Come to the Annual Outer Tilog Festival of Virgins

Bring your virgin daughters to the Annual Festival of Virgins. Lots of fun, food and dancing. Let us honor your beloved daughters in the special Outer Tilog way! It'll be an experience they'll remember for the rest of their lives.

Receptionist: Greetings, sir. Welcome to the Ministry of Entertainment and Tourism. How may I help you?

Upset Father: (shouting) They just mutilated my precious daughter!

R: Please lower your voice, sir. What are you talking about?

UF: As a foreign citizen, I insist on filing a formal protest with your government and demand to be allowed to visit my homeland's embassy.

R: Excuse me sir, but I'm afraid the embassy has been eliminated ... err I mean closed due to an unfortunate ... eh ... accident involving a particularly flammable peasant who somehow ended up landing in a vat of lamp oil that had just been delivered to the embassy courtyard. I've heard the results were quite spectacular, but none of the delegation survived to give a firsthand account. We've been trying to open the gates, but they appear to have welded themselves shut in the incident.

UF: They stripped her naked and dragged her up onto the altar!

R: Ah yes. The Festival. Of course, sir. They had to make sure she was really a virgin, after all.

UF: They chained her down!

R: Oh, you are a truly fortunate man then! They only do that for the finest of virgins.

UF: (sobbing) They vivisected her!

R: This is Outer Tilog, sir. What were you expecting? Flowers and pretty little dances?

UF: (shouting) They made her eat her own liver while she bled to death on the altar you heartless fiend! (lunges over the counter at the receptionist)

WHAM!

R: (returns a large mace to its place under the counter) Guard, would you please remove the prisoner.

UF: (groggily) Huh? Wuzzat? Prithoner? (spits out a tooth)

R: Of course. You are guilty of several capital crimes under Outer Tilog law. Filing a Complaint with a Government Official in the 1st degree, for starters, is punishable by immediate summary execution. As is the punishment for attempting to visit a foreign embassy while visiting Outer Tilog. I'm feeling charitable this morning, so I'll drop the Assault on a Ministry Representative with its mandatory six weeks of torture before execution. Since your family has already provided us with so much entertainment, I think we can skip the torture and deliver you straight to the archery barracks for target practice.

UF: Gaaaaah!

R: This is Outer Tilog after all ... Next!