Outer Tilog (Realm)/Poetry

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Herein lies the most black hearted speech to ever cross the lips of the Outer Tilogian nobility. Every effort has been made to provide proper credit to the responsible parties, in order to assist law enforcement agencies in apprehending the guilty parties. Those with permanent disabilities, children under the age of twelve, and expectant mothers are not advised to read any further.
And if you think these are torturous to read, just imagine having to listen to Angus or Woefix sing them...

An adaptation of the immortal words of T'hClash the Earsplitting by Pharmakeus

Dethargos you gotta let us know…
Should we stay or should we go?
If you say that we should police the mine
We'll be here 'til the end of time
So you got to let us know
Should we stay or should we go?

Oh Dethargos with you it is…

Always tease tease tease
You're happy when we knock peasants to their knees
One day your fine, the next your mood is black
So if you really do want us off your back
Well come on and let us know
Should we Stay or should we go?

Your indecision is bugging me
If you don't want us to set these peasant dogs free
Exactly then who are we supposed to be?
This damn peasants clothes don't even fit me

A Hulaferd work chant

as transcribed by Brute Screamking, scribe to Countess Yukiko

Tax collection pay, and the army's ready to work
Talking about the weekend, rubbing Lukon in the dirt
Some heading to slaughter families, some find anyone to hurt
Some hanging out in Hulaferd doing lots of Civil Work.

Working on the highroad slogging through the black slop
Working on the highroad my life is gone if I dare stop
Working on the highroad carting corpses round the clock
Working on the highroad, working on the highroad.

I'll work for the Countess until I'm 95
All day I hold her war banner and pass the other soldiers by
In my head I keep a picture of that terrifying Miss
Someday, Mister, I'm gonna die for her and nevermore experience

Working on the highroad slogging through the black slop
Working on the highroad with no Lukonites to mock
Working on the highroad praying Yukiko doesn't bash my face with a rock
Working on the highroad, working on the highroad. 

A Tribute on the occasion of Chancellor Garm's election

written by Lady Murakama Yukiko, and her Chief of Staff Hors D'oeuvre

I saw Garm with Yukiko's menu in his paws
Walking through the streets of OT in the rain.
He was looking for a place called AYMCA
Gonna get himself a big dish of peasant's brains

HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!  Garm of Outer Tilog.  HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!

If you hear him howling 'round your kitchen door,
You know he's gonna do you in.
Twelve whole families got eviscerated late last night.
Garm's been midnight snacking again.

HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!  Garm of Outer Tilog.  HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!

He's the hairy-handed soul who dug up Holly's Hole
Lately he's been prowling 'round the harbour
Well Moira got bumped off
and though some people scoff
They went and made him Chancellor

HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!  Garm of Outer Tilog. HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!

Well I saw Dethargos walking with the Senat
Doing the Garm of Outer Tilog
Well I saw Dethargos' relatives walking with the Senat
Doing the Garm of Outer Tilog.
Well I saw Garm drinking a pint of blood ale at the AYMCA.
His fur was... perfect.

HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!  Garm of Outer Tilog.  HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!
HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!  Garm of Outer Tilog.  HHHRRROOOWWWWwwww!

It's got a great beat, and it's easy to dance to!

A lullabye, Tilogian style

Pharmakeus, Chief Poisoner of Outer Tilog


Hush little Garmy, I know what you crave
Pharma's gonna to buy you a Giblet slave

And if that Giblet slave won't bow
Pharma's gonna buy you an undead cow

And if that undead cow actually dies
Pharma's gonna buy you the Lord of Flies

and if that Lord of Flies won't play
Pharma's gonna buy you a virgin to slay

And if that virgin starts to beg
Pharma's gonna beat her with her own leg

And if that leg begins to break
Pharma's gonna carve out a big old steak

And take that steak juicy and raw
Pharma's gonna toss it in Garm's nasty maw

And when Garm swallows that juicy steak down
He'll be the meanest creature in town.

Now nighty night little Garm. You're gonna grow up to be a big big...thing

Makin' A Mess

Adapted to Outer Tilog by Lady Alynna, Countess of Nidalery

Garm the Toothgnasher just a singin’ the blues
Caught Holly with another man
Lit up a serf and did some talkin’
With the back of his hand

She started shakin’, started losing her mind
But he was kicking back and playing it cool
Signed her walkin’ papers
Took the 5:15 to Alowca-zoo

Sing for your supper,
Nobody rides for free
Eat your heart out, I’ll send it m.o.d.

One, two baby what you do
Three, four let me show you the door
You’re better off dead than makin’ a mess of me
Five, six take your last licks
Seven, eight let me give it to you straight
You’re better off dead than makin’ a mess of me

Now Garm-boy’s out havin’ a ball peeing on patrons at the local bar
Dark corners, hard kicks, he’s on Dethargos Boulevard.
Slick Zane and his gargoyle sayin’:
Sign upon the dotted line!
He shook his head and said:
All I need is dig holes in that Holly of mine!

Sing for your supper,
Nobody rides for free
Take your big time, I’ll take care of me

One, two baby what you do
Three, four let me show you the door
You’re better off dead than makin’ a mess of me
Five, six take your last licks
Seven, eight let me give it to you straight
You’re better off dead than makin’ a mess of me

When trouble came knockin’
Garm keeps bitin' like this!

Sing for your supper,
Nobody rides for free
Eat your heart out, I’ll send it s.o.d.

One, two baby what you do
Three, four let me show you the door
You’re better off dead than makin’ a mess of me
Five, six take your last licks
Seven, eight let me give it to you straight
You’re better off dead than makin’ a mess of me

One, two baby what you do
Three, four let me show you the door
You’re better off dead than makin’ a mess of me
Five, six take your last licks (lick it)
Seven, eight let me give it to you straight
You’re better off dead than makin’ a mess of me

Tilogian Serenade

The tune Africa written by David Paich, Jeff Porcaro and Toto. Adapted to Outer Tilog by Sir Angus, Minister of Offense (MOO) and Lady Alynna, Countess of Nidalery


Angus rolled out of bed...he looked over at the Alynna and grinned his twisted grin...he grabbed her by the hair and pulled her too him...kissing her roughly...his inspiration...this little blonde vixen turned muse made his heart sing with an anti-valentine anthem...

Striding to the door he opens it and steps out into the hall...and begins singing in his loud...clear...(not necessarily good...just clear) voice.....

Zane hear the sacrificial drums echoing through the night
But Alynna hears only whispers of some quiet conversation
Some peasant is leaving on 12:30 TrebEx flight
The firelit Iron Maidens reflect the scars that Moira carves in salutation
Darr stopped a man in a helmet
Hoping to find some standing orders or ancient battles
He turned as if to say, 'Get out of my way there is an ale waiting for me'

Chorus:
It's gonna take a lot of virgins to drag me away from the BBQ
There's nothing that Blop or his minions could ever do
Bring the cursed rains down on Tiaro
Detinu just knew Outer Tilog had the things he had to have

The wild Garm cry out in the night
As he grows restless longing for Nuori footwear for company
Yukiko knows what she must do what taste right
Sure as Gildon taints the sweet meats rotting on the field
Pharmakeus seeks to poison what’s deep inside, we've frightened all with what Tilogians have become

(strangled barmaid croak out the chorus... literally)

(torture break)

Hurry , Raaarox a stable's waiting there for you

It's gonna take a lot of virgins to drag me away from the BBQ
There's nothing that Blop or his minions could ever do
Bring the cursed rains down on Tiaro, bring the cursed rains down on Tiaro
Bring the cursed rains down on Tiaro, bring the cursed rains down on Tiaro
Bring the cursed rains down on Tiaro
Detinu just knew Outer Tilog had the things he had to have

Angus finishes the anthem on a low note...to the sound of crockery shattering as several empty ale pints hit the door frame.....turning Angus grins a proprietary grin...complete with its normal twist as he strides back into the room closing the door behind him.


The Chancellor

There once was a Chancellor of Tilog
Who Ruled through a mind-numbing fog
His movements quite shaky
from a brain most flaky
Till Pharmakeus drownt him in a bog!

Garm Devourer

Tom Sawyer, Adapted by Zyzyx "Listen, newbie, to this song. It's definitely something you should know about your liege."

Zyzyx sings with a wailing voice, too high to be credibly masculine yet not fitting for a woman.

A rotten-gray warrior
Mean, mean stride
Today's Garm Devourer
Mean, mean pride

Though his mind is not absent
Don't think of him as intelligent
His reserve, a reeking excess
Trotting out the day's events
The river

What you say about his majesty
Is what you say about our society
Catch the fist, catch the myth
Catch the mystery, catch the spit

The drool is, the drool is
Howls and lice gone deep
Maybe as his holes are wide

Today's Garm Devourer
Forfeits land and you
In the space he takes
He gets by without you

Tini-nini-tinii, tii-ninini-tinii.

"Though his teeth are just for rends
To any knight or peasant
Always hopeful, yet discontent
He knows meals aren't permanent
But death is

And what you say about his majesty
Is what you say about our society
Lose your fitness, lose your wit
Lose your spirit, lose your s***

The drool is, the drool is
Howls and lice gone deep
Maybe as his holes are wide

Excite the warrior
Today's Garm Devourer
Forfeits land and you
And the anarchy you fake
He bites right on to the marrow, oh so gray


Blood-Red Kingdom

Sir Tiaro Flightwing, Chancellor Extrordinaire of Outer Tilog


(OOC:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbwS8wa4OLA)

Trebex scribes flying in the Tilog sky
They have no wings
Like wordless rebels strung up high
That cannot scream.

Endlessly the blood will flow
And no one knows
How many messages are lost
If the wind does blow.

It's a blood-red Kingdom
In a burnt, black land
And this cold, cold Kingdom
Will never be found bland.

Shining blood on my shirt again
I wonder why
The little peasants won't stay away
As they wander by.

Talking to the wolf-beast
Wonder if he hears
Looks as though he found a feast
Of Giblot ears.

It's a blood-red Kingdom
In a burnt, black land
And this cold, cold Kingdom
Will never be found bland.

Gargoyle on the city walls
Will never fall
His staring eyes remind me
To watch for Zane's pitfall.

Oh, abyssal demons
Will you curse me?
Let's kill the Giblots
In the Holes of Holly.

And here comes Pharmy
Taking the region
His huge army

It's a blood-red Kingdom
In a burnt, black land
And this cold, cold Kingdom
Will never be found bland.

It's a blood-red Kingdom
In a burnt, black land
And this cold, cold Kingdom
Will never, will never be found bland.

Zyzyx' Official Unofficial Election Song

To the tune of Roundabout by Yes.

Zyzyx appears on a rotating stage in the middle of the massive hole dug in the middle of the massive Outer Tilog. It prances around in a white robe and sings in freakishly normal voice, at least when compared to other voices it has used in singing.

"I'll beat that rat around
Those hooks will turn him inside out
I spend the day away
Call that Pharmakeus a punk and throw him face first to an alley

The mallets dance and sing
They make the ribcage really ring
spend the day away
Call that Pharmakeus a punk and tie him ass-first to a galley

Around Outer Tilog
Ballots come out of the sky and you stand there
One mile over you'll be there and I'll see you
Ten enforcers will be there and laughing too
Twenty votes on my behalf you'll see tomorrow through

I will dismember you
A Pharmakeus will spice the soup
A bouquet brilliant
Call that Pharmakeus a skunk and sell him off to manual slavery

Around Outer Tilog
Ballots come out of the sky and you stand there
One mile over you'll be there and I'll see you
Ten enforcers will be there and laughing too
Twenty votes on my behalf you'll see tomorrow through

Along the drifting crowd the peasants searching down on the land
Voting the girly thing the noble sees a coin in his hand
The drinks are flowing free and blood is staining the pristine land
Don't vote for Pharmakeus, just rub his ballots on soiled sand
Can't stand to lose all time to retards wiping snot in their hands
Next to your ballot box with a knife in hand I will stand
I'll beat that rat about
The hooks will turn him inside out
I'll grind that rat to ground
The hooks will turn him inside out

Around Outer Tilog
Ballots come out of the sky and you stand there
Twenty votes on my behalf you'll see tomorrow through

I'll beat that rat around
Those hooks will turn him inside out
I spend the day away
Call that Pharmakeus a punk and leave him cut up in a valley

Around Outer Tilog
Ballots come out of the sky and you stand there
One mile over you'll be there and I'll see you
Ten enforcers will be there and laughing too
Twenty votes on my behalf you'll see tomorrow through..."


Tiaro, Chancellor King Tiwo Presents...Wetham Town!

(OOC:http://youtube.com/watch?v=CBbDcyqnqHE)


Nothin' ever (ever) happens in this realm
Feelin' low down (down), not a lot to do around here
I thought that I would go right out of my mind
Until a scribe told me the news

He said, "Hey you know that stupid realm
Right beside Assassins? Well they're gonna take it
And on that spot they're gonna build a town
Where we can kill and rape and booze"

Since then I've been walkin' on air (air)
I can barely burn my scribe or tear out his hair
'Cause I'm so excited and I really don't care
I've been waiting since last June

For this day to finally arrive
I'm so happy (happy) they won't be alive
'Cause any minute now we're gonna be inside
Well, I hope we attack soon

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are we gonna rip down their door?
We're goin' (yes we're goin) goin', we're a goin’ to the
Goin' to the (Wet) ham we're goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (Wet) we're goin' to the (wet) oh yes, we're goin' to the
Wetham Town

While we're laying siege we'll camp out overnight
Right in front of the town, then as soon as it is dark out
We'll press the attack up against the walls
You know, we have to be first inside

Gonna get me a liver and a skull
Want a pair of earlobes for every single room of my house
See those virgins? Very, very soon
All of them will be all mine

Guys with longswords tryin' to protect the walls
Rows of trebuchets that go on for miles and miles
Brand new batter-ing rams all drenched in burning oil
All arranged against the gate

And we're doing a comical stunt
Got a great big blood red sign out front
That says every single Wetham family
Will be sent to the ME&T

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are we gonna rip down their door?
We're goin' (yes we're goin) goin', we're a goin’ to the
Goin' to the (Wet) ham we're goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (Wet) we're goin' to the (wet) oh yes, we're goin' to the
Wetham Town

We're goin' (yes we're goin) goin', we're a goin’ to the
Goin' to the (Wet) ham we're goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (Wet) we're goin' to the (wet) oh yes, we're goin' to the
Wetham Town

Would you look at all that stuff...
We've got Breast Rippers, toenail peelers, chairs of spikes and a pillory
Head compactors, blood extractors, heated rods and burning feet-ers
Judas chairs, wheel wires, spiked goggles, spanish spiders
Torture racks and lead mallets, the pear and stakes set with fire
Rebel hangers, eyeball cutters, shackles, irons, nipple cutters
Teeth removers, a horse's hoov-ers, steel maidon with heavy shutters
Water torture, torture tables, female stripping, sharp-end cables
Hooks and tackle, seen our rack-le? Power floggers with heavy ladles
Chemicals for fumigation, guillotines with no lubrication
Metal chaining, barb wire framing, multi-purpose flagellation
Head compressors, disconnectors, wrecking chisels, blood insect-ers
Torture cages, evil mages, lead-filled hats and heart dissectors
Organ destabilizers, and untrained circumcisors
Spiked rackets, heated brackets, prison cells and torture chambers
Brazin Bulls and rat torture, garotte torture, wheel torture
Heretic's fork, cat's paw, matching hand and foot torch-ers

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are we gonna rip down their door?
We're goin' (yes we're goin) goin', we're a goin’ to the
Goin' to the (Wet) ham we're goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (Wet) we're goin' to the (wet) oh yes, we're goin' to the
Wetham Town

We're goin' (yes we're goin) goin', we're a goin’ to the
Goin' to the (Wet) ham we're goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (Wet) we're goin' to the (wet) oh yes, we're goin' to the
Wetham Town

We're goin' (yes we're goin) goin', we're a goin’ to the
Goin' to the (Wet) ham we're goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (Wet) we're goin' to the (wet) oh yes, we're goin' to the
Wetham Town