Asgard Informer/Issue One

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Phoenixlarge.jpg Asgard Informer
1 silver coin Ad furorem Normannorum libera nos, Domine Issue 1
News from the North



Phoenixsmall.png   The Mansbridge Massacre   Phoenixsmall.png
by Ceowfyr the Brave
July 20, 2007

This reporter is extremely proud to announce that his first battle as Minister of Defense was a complete success. At sunset today, the Ithilian army was led to the slaughter like cattle. The ferocious Vikings of Norland made short work of the attackers, who suffered horrible casualties, while taking only light casualties themselves. The only stain on this glorious victory is the capture of Owen, Marshal of the Army of Heimdal's Horn. Owen got a bit overexcited, as he left the walls of Mansbridge prematurely, and his unit was routed in a cavalry charge. His sacrifice worked wonders, however, as the archers of Norland gratefully picked off many horsemen that had wandered too close to the walls.

High Marshal Relkin of Minas Ithil foolishly sent his armies forward with as little as three siege towers. The Ithilians were funneled straight into a corridor of blood-thirsty warriors, and mowed down bin droves. A last ditch attempt to break the Viking battle line with cavalry was foiled, and now the soldiers of Norland only had to pick a target, and put it down. Only five Viking units were routed, against the entire Ithilian army. When the dust had finally settled, the Vikings stood victorious over the corpses of their enemies.

And this is just the start... If I told you what I have planned for the rest of my time in office... let's just say the underwear cleaners would work overtime.



Phoenixsmall.png   Rebels in the north   Phoenixsmall.png
by Ceowfyr the Brave
July 19, 2007

For the last week or so, the northern pocket of Atamara has seen some unusual activity. More specifically in the regions of Uforth, Norland and Jerkel, Barony of Makar, where the local rebels have seen fit to declare independence simultaneously. The rebellions were swiftly crushed, but no less than a week later, Jerkel has revolted a second time. Perhaps they are sympathetic with their peers in Galadia, Belegmon or Meldeen, perhaps they have been out into the sun for too long (extended exposure or worship of the Sun may lead to madness, see Athonlaurism) or perhaps they truly think they can survive on their own.

Needless to say, the Norlanders are not impressed, and the rebellion in Uforth is as good as over. A few knuckleheads still offer resistance, but really, all is hunky dory on our side of Renegade Road.


Phoenixsmall.png   Operation RedSpan Liberation   Phoenixsmall.png
by Ceowfyr the Brave
July 18, 2007
The Tarans continue to 'liberate' the regions of RedSpan from the shackles of their goatly rulers, and spread the seeds of 'civilisation' amongst the people. Althoug mostly, the men are just liberating their little generals from the shackles of their undergarments, and spreading the seeds of themselves amongst the female populace. As a Viking, I am offended, and that says a lot. Us lot may not be the most refined - or 'civilised', as Captain often says it - but even we don't engage in random acts of rape, arson and murder. We have the courtesy to limit ourselves to tax offices, farms, forts and the occasional weekend hero wielding a pitchfork. And we certainly have the decency to call it what it is: looting.

The editors of the waste paper more commonly known as the Tara Times, seem to consider the conduct of the Tarans an act of libeartion. Liberation, even though the peasants have resisted several takeovers. Liberation, even though the vast majority of peasants remains loyal to RedSpan. Liberation, even though it is painfully obvious that the Tarans are simply scavenging. Wasn't it just a few months ago that the Tarans stood in Stargard, ready to defend the city from the Ashlanteans? And wasn't it Prime Minister Vengence himself who pushed RedSpan into attacking the Ashlanteans in the first place? It seems honour is a loose concept in Foda and Cagil. But then again, you cannot expect to find much honour - or spines - in a nation that essentially lives off what their masters throw them, or in a nation that embraces the same methods it despises us, Vikings, for. The Talerians, as usual, seem content just tagging along with their big buddies from Cagil. And as for Carelia? Well, why choose the path of honour when you can prey on your former allies?

Yes, any man can see that these brave souls have only the good of the people in minds...

Phoenixsmall.png   Exclusive interview with Krypton the Bold   Phoenixsmall.png
by Ceowfyr the Brave
June 21 2007
Our exalted ruler, Prime Minister Krypton the Bold of the Republic of Norland, has agreed to an interview with the Asgard Informer. We are proud that, for our fist interview, we have managed to snap up such an important and illustrious figure.

Welcome, Prime Minister, and thank you for granting us this interview.

Certainly, good Ceowfyr. Anything for the people I love!

My first question: May I offer you a mug of my new Melmoor Moonshine?

Do you even need to ask?

I thought you'd like it. Now, on with the interview. Can you shed some light on the reasons why Norland is entangled in a bloody conflict with Minas Ithil?

Well, it all started many many years ago, when you were but a pageboy. Norland stretched from Fiddleford to as far south as Lothruin. We had just destroyed our arch-enemy Hasland....wiped them from the earth. I was but a humble troop leader in those days. So it came to pass that Norland and Eston went to war. As was their way in those days, Eston recruited all her powerful allies... 5 realms against Norland. The battles raged and Norland, though destined to be defeated, actually held our ground far longer than anyone could have expected.

MI was created in the shell of old Tuchanon and sought to expand, taking our regions south of the river. We were actually holding them at bay until a traitor seceeded York. Norland's back was broken, under siege at all times and from all sides. Eventually, we yielded....for a time. But we never forgot the fact that MI was only able to gain from us due to overwhelming odds and treachery. There came a time when the realms of Norland, Falasan and MI joined into a defensive alliance...the EA. Under the auspices of this treaty, we were bound to send defensive forces and had the option to send offensive forces at their discression.

So it was that Norland once again went to war with Eston. Norland was beating Eston (though outmanned and out-funded). We had a wall of infantry in Fiddleford that they could not breach. And so it was that they breached the agreement to battle 1 vs 1, calling on Talerium to come and aid them. With the aid of Talerium, they broke our militia wall... and our hard-won advantage. I went to the rest of the EA for assistance. Falasan was "otherwise occupied" as they usually are. MI declined to send defensive forces but instead offered to go offensively....in exchange for Amriel and the right to take Barad Riel. Norland was up against the wall and had no choice but to agree. But MI's assistance was ineffectual and uncoordinated. They could not follow through with even that promise. In the end, Eston overthrew her corrupt government. Their new King, king Andrew, earned my respect and trust. From that, the Northern Federation was born.

Once that war was done, Norland felt that the EA was no more than a paper alliance. Our allies had treated us with great indifference. Worse, MI had again taken advantage of the misfortunes of others...an ally no less! Also during this time, MI had manipulated events and stoked fires of discontent in the south, all with the goal of reducing Abbington's lands and power, attempting to set up another colony for themselves. The Althing of Norland call that "The War of Dishonor". We could no longer associate ourselves with that sort of corrupt and selfserving rule. We left the EA according to the rules of the charter, then sued for return of Amriel and Elost. At first, MI declined. A cold war began, where MI eventually capitulated. But it was too late for peace. The plans had already been set in motion. We had decided that MI could no longer be allowed to manipulate others and reap dishonorable benefits. It was time for Norland to put things aright.

Invertebrates such as Captain and Vengence often complained that Norland knows no honour, because we loot and pillage on a regular basis. What is your response to these ghastly accusations?

I have no quarrel with King Vengence. Captain, however, is another matter. We in the ruler channel are quite used to his babbling. We rarely pay him any notice. Most of the time it is just a lot of drooling.

Do you have any idea why the aforementioned worms seem to have such a personal vendetta against us?

Again, I am unaware of any grudge that King Vengence has against Norland. And who knows why Captain does anything? He is quite happy hiding behind his allies and causing what mischief as he wishes.

Our confederates of Eston are allied with Talerium, and maintain friendly relations with the Cagilans. Do you feel this may pose problems in the future?

Unlikely, in my estimation. Andrew is a very honorable fellow. We value the trust we share.

Many of our brethren now reside in Valhalla. Many of them served as council members when they died in battle. How did you feel when illustrious Vikings such as Derack the Daring and Balian perished?

Krypton the Bold rises from his seat, grabs the nearest keg and throws it against the stone wall, where is shatters into a million pieces. He then proceeds to crush, pound and anihilate everything within reach. After an hour of this, Krypton calms. But the fires burn in his knowing eyes...

One final question before I have to see the doctor for those glass shards in my eye... Where do you see Norland in the future?

Ah, that is the question that we each ask ourselves, isn't it? Once I have left the throne (again) and passed the torch to another worthy Norlander, I expect to begin a life of adventure, free of the demands of state. I shall enter tournaments, which is something I have never done. And I shall head north, for a time, in search of young Derackson. Though he is not here with us, he is a norlander and a son of a great norlander. I shall bring him home, where he belongs. Or I shall die.

Norland, I see her as a stable realm with many allies. Together with our Northern Federation allies, we will work to bring stability and peace to this war-torn island. Then, I'd like to see Africa...

Never heard of it. But anyhow, thank you for your time, Prime Minister. May the Hammer guide us to victory.

Phoenixsmall.png   Gang fight, part two   Phoenixsmall.png
by Ceowfyr the Brave
June 20 2007
Over the past 24 hours, the Cagilans have once again demonstrated why they are such a great realm, by leading a botched attack on a single realm. Riding on their camel friends, and followed closely by the flip-flop champions of Carelia, the Cagilans had devised an excellent plot to capture Stargard. Step one: send wave after wave of their men to their deaths. Step two: use their bodies to make ramps. Step three: lead even more men over the walls, until the defenders are too tired from killing to put up more of a fight.

This campaign brings back memories of another Cagilan-led campaign against the Southern Federation. Some time ago, they, together with about half the continent, valiantly led several failed attacks on Abington. A colony was founded in Wayburg, which was then left to die by the brave Cagilans and their equally courageous cronies. This time, the Cagilans have fewer allies, and more enemies. So it is this reporter's opinion that the Vikings will have some good laughs with this campaign.

Phoenixsmall.png   Fair and balanced? Like a thief with one leg!   Phoenixsmall.png
by Ceowfyr the Brave
June 19 2007
Today, a new source of... well, news, has emerged on Atamara. Today, we witness the creation of the Asgard Informer! It will cover all the most important national and international events, as well as bring you a blatantly biased view on said events. Some people say Dead Angel3 and Captain are excellent spin doctors, well, you haven't seen a thing! We will twist the facts so much, even we won't be able to separate fact from fiction! Why? Because the age-old saying goes 'In war, truth is the first casualty'. And since we Vikings do the job with bravado, we intent to mutilate the truth beyond recognition.

The Asgard Informer: Confused? We know we are!

Headlines
July 1, 2007, aM
Monthly elections held!

Krypton the Bold, Vengence and Captain have been re-elected as Prime Ministers of Norland, Cagilan Empire and Talerium, respectively.

Elections in Norland!
Sir Gimlack the Grizzly, Duke of Brackhead remains Grand Justiciar of Norland.

June 29, 2007, PM

Region takeover!
Minas Ithil has taken control of Winwich from Norland.

June 28, 2007, PM
Huge battle fought in Stargard!

The remnants of the Abingtonian-RedSpaniard forces are swiftly defeated by the troops of Cagilan Empire, Tara and Talerium.
3,000 CS vs 22,000 CS
Defender victory!

Region takeover!
Abington has taken control of Tarkhog, a region belonging to Carelia.

June 28, 2007, AM
Huge battle fought in Stargard!

The armies of Abington and RedSpan launch a second attack against the occupying forces of Cagilan Empire, Tara and Talerium.
Again, they are defeated, and many of their nobles are taken into custody. Sir Grand Poopah, Duke of Stoneville is slain.
13,000 CS vs 26,000 CS
Defender victory!

Region revolts! The people of Nazia have declared independance from Eston.

June 27, 2007, PM
Huge battle fought in Stargard!

The combined armies of Abington and RedSpan attack the occupying forces of Cagilan Empire, Tara and Talerium.
The attackers are outnumbered and defeated, both sides lose several nobles as prisoners of war.
19,000 CS vs 28,000 CS
Defender victory!

June 26, 2007, PM
Region takeover

Carelia has taken control of Atblane, a region belonging to RedSpan.

June 26, 2007, PM
Region takeover

Falasan has taken control of Belegmon, a region belonging to Eston.

June 25, 2007, PM
Region takeover

Tara has taken control of Meldeen, a region belonging to RedSpan.

June 21, 2007, PM
Region takeover

Eston has taken control of Belegmon, a former rogue region.

New ruler in RedSpan
Shamus was elected as King of RedSpan, with three quarters of the vote.

June 21, 2007, PM
Region takeover

Eston has taken control of Belegmon, a former rogue region.

Region takeover
Eston has taken control of Nazia, a former rogue region.

June 20, 2007, PM
Huge battle fought in Nazgorn!

An army of Darka attacks the troops of Falasan.
The attackers are overpowered and defeated
7,000 CS vs 9,000 CS
Defender victory!

Huge battle fought in Stargard
Troops from RedSpan launch a desperate attack on the occupying forces of Cagilan Empire, Talerium and Carelia, but are easily defeated
5,000 CS vs. 37,000 CS
Defender victory!

June 20, 2007, AM
Huge battle fought in Stargard!

The forces of Cagilan Empire, Talerium and Carelia attack the armies of RedSpan once more.
This time, the defenders are unable to withstand the attack. Valanduil, Count of Ambermel, was killed.
36,000 CS vs 12,000 CS
Attacker victory!

June 19, 2007, PM
Huge battle fought in Stargard!

The forces of Cagilan Empire, Talerium and Carelia attack the armies of RedSpan.
The attackers are defeated, and suffer many casualties.
40,000 CS vs 23,000 CS
Defender victory!

June 19, 2007, AM
New paper surfaces in Norland!

Today marks the creation of the Asgard Informer. It will cover the news of Atamara, and Norland in particular, in a completely unbiased and balanced way. Or so we've been told.