Ironsides Family/Bowie/Too Hot
Too Hot to Trot
Billing
A personal lampoon of the Duke of the Court of Stones portrayed by the Flowrestown Theatre Company.
Setting: Skyreach Hold, Balance’s Retreat
Timeframe: Summer of 22 YD
Dramatis Personae
TYRANT OF STONE, Duke of the Court of Stones – Played by Jeremiah Orchid
GOMES, Courtier of the Court of Stones – Prop
Too Hot to Trot
Prologue
The Tyrant of Stone is exiled by the Lady Imperatrice for sedition. He remains isolated in his private chambers, throwing festivals to cope with the ostracisation.
ACTS
Scene: Inside the Duke of the Court of Stones private chamber. The bones of Gomes have been collected and rearranged into a person, fully clothed.
TYRANT: Gomes! I am so very pleased to see you have returned to me. You are the only person whom I can truly be myself around.
GOMES: -
TYRANT: Yes, Gomes, truly, you and I share a bond together. We are brothers against all odds! The world around me detests me, ostracises me, shuts me up in this cold, lonely, hard as stone tower. Nobody understands me except you!
GOMES: -
TYRANT: The Fellish have exiled me, Gomes, did you know that? They exiled me! They said I was trying to injure the Republic! They said that by organizing a rebellion against the Lady Imperatrice and replacing her with my own Monarchy was considered against the law! They do not know what it means to be a Duke. Do they, Gomes? No! They do not know what it means to be formal – for they are so informal with each other, like very good friends. They do not know what it means to own territory – because they share their territory and estates with each other, like one’s house is open for everyone to enjoy. They do not know what it means to wear a title – because they elect each other based on competence, based on forethought and based on ability. Did you know that I own this region? It and everything in it, from the sky above to the worm wiggling through the dirt between my toes is my property. Anybody who sets foot in my duchy belongs to me! Anybody who serves in my duchy, their mind body and spirit, belongs to me! If a single misspoken word is said to me I send an assassin after them. I do this to show how good of friends we are. If your friend had a spot of mustard on their cheek they’d appreciate it if you told them right? Right?
GOMES: -
TYRANT: Oh Gomes, you always know what to say! It is the exact same situation with me. If one of my friends says and does something that disobeys my view of the cosmos I assassinate them, just as I would point out the mustard stain. They always appreciate my honesty and goodwill. That’s what friends are for. They know they can count on me.
The Tyrant sits next to Gomes, sitting a bit close.
TYRANT: Gomes. Gomes, I ordered a detachment of militia to force the starving peasants of BR to party tonight. Remember the party we had together?
The Tyrant of Stone shifts even closer to the bones.
TYRANT: Gomes…Gomes, you are the only one who looks at me that way. You are the only one, with your smooth white skeleton and wide childish grin! No matter where you are you are always smiling like that! I love that about you…I need more people like that in my life.
GOMES: -
TYRANT: If I were to say, hold your hand like this – would you be upset?
GOMES: -
TYRANT: If I were to maybe…put my lips on you like this – would that startle you?
The Tyrant of Stone kisses the skull. Slowly he begins to undress the skeleton when the curtains close on them. The audience can only hear:
TYRANT: Oh Gomes! Gomes! Yes, Gomes! That’s where I want it! You have such a hard bone, Gomes. Oh Gomes! Gomes! Gomes! Gomes! GOOOMMMEEESSSS! Aw, your marrow got all over me. You’re so bold. I love it.
The curtain opens and the audience sees the skull atop a pile of bone dust. The Tyrant of Stone is undressed down to his skivvies.
TYRANT: Well well, I wish they exiled me much earlier. This is the time of my life! I can stay in these mountains alone for the rest of my days!
