Kingsley Family/Alyssa/Blunt Objects

This story ran from 5/17/2020 to 5/23/2020. It details the events and aftermath of a training match between Alyssa and her partner, Isana where a tragic accident occurs as a result of Alyssa's difficult adjusting to peace from war.

Content Warnings: Graphic Depiction of Violence, Emotional Trauma

Kingsley

(5/17/2020)

Alyssa grabbed a training sword carelessly from the rack. She took a step and gave it a light twirl, satisfied with its weight. She turned to her partner who smiled at her brightly across the room.

"Ready darling?" Alyssa challenged, bright flames melting the cold ice of her bright blue eyes. Her heart already began to speed up as she approached her challenger. Whether that was from the sight of the woman she loved or coming dance she could not tell. She imagined a little bit of both.

"Oh quite." Her Dawnstar answered with a playful smirk of her own as she tucked her long dark braid into the back of her shirt. "I've been practicing, don't think I will go easy on you, Aly."

Alyssa couldn't help but smile. Isana's confidence and cheerful demeanor never failed to do that. Indeed Isana's technique had improved a great deal since they had started training together. She thought back to their first match, back before winter. Watching Isana practice the moves she had taught her. The feeling of pride as she successfully held off one of Alyssa's attacks. The clang of training swords as the two women danced around each other. Today, they would dance again as they stood a pace away from one another.

"Very well dearest, then neither shall I." Alyssa said as she put a hand on her partner's cheek and kissed her, hmmming contentedly. As their lips parted they both took a step back and raised their swords, touching them together as they watched each other. Alyssa stared into the deep blue-green of her love's eyes, watching to see what she would do.

The dance begun.

Alyssa made the first move, taking a step forward into Isana's space. Quickly her partner matched her step back, raising her sword in a defensive stance. It was well for Isana that she did for Alyssa's blade came down right onto the blade, as it blocked the blow from striking her in the arm. Alyssa sprung lightly backwards, giving the two a little space as they stepped around each other eyes trained on each other's. You must attack sometime sweet lioness. Show me your claws. Alyssa mused, giving her sword a twirl. She studied the other, her stance defensive, her blade ready to block. Just as well. If you wont attack, then I shall.

Alyssa leaped forward swinging her sword ferociously as her partner's came down to knock it out of the way. Very good... But I've shown you how to break this stance, are you ready? Alyssa's blows came quickly and precisely, each swing of the blade met with a loud clang and another step forward. She kept her pace up relentlessly, but Isana matched every blow she could throw.

Alyssa had found herself in such a situation before, she recalled as Isana blocked another of her swings; during a battle in Dimwood she met an Eponli sergeant, she could tell by the crest on his helm. Clearly he was an experienced warrior too for he matched her every blow and even struck back his own. The battle was terrible, death and blood all around as the dying groaned and screamed in pain, war cries and the clang of metal on metal as swords clashed. She had killed several men that day, fortunately most of them smartly wore helms. Their faces at least would not follow her like the rest, though she felt the sting of terror as she let the blood out of their bodies with her sword. So much blood.

This soldier however seemed to have lost his, his scarred face and dark mustache curled downward as his eyes so brown they seemed black watching her in a scornful gaze as they locked themselves in combat. This soldier in particular was a master of defense. No matter what direction she tried to come from her sword could not get past him. He was bigger than her, and quick for his size, but fortunately she was faster. She quickened her attacks, slamming her sword against his shield relentlessly as she pushed him back, taking a step forward into his space with every swing. Yield, damn you! Finally she knocked his blade away, gritting her teeth as she thrust the blade forward past his defenses right through his mail between his lower ribs. Victory. She thought as she watched her opponent's deep blue-green eyes widened with surprise, then pain.

Alyssa pulled the blade from between bloody ribs as horror washed over her, realizing where she was and who she had just run a sword through. A training sword... Alyssa thought, confused and in shock as the woman she loved fell to her knees clutching her side as blood spilled out.

The edges were blunt as they should be, but the tip, covered in the blood of her partner was not properly blunted, still a little bit sharp, sharp enough to hurt. Sharp enough to kill. Everything stopped. Alyssa dropped the sword and rushed to Isana's side, pulling off her tunic, her white linen undershirt already turning red with blood as she held the woman close to her.

"No nono no nonono." She muttered panicky as she balled the tunic up and pressed it tight against her wound. " 'Sana I'm sorry I'm sorry, darling I'm sorry please" tears began rolling down her face as she held the cloth as tight as she could to Isana's side. Alyssa yelled in anguish as she wept, her arms tight around the light of her life.

​​​​​​​There was so much blood.

Everlight

(5/19/2020)

Isana was early to the training room. She readied herself for the match then strolled quietly around, through the beam of sunlight in the center, feeling the springy response of the sanded wooden floor underfoot, the familiar smell of leather and sweat and fresh air in her nostrils, and her mind full of memories. She ran through a few drills, letting her mind wander. The first time she had really spent time, one-on-one, with her dearest heart. Those early affectionate moments, her confident coaching, and her own feelings of attraction for the woman who moved so gracefully in combat were awash in her mind as she circled slowly with eyes unfocused.

Alyssa appeared right on time, expression stern, cold blue eyes darting about as she strode with smooth efficiency into the room. Isana was mesmerized by the movement. Blonde hair in a long silken braid swung gently with each step Alyssa took. Her steps were confident, precise; her shapely figure draped with the same loose linen shirt she favoured for casual exercise. Alyssa’s gaze found Isana. The dark-haired knight saw the stern tension relax, squared shoulders drop just slightly.

Alyssa selected a weapon nonchalantly, giving it an expert spin. Isana smiled in delight watching her effortless dexterity.

"Ready darling?"

Isana felt her heart thrum into her ears. Will I ever not feel butterflies around her? she mused, enjoying the excited sensation like the first bite of a double-chocolate cake.

"Oh quite. I've been practicing, don't think I will go easy on you, Aly."

Her dear sky smiled, that precious light of joy that Isana treasured, at this cheeky statement. It was mostly bravado--she knew she was entirely outclassed with a blade by this woman--but she had, in fact, been practicing quite a bit. Alyssa closed the distance between them, catching Isana’s gaze in her steel-blue eyes.

"Very well dearest, then neither shall I."

One of Alyssa’s warm hands found her cheek, and Isana leaned into the kiss. That’s how to start a match! I’m warm now! Isana giggled to herself silently, sure her eyes were sparkling with mischief, but she kept the thought to herself. She saw her love’s smile start to fade as the keen battle focus took hold, steely blue eyes carefully watching her own. She was still graceful, but the poise was purposeful now, alert, squared-off.

The dance began.

Isana took her guard stance, feeling confident, eyes focused on her opponent’s center, waiting for the more aggressive woman to make a move. Alyssa pressed closer into and out of her reach, watching her step and retreat, almost teasing. Isana focused on her guard, determined to make the bout a longer one, to give her love a bit of a challenge instead of a novice training. She was careful of her knee that had been twisted in the recent battles down south, and was careful not to let the slight weakness show.

As anticipated, after a few soft tests to warm up, Alyssa attacked with the overrun tactic she’d trained Isana in all those months ago, and Isana batted it aside easily. She caught the slightest smile flicker across Aly’s focused expression. Yes! She thought, and refocused, heart beating with pride and excitement.

The attacks kept coming. Isana parried them cleanly, defending around the training ground, occasionally finding a small opening though never quite landing a riposte. Her pride at her own improvement began to waver in the face of a distant, and almost frustrated, Alyssa. Isana blocked one particularly strong thrust with a clever overhead guard move and sidestep, and smiled triumphantly at her dearest, who did not respond. Puzzled, Isana continued to defend, retreating around the room, watching those steel blue eyes that captured her so. They did not meet her own. Alyssa’s gaze was single-mindedly focused on Isana’s center and blade arm, attacking again and again, her blade bashing into Isana’s with abandon. There was a furrow of frustration on her pale brow.

Isana was working hard to turn aside the attacks now, her breath burning hot in her lungs, sword arm shaking with prolonged effort. Alyssa did not meet her gaze, even if she double-backstepped to get space between them, which was usually a signal between fighters to give a short reprieve. She gasped out her name between the clangs of parried attacks.

“Aly...?”

No response. Isana felt cold fear drop into her stomach. Her darling love had become a single-minded fighting specter of herself. Does she see me at all?

Swish-clang!

“Aly! I give! Let’s get some water!”

The desperate words were reedy and shrill in her own ears. Isana continued turning aside the attacks, afraid that if she stopped, one of the cavalry-strength swings would connect. Bash, bash, step-- clang, screech! Clang clang! The face of the woman she loved was pursuing her around the ring, teeth clenched in a ferocious grimace, hacking furiously as though she were fighting a demon. Tears burned in Isana’s eyes. What is happening…?

Three attacks came in blinding succession and trapped Isana’s guard arm high. The specter of Alyssa let out a triumphant shriek of victory and stabbed low, and caught Isana with a direct thrust in the lower ribs. Isana felt heavy, fiery pain scream through her core as her body was jerked unnaturally downward and back. The training sword fell forgotten from her shaking arm and her hands groped at the injury, even as Alyssa wrenched the blade free and stood tall above her. Isana looked up in shock, met those bright blue eyes with her own silent question, and saw the angry grimace melt into a tragic mask as she collapsed.

Isana crumpled to her knees, breath rasping in labored gasps, eyes full of the sight of thick crimson flowing onto the smooth wood floor. Blood..? Her pulse was a timpani that drowned out everything but a spinning, visceral sadness. Why didn’t she listen? What is happening…?

Far away she heard another blade clatter to the ground, then the specter was at her side, pulling at her clothing. Isana tensed away from her attacker, then cringed at the pain brought by more movement, feeling hot wetness streaming down her cheeks and beneath her shaking hands.

Darkness clouded her vision as she felt herself being moved, held, a distant voice that was somehow both beautiful and terrible at once. It was Alyssa. She was sad. What was she saying? No, don’t be sad. I love you. Don’t be sad...

She distantly wondered how her breath could somehow burn and gurgle wetly at the same time, and then all was darkness.

Kingsley

(5/20/2020)

Maron

Maron whistled an idle tune as he strolled through the Ducal Palace. The afternoon sun shone through the large elaborate windows that lined the hall. The day was brisk and bright and birds tweeted happily outside. Would that I could sing with you my lovely little friends, Maron mused to himself with a smile as he watched them.Perhaps you would care to join me tonight for my performance in the Stump District. Oh that would be a sight, the ladies would enjoy that quite a bit, a cute birdling landing upon the headstock of my lute as we sing a duet.

His thoughts were interrupted when he realized a clamoring had broken out in the hallway he now found himself in right as a balding middle-aged man wearing a white robe bumped into him, clanking right behind him were Ducal guardsmen in their mail as they rushed past him. Behind them was a small entourage of people of various sorts, none of whom he recognized. They all rushed down the hallway before he could get a close look at any of them.

"Well, certainly pardon me, I'm sure whatever lord's stubbed his toe cannot wait!" He called out after him adjusting his hat. Maron stroked his mustache as the robed man spared him a glance and Maron recognized him immediately as Chance of Eastcliff, the healer his charge Lady Alyssa had employed for several years; dug out alongside his wife from some backwater town in Bisciye. The man scowled at Maron (which was not entirely unusual, he received quite a few of those from those closest to Alyssa) as the surgeon turned to continue whatever hurry he and the others were in.

It was odd, certainly, that Chance was hustling off somewhere, as he was typically only in Alyssa's service. Suddenly he became concerned dashing down the hallway as well. He caught up to the entourage in one of the Palace's training room where Chance's group was gathered in a circle and he saw the alarming sight: blood, and a great deal of it, and right in the middle Lady Alyssa, her beautiful features flushed and wet with tears as she held her knightess Isana with whom his lady had struck up a courtship. Her wound seemed grievous, but Maron found himself mostly uninterested in her. Staring instead across the room directly at Alyssa, as he saw something shocking about her, namely the expression she wore for, to Maron, what seemed to be the first time.

Fear.

How strange. You do love her, don't you.

Alyssa

The guest room felt cold, distant, separated from the world. She often felt that way in this tower, tucked away in the far reaches of the Palace. While the Imperator's Tower was typically a quiet place for her to gather her thoughts, Alysss's quarters in the capital were bustling and noisy, people coming in and out, people trying to talk to her, to comfort her, delivering her pointless letters which sat stacked up on the little table on the far side of the room. Alyssa herself sat in a simple chair pulled up to the bedside where her morning star lie asleep recovering. She held love's hand, watching her chest rise and fall with the breath of life. The surgery seemed successful, though Chance told her it would still be a few days of induced rest. If she stabilized, it would be another week or two of woken rest before her love would be fully returned to duty. Saved from me. She thought to herself. Saved from my blade, from my carlessness, from my... She did not even know how to finish that sentence. She did not know how this had happened, her body just reacted automatically to Isana's movements. Everything a practiced routine. Has death become this normal? Automatic?

Faces spun around in her mind, dozens of people. Every one she had put a sword through, and the ones she had led to deaths: Countless soldiers without a name, the boy soldier Karl lying dead on the fields of Bescanon, a crow feasting upon his eye, the King himself gazing at her disapprovingly. Her poor pup, a bloody gash in its neck where the sword had hacked. "You did this." Her father's words rang out in her mind. You did this. She told herself gazing on the beautiful features of the woman lying at her side. You did this. Tears rolled down her face as gently caressed her partner's hand with her thumb. She glanced across the room at her white cloak hung on a wall hook. The pale of death, Maron is right that color does suit me.

She looked back at her love and squeezed her hand. "I did this." she reminded herself through the tears.

Calvan

Cal Reed fished around in his morning porridge. The other guardsmen saluted to their portly captain as they came and went, either coming off or getting ready for duty shifts; together they sat in the Tower of the Imperator's modest dining hall. The air was silent and uneasy as all were aware of the previous days events. It was a whirlwind of a day, people coming in and out, messages flying back and forth, people he had never seen. That fancy Nascot Lord had even dropped off a letter. Still, Cal had never seen his Lady distraught. It was a horrifying sight. He had known the young Lady almost from the beginning and always she wore the same unyielding expression. While some found it cold and distant, he found it comforting. No matter how bad things seemed, nothing ever frightened her, or if it did she never showed it. It was a reminder that she would never give up, not on them or the realm or what she believed in.

No one had seen her leave that room for over a day, since it happened. Apparently the healers had asked her to leave while they performed the surgery on Alyssa's knight, but she refused. There were a lot of rumors, mostly about assassins or other nonsense Cal didn't believe a word of. Still he had seen her kill, he had seen her bleed, he had seen her lose and fail and nearly die. It was never like this. The only difference now, he considered, was Isana Everlight. He knew they were close, lovers there had been a lot of talk recently, though Alyssa never spoke of her personal life to him, so all he had left was to suppose. Stupid girl, he thought, remembering his own wife's final scornful glare as she threw him out. A soldier's got no place in his heart for love. He thought she knew that. Instead, for the first time, Captain Cal Reed had seen Lady Alyssa break. And it terrified him.

Helen

The healer's bag was a mess. She had told her husband for nearly twenty years to keep his supplies organized but Chance never did, insisting he had his own method. She swore to herself as she continued digging for the fresh bandages.

Lady Alyssa had apparently heard her as her eyes snapped towards Helen from the empty space she had previously been staring into, the lady-knight's hand still in hers. Cold blue eyes stared at her intently from the other side of the bed. Deep bags had formed under her eyes which were bloodshot and swollen from tears, and her hair was a mess, haphazardly tied up in a loose bun. She looked like she hadn't eaten in some time either. When was the last time you slept, child? Helen wondered as she stared back defiantly matching the haggard young woman's gaze.

"You swore." Lady Alyssa noted sternly, and without blinking. "Is something wrong." It was delivered flatly, not like a question, but concern oozed from it nonetheless. Helen sighed. "No. Chance's bags are a mess as usual."

"Oh." Was all she said as her eyes turned away, turning her attention back to whatever hole her thoughts had taken her. Silence came over the bare guest room as Helen found the bandages and began to undo the old ones. She inspected the wound, which had already begun healing nicely and showed no signs of infections and began carefully wrapping the fresh bandages around Dame Isana's body.

"I told him that in Oligarch."

Helen looked up at Alyssa who still sat watching her work as the young Lady broke the silence. "When we traveled to Oligarch, I had seen inside his bag, it was very untidy. It must have been several years ago. I told him he needed to get organized or find a new lady to serve."

Helen smiled at that. It's a good thing he didn't. She supposed. She looked over at Lady Alyssa's hand still clutching her partner's, come to think, in the past two days she hadn't been to check on the knight without seeing their hands together. Oh you poor sweet girl. There was no way she didn't blame herself. Maybe it was her fault, though accidents did happen, clearly she did not wish for this. Helen sighed and got up to leave, stopping as she opened the door. "I recommend you get some rest my lady. And..." She paused as she felt a deep sadness for this young lady and her dear knight. "Never stop loving her, Lady Alyssa."

"I won't." Lady Alyssa replied, still watching over her partner with concern.

Alyssa

Alyssa let her hair down, the ribbon was already loose from being pressed against the wall she leaned against when she slept in the simple oak chair by Isana's bedside. Or tried too. In truth she could count the number of hours she had slept the past three days on one hand. The nightmares were fairly common, she had always had those, ever since she was a little girl. But they were worse the past few days. The look of terror and heartbreak on Isana's face haunted her. What will I say to her? The question she could not answer. She asked herself again and again to no avail. Then it was followed up with How can I look into her eyes again. After what she had done, she expected she wouldn't get to. The next question was Why should she let me? Alyssa had hurt every person she ever cared for. Her mother gone, her soldiers, the King, Dustiria had put herself on the line for her on countless occasions, and now she had nearly killed the woman she loved with her own hand. Then finally they ended with her running her hands through her hair and breathing deeply. Hope hope hope hope. That's what Isana gave to me, and what she needs. Nothing will ever defeat her spirit, I cannot let it defeat mine.

Still it wasn't long after that until the questions came again, and the cycle repeated.

Hope hope hope. She told herself, trying desperately to envision Isana Everlight's smile as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall, clutching her partner's hand, desperately desiring any of the strength she normally found from her touch.

Garrath

The cells of the Ducal Palace were dark and dingy, though to be fair he did not expect much else from a cell. He clutched his legs to his chest and shivered, wishing he had more than just rags as a sea breeze blew through the barred window above. I checked every damn one of those swords. I was careful! It wasn't me who didn't dull it down right! He thought for what was likely the ten-thousandth time since he had been approached by the Ducal guard. He was to be tried for negligence in the morning and had heard terrible things about Lord Lucius's dungeons and he shuddered at what sort of trial he might receive. Most of the terrible things he had heard however came from the cell next to his where horrific screams of another prisoner echoed through the walls. Based on the conversations, the panicked confessions, and the screams themselves, he gathered that his neighbor was a Sirion spy. While most of the nobles seemed to love Lord Lucius, he had a much more sinister reputation among the peasantry. As an employee of the Duke, Garrath suspected most of it was all talk. They had said the same thing about Lord Banetal, and his predecessor before him. No man enjoys the law coming after him, and most of them folks were probably punished justly.

Though a few days in a cell can change the way one thinks. Now Garrath began to wonder how just a dungeon and the king's justice truly were. I suppose I'll find out.

Garrath was right about that a lot sooner than he expected as the door to his cell opened and armed guards entered. "Your trial's been moved up. Get up prisoner." One of them said to him disdainfully.

In the hallway beyond he made out another figure in the distance, wearing a large feathered hat.

Alyssa

"Three days." "If she stabilized." "Never stop loving her." "You did this." "The pale of death."

The words floated around her mind like shadows dancing around a fading flame. A tray of food sat uneaten on the table next to an ever-growing pile of letters. They never stopped bringing them, though she realized she hadn't even noticed them coming in. Did she fall asleep or? It didn't matter. All that matter was the person laying next to her. All Alyssa wanted to do was hold her, and tell her she loved her and that she was sorry and that she would never hurt her again. Though in truth even after three days she still didn't know what she could say to her. She shrunk in the chair again, still clutching Isana's hand, their fingers intertwined.

She glanced back and nearly jumped, her eyes finding the warm comforting ocean of blue-green she had missed so dearly. Her breath stopped as her partner slowly looked up at her.

" 'Sana..." She whispered as her heart began racing in her chest.

Everlight

(5/21/2020)

Isana’s world was a mire of darkness. She wandered through dreams and nightmares, strange and vividly delirious.

She was back in the swamp by the river at home with her younger brother. He had knocked her down in the muck and sat on her, and she could hardly breathe, but he refused to move. Elios, get off, you stupid lump! He pinched her hard in the ribs and she yelled in pain, the murky swamp water got in her lungs and she choked, and all was blackness again.

Now they were at the Gala. Isana smiled knowing what a good time this Gala would be! She felt comfortable, accompanying her lady, her darling Alyssa, and wanted to lead her to dance again. It was dark though, the lanterns were gone. Everyone was gone. Alyssa was sitting curled against the railing, sobbing. Isana’s heart broke to hear her so sad. She was talking to herself. I did this. I’m sorry, it’s my fault, dearest, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to. I did this… Isana was puzzled. Had she ruined the party somehow? She reached out to grasp Aly’s hand supportively and held it in the darkness on the cold ship, shivering. She tried to speak, to help somehow, but Alyssa did not hear her words. She kept crying, in the dark, as though she were alone. Why can’t she hear me? The cold ship faded around them, alone together in the dark.

The next moment she knew, Isana was lost in an endless maze of wooden hallway with no doors. She had been walking for so long. It was dark, too hot, and she felt there was something in there hunting her and she didn’t know what it was. She couldn’t see it, but she heard it behind her, following her, smashing a sword against the walls just out of reach. It had murderous intent, she knew somehow, and felt thrills of cold fear in the overheated endless maze. Why was it after her? With a start her mind said it was Alyssa.

No, it’s not her at all. It’s wrong! Isn’t it? She would never hurt me.

A flash of her dear Aly’s face twisted in a vicious snarl glanced across her memory. Powerful love mixed with chilling fear and impossible sadness, and she became nauseous with confusion. It was real. She had seen that face.

Isana shook her head in denial. No. Something was wrong. She whirled to face the specter, trying to grab the weapon, but her hand wouldn’t move. It was warm, clammy, something was holding it. There were fingers entwined in her own.

I’m dreaming! It’s a dream! But she was heavy. The dream was reality. There was no escape.

The invisible fury came for her, gnashing its teeth, she could feel its hot breath on her face. It’s a dream, it’s a dream… Isana glared back, tensing bravely, and stared down the fear and anger in the stifling heat of the endless hallway. It sprang toward her with a snarl and she stood her ground, closing her eyes against the attack, feeling her ribs tight and painful as she held her breath.

Nothing happened.

It was quiet.

Am I dead?

She opened her eyes and saw a candle on a table, a figure hunched on a chair close by, and a slim arm extending out and grasping her hand in its own. The room was a surreal contrast: plain lines, calm, quiet. All grey with a glow that suggested dawn was breaking somewhere outside. Isana stared for several moments as her mind caught up to what it saw. She’d had a nightmare. She was… in a tower? Under too many blankets, and her hand was being held.

Alyssa.

It was Alyssa’s hand holding hers. How..?

The training match rushed back all at once. A heavy dread dropped into the pit of her stomach, the confusion of her dream swirled with the newly remembered fear and both sensations twisted into the injury that she now felt, as it pulsed with a dull ache under the heavy blankets.

She stared at the hunched figure of Alyssa in the candlelight. The woman she loved more than anyone. The woman that perhaps she didn’t know as well as she had thought. Do I know you, my dearest?

Isana had never seen Aly as she was in the training match, nor like she was now. Blonde hair was a rat’s nest on top of her head. Most of her face was hidden in the crook of her arm where it was pillowed, and what Isana could see spoke of utter exhaustion. There were deep circles under her darling’s eyes. Her mouth moved slightly, as though she were talking in a dream. A rough wool blanket had been draped over her.

How long have I been out? Isana looked around for some clue. The candle was low. A teetering pile of letters lurked behind a tray of breads and cheese and wilted vegetables on the table beside Alyssa. Her stomach growled in response and she winced, feeling pain very close to her stomach that said she was going to be taking it easy for a while.

“ ‘Sana…”

That voice. She looked up to see Alyssa gazing glassy-eyed at her in the pale grey dawn, mouth open, face pleading. Her bright blue eyes were shot heavily with the red of too many sleepless hours, and they held Isana’s gaze with hope beyond hope.

Isana felt her heart race with love and fear. She licked her lips, and took a shaky breath that caused her brows to knit in unexpected pain, and squeezed her eyes shut briefly to dampen it. In that moment Alyssa’s expression went from hope to tragedy. When Isana’s eyes opened again they saw Aly sitting upright with shoulders slumped, shining wetness trailing down both cheeks. Her face was a mask of tortured sorrow, tilted slightly down as though ashamed, though her gaze still met Isana’s own.

The pain in her ribs banished Isana’s fear. Her heart felt in so many pieces already, Isana couldn’t think where to start. Anger tried to take hold. What haven’t you told me? The accusation sprang forward. She opened her mouth to voice it. Her mouth was so dry it was like it was full of iron-flavoured cotton, and no sound would come out.

Deep green-blue searched into rusty blue steel. Isana’s anger ebbed quickly.

“Oh, Aly.”

She spoke hoarsely, hardly more than a whisper. She held the hand in hers a little tighter.

“Talk to me, love.”

Kingsley

(5/21/2020)

Alyssa watched her breathlessly, feeling her partner's hand squeeze tighter around hers. Alyssa gulped as Isana's eyes met hers, and her brow furrowed. Confusion? Anger? She had every right to feel those things. That didn't make it hurt any less to see the woman she loved look at her so fiercely. A tear rolled down Alyssa's cheek, surprised she still had any left. Her morning star opened her mouth as if to say something, but nothing came out. Instead her face softened and she spoke softly, her voice still rough and clearly strained.

"Oh Aly. Talk to me, love."

But what can I say, my dearest? What could I possibly say... Three days was not enough, as her words caught in her throat.

"I..." she started unsure of what she would say. "I hurt you. When we fought I... just I don't know... it was like instinct. I didn't have focus... and I hurt you."

A heavy silence hung over them. Alyssa searched for the words but they swirled all around her in a mess. She reached for some of them, and hoped they were the right ones.

"I don't know what to say. I thought I killed you, Isana. You are the light in my life, and I thought I killed you." She wiped the tears from her eyes. "I should have checked the sword, I... should have held back or..." She tensed and took a deep breath. "I shouldn't have lost control like I did." Her eyes lowered sorrowfully. "I'm sorry..."

Everlight (5/21/2020)

Isana fought down the queasy lump in her throat to focus on Alyssa’s words. She saw blue eyes casting about the room as though answers were hiding there.

"I… I hurt you. When we fought I... just I don't know... it was like instinct. I didn't have focus... and I hurt you."

Isana caressed the hand in her own with one thumb, listening, trying to ignore the ache gnawing on her spine from within. Yes, dearest, tell me something I don’t know yet… Part of her mind wondered cynically if a more alert Alyssa would strategize her words for a favourable response. She blinked in surprise at the critical thought. There was an immediate rush of trust that crushed any suspicion in her heart, but it left her wondering in the silence. Alyssa was distraught, looking to Isana and around the room.

"I don't know what to say. I thought I killed you, Isana. You are the light in my life, and I thought I killed you." She wiped the tears from her eyes. "I should have checked the sword, I... should have held back or..." She tensed and took a deep breath. "I shouldn't have lost control like I did." Her eyes lowered sorrowfully. "I'm sorry..."

Isana shook her head slightly, once, and lifted their clasped hands to make Aly look up again. Her voice was low and hoarse.

“My darling, my sky. I know that something was not right.”

She paused to clear her throat lightly with a grimace, and pushed against pain.

“You say you lost focus, love…” she peered intently into Alyssa’s glassy blue eyes, “yet I have never seen anyone so intently focused on destruction as you were in that moment. I called a hold, Aly! Twice--” her voice choked and tears welled up in her eyes. “...you didn’t respond. It was like you weren’t there. A killing demon was wearing your face, and it wanted me dead…”

Alyssa’s eyes went wide and colour drained from her face, and another tear slid down the shining track on her cheek. Isana shook her head slowly side to side, her mouth contorted in a silent sob. It was too much. She outstretched her other arm to pull Alyssa closer, and the woman hesitated then leaned, trembling, into the embrace. Isana tucked Alyssa’s wild blonde bun under her chin and just held her, leaning awkwardly half onto the bed, shaking.

They held each other close for a long minute, just breathing. Isana felt some of her own tension melt, felt the quaking of Alyssa begin to subside against her shoulder. She swallowed and spoke softly, her breath ruffling the tangle of hair on Alyssa’s temple.

“I forgive you, dearest.”

Alyssa trembled once, and pressed her face into the nape of Isana’s neck. Isana felt the wet tears against her skin. She stroked Aly’s blanketed shoulder with her free hand and continued, voice low and intense.

“I have lived in the wild north of Beluaterra, Aly. I have seen hundreds of creatures from beyond the grave, and unearthly beasts possessed. You are not possessed, my love, but there is something unknown within you that is powerful, and it is not under your control. I need to know what it is. Do you know?”

Kingsley

(5/21/2020)

“I forgive you, dearest.”

Her partner's warmth came over her as Isana held her close to her shoulder, feeling her love's hand trace gently along her shoulders. Alyssa took a deep breath and nuzzled into her shoulder. Comfort. Her body relaxed as their breathing slowed. Isana continued, in a surprising tone. Her typical cheer entirely absent, replaced now with intent and concern.

“I have lived in the wild north of Beluaterra, Aly. I have seen hundreds of creatures from beyond the grave, and unearthly beasts possessed. You are not possessed, my love, but there is something unknown within you that is powerful, and it is not under your control. I need to know what it is. Do you know?”

She was right. It was a slow change, so slow that she didn't even realize it. The ghosts had always haunted her but it was not until now that she realized they had been leading her by the hand. Dozens of faces flashed in her mind, empty eyes of the soldiers who followed her into battle, or the bloodied faces of the people she killed. "Beyond the grave..." She whispered with a sigh. "That is what I feel like many days. That I died in Brive yet still walk, still swing my sword, still kill and command others to die. I am the sword of the realm, an object to kill and destroy." She hesitated a moment before continuing more confidently.

"It's all I think about most of the time. Where will the destruction happen next, how many people can I save, how many will have to die? Every day I wake up and wonder how many people I will have to order to die. I think about how I could have saved the ones I've lost, I think about the people whose lives I've ended, and then I sit down in a meeting room and decide where and how I will send some more."

She took a deep breath considering how to continue her confession, pressed close against her love's body, her eyes focused past her as she remembered. "The first time I killed a person was a two weeks after my 17th birthday. I lead 20 soldiers against the walls of Bescanon. He was an middle-aged man, likely just a conscript. I tried to disarm him, but he was relentless. I was a knight, and he likely expected if he captured or wounded me he would be rewarded. He charged at me and I blocked with my sword instead of my shield. He did not expect that. I just swung, hoping he'd get scared off. He was wearing an open helm." She paused with a grimace. "I vomited right there. I had killed a couple of monsters, but monsters don't make that face. Their eyes look past you, not into you. I felt sick. And I felt sicker after it was all over, and I found out almost everyone I had order to fight with me died alongside him."

"Now though, I don't even remember how many people I killed in the last battle I fought in. It was just a blur. Something that happened. In fact I don't remember much of it at all. I didn't forget it it was just... unremarkable. Normal. A sword flashes and you use yours to stop it. A threat comes. End the threat, and you can save the person next to you. It just happens. Why is that normal? It shouldn't be. But it is."

Alyssa noticed her shoulders had tensed up again as she tried to explain. "The thoughts of war and death fill my mind. Even when I'm not thinking about it, its always in the back of my head; who I've lost and how I can prevent it in the future, what decisions I must make, who must be sacrificed to save the innocent, the ghosts of the dead.They never stray far, no matter what it is I am doing, the ghosts will linger and watch." She pulled back and looked into Isana's eyes, putting a gentle hand on her cheek. "Until I looked up in the twilight and found you."

Alyssa watched her for a moment, focusing intently on the softness of her cheek and the deep color of her eyes, then she sat up on the edge of the bed, looking at Isana curiously, as she came to realization. "My love, you are stronger than I have ever been. It is you who bear the pain of a wound I inflicted and yet here you lay giving comfort to me. You give me boundless love, forgiveness, care, while I could not until this moment even share my sorrow with you. I should have told you this all sooner. I... didn't want to burden you with my ghosts, but you deserve to know. I want you to know... who I am..."

Everlight

(5/23/2020)

Isana listened intently, her hand gently circling Alyssa’s shoulder. The dark imagery was not unexpected; she'd mentioned it before, waved it off as minor. The surprising part was the extent the darkness ruled Aly’s inner world. She saw everything in consequences and deaths, took all the pain of it upon herself. Into herself.

Alyssa’s back and shoulders began to tense under her hand as the confessions continued, as though she had to steel herself to approach the memories. Isana frowned and continued with her calming caress, working at the knots between Aly’s shoulder blades and along the side of her neck as she spoke.

"Now though, I don't even remember how many people I killed in the last battle I fought in. It was just a blur. Something that happened. In fact I don't remember much of it at all. I didn't forget it it was just... unremarkable. Normal. A sword flashes and you use yours to stop it. A threat comes. End the threat, and you can save the person next to you. It just happens. Why is that normal? It shouldn't be. But it is."

You’ve felt too much, and your heart and mind are trying to protect you from it, Isana realized sadly. Oh, my darling… Her chest felt tight, thinking of Alyssa’s typical businesslike composure, imagining all the torture parading behind her eyes while she held up that mask. Her head moved side to side in slow denial as she listened.

"...They never stray far, no matter what it is I am doing, the ghosts will linger and watch." She pulled back and looked into Isana's eyes, putting a gentle hand on her cheek. "Until I looked up in the twilight and found you."

Aly sat up, and Isana shivered as a breath of air goosebumped her tear-dampened shoulder.

The eyes that met hers were still bloodshot and tired, surrounded by wild disarray. They were also intent, vulnerable, and shining with love. How is she more beautiful now? Isana thought. The more she knew, the more she needed to. Her darling Alyssa Kingsley, a grown woman who travelled with a puppy, had a weakness for red wine, proud ambition that led her to take on basically everything without setting boundaries for her own sake, a serious streak a mile wide, a soft spot for sweet childhood memories, impressive fighting skills, and far too many years of strife already running rampant in her young mind. And the ability to potentially kill her without being aware of it. She took in Alyssa’s body language with more care, watching for anything strange.

"My love, you are stronger than I have ever been. It is you who bear the pain of a wound I inflicted and yet here you lay giving comfort to me. You give me boundless love, forgiveness, care, while I could not until this moment even share my sorrow with you. I should have told you this all sooner. I... didn't want to burden you with my ghosts, but you deserve to know. I want you to know... who I am..."

Isana’s lips quirked up with humour. “It’s easy to be strong when I don’t have an entire realm’s army to worry about,” she quipped. The smile faded. She looked far away and blinked, slowly, then back to her partner who watched her curiously. Then her blue-green eyes fell to linger on their interlocked fingers.

“I’m not that strong, Aly, not like you mean. I just, am. I take one step at a time. Take the step that goes in an exciting direction. Or take the logical one. Follow the light. I’m not some bastion of strength, I just keep moving forward. Giving you love, Aly, and care, and forgiveness... You’re not some kind of burden, darling. You might as well be a giant eagle carrying me, for how light and alive I feel around you.”

Isana looked up again and squinted. Early dawn's bright fingers streamed in through a window behind Alyssa, outlining the blonde woman in a vivid halo. Ha, that’s poetic. She smiled despite the serious situation. She found Alyssa’s blue eyes in the glow’s shadow and continued, reaching to hold Alyssa’s hand in both of her own.

“Whatever it is that you are, and that I am, we fit. Sky and star. I never want to be without you, my love. So I--" she paused, "we, need to figure this out. The ghost that you say was with you in the training room, wasn’t just with you. It took over. And there was no trigger, none that I saw… just gradually, I lost you. How? It was the most terrified I’ve been in my life… not because of the fight. Because you were gone.”

Kingsley

(5/23/2020)

The ghost that you say was with you in the training room, wasn’t just with you. It took over. And there was no trigger, none that I saw… just gradually, I lost you. How? It was the most terrified I’ve been in my life… not because of the fight. Because you were gone.”

Alyssa shrunk slightly. It happened because I let it happen. "It happened because I let it happen." she admitted. "I let battle and instinct conquer me, and in turn it hurt you." Alyssa shook her head. "I will not let that happen again. I realize now what the past and this war has done to me, what I have allowed it to do to me. I failed to understand and control it, and it consumed me, and nearly consumed you too." The cold blue of her eyes began to melt as determined flames rose up in them, her voice confident and steadfast.

"It will not happen again. I will be better for you, for myself, and for Perdan. I will hold these ghosts back. I am armed now with knowledge, and with your love."

She took a deep breath and her voice relaxed, giving Isana's hand a gentle squeeze. "We will hold them off together, my love. No matter how hard it is, for you and with you, we will keep the darkness at bay."

Alyssa shifted on the edge of the bed carefully, so as not to disturb Isana or irritate her wound. Sitting near the edge, leaning against the headboard, she scooted close, putting her arm around the shoulders of the woman she loved. "I think I should speak to Lady Raine as well. She is wise and serves the goddess of war. Perhaps she can offer insight into this. As well... maybe we should hold off on training... for now at least. I will do everything I can to make sure you do not lose me." Alyssa traced a little circle over Isana's strong broad shoulder, admiring her strong archer arms and the softness of her skin. As beautiful and strong as you are sweet, you are my bastion, my love. My safe space, my bringer of hope.

"And that I will never hurt you again."

She looked out the window across the room as the sun began to rise, the dark twilight of night fading as the morning sun dawned across the city. Alyssa felt the warmth of the morning both from the beautiful light rising outside, and the beautiful light that shone next to her. She leaned her head back against the bed's headboard and closed her eyes, sighing as she relaxed bathed in sunlight and love.