigna loves her menaces (see also: Vatticus), and thus, her silly little rage exploded. Again. She is quoted as saying "all banned infiltrators of Abington will receive death in the Holy Volcano so Damargo's life can rest in peace... their death will have your (Gauihu's) signature on it." (Source: VHN '07) This is coming from the same woman who executed Fade Kimura after a single offense on very shaky grounds. Darka's judge is quick to execute, and now she's using this instance as an excuse to do it more. The free world cries out for her to be silenced forever... How much longer will her terrorism continue? Death in Abington, A Pilgrimage, and Real News February 4th, 2007 Reiss Kimura was found dead in her home this evening. With no signs of a break in, or a struggle, local authorities are taking all servants and scribes in a suspects. There were no visible wounds on the deceased, and local coroners have atributed the cause of death to be strangling. The only clue on the scene was a single white feather. A local officer of the law, however, noted that it was strange... The body had apparently been there not several hours, but several days... But people stated they received letters from her since then. Where-in this mess lies the truth? Also, the writer of this paper, Benjamin (Benny) Kimura, is leaving RedSpan temporarily on a pilgramage to Eston to visit friends. The exact reasons for his temporary military leave are unknown, but some question the timing of it and the death of his sister. Of course, Benny was nowhere near Reiss when she was killed... right? Now that the dust in RedSpan has settled... Things are once again becoming smelly. Priest Easy of Darka tried to spread his religion in RedSpan lands during the chaos, and was promptly assaulted by one of the realms talented infiltrators. He claims this was dishonorable, however, the signs posted on the borders of RedSpan clearly forbid the priests of other religions. It's nice to know the clergy of Darka can't read... Just like their news reporters can trash talk and not even participate in the fight (not that I'm saying any names, Crescent). And, as always, we welcome any comments and editorials to be published in the paper. (It should be noted this author has nothing against Darka as a whole... just select individuals who continue to make fools of themselves). Overlooked! So, the RedSpan Revealer actually has an article about all the new papers sprining up... And totally skips mine. And I live in RedSpan myself. I feel loved... EDIT: Nevermind! They recognized us! All praise King Tony!

Editorials/Editors Notes Editor Benny Kimura of Redspan Special Report/Edit/etc. Writing drunk is apparently not always the wisest decision... Some minor fixes/edits. 1. Marshal does not equal Marshall. What can I say, I like the letter "L". Just rolls of the tongue so well. This error appeared in "Lavigna's Terror Continues", but has been promptly fixed. Well, as promptly as possible. 2. It's been brought to my attention Crescent did fight during the RedSpan/Darka conflict... However, when much of his "smack talk" was given, he was without a unit in Sullenport. Sorry for the confusion. 3. Condolances are not needed for the death of Reiss. She dabbled in works she had no business in, and paid her price for it. An anonymous letter received stated the following. Many things and actions in this world have consequences. One such action is dabbling into the darkest of evils, the so called Blackest Cult. Evil, nor Good, can be allowed to hold sway for long, and must eternally remain in balance. - The White Talon Who this mysterious "White Talon" is remains to be seen, but he, or she, makes it no secret they were behind the death of my foolish sister. I'd thank him, or her, if I could. And I think that just about sums up the errors, my apologies for them.