Itorunt Informer/May '06

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The Itorunt Informer
Price: Free! Written by the Alex Exiled and Aurum Bishamon (some editing and input by Ichigo Kurosaki. Yes, the Swordman out of the pits of Hell.). Bringing you the best of the press from Itorunt! May Edition

A Plea for Peace

I truly hope that Sirion's hopes of peace through the destruction of Oligarch will succeed. However I know they won't. Oligarch won't be forgotten. The Great War will continue.

I urge everyone to be more like Light of Fountain. Look at their gold. They are neutral in the Great War and their economy surges. Then look at those realms in war? Unless they are a superpower, they do not have a grand economy. I urge everyone, end the Great War. If your leaders don't, do it yourself. Lycastus seceded and created a realm full of gold. Do the same. Dukes abroad, secede, exit the Great War by declaring a federation with all other realms, and build great economies.

Then we can have the culture that we, the continentals, deserve. Set aside your differences. Did the tournament teach you nothing? We all have the basic desires and needs as everyone else. If you look at each realm, they all say they desire peace. As outlined in Hypocrisy of the Continentals, most are hypocritical. If they desired peace, they would have started a ceasefire and signed a treaty to end the Great War. I urge you again, if your government continues in war and doesn't pursue peace, create your own realm. Let each city and its surrounding territories govern themselves. Dukes, in the name of peace, secede and federate! Secede and Federate! Let us rally behind that banner. Secede and Federate! - Aurum

Blackknight's speech: A lesson in foolishness

Roleplay from Blackknight
Message sent to everyone in this region

Greetings,

It was a well fought battle, for sure. Unfortunately for the Iblarunts though, it takes more then courage and determination to win a battle. There must always be a method for the madness, perhaps one day you will learn.

As for the countless dead, we should all mourn their loss and perhaps consider if this conflict is really worth the lives of those fighting in it. Ibladesh and Perdan were once the closest of friends, and we have offered our hand many times before. If you wish end the bloodshed, the choice is yours not ours.

Blackknight
High Marshal of Perdan

Blackknight... Are you being stupid on purpose? I mean really.

Letter from Alex
Message sent to everyone in this region
Ahem. Did you not see who declared war on who, Blackknight?

And do you not see whose regions are being taken over and isolated?

If you wished to end the bloodshed you would not have fought this long. You would not have disregarded the no looting treaty we had. And you would not have declared war. A long time ago, when Ibladesh offered full unconditional surrender, promising to stay out of Caligus and Ubent and not allowing Itorunt to attack Perdan, all Perdan had to do was accept. Now look. Oligarch is dead. Caligus has just had its capitol nearly taken... You signed your own death warrant that day.

As the old saying goes, you may have won the battle, but the war's not over.

Alex (Knight of Ejarr Puutl)

But not only that! From beyond the grave, we received word that we should "Tell him that Weylyn says he can shove his speech somewhere unpleasant." --Alex

Perdies declare war, in their utter idiocy!

Apparently Perdan's ability to judge it's enemies correctly is deteriorating! In a move of pure arrogance, Lorraine, queen of Perdan, declared war on Itorunt. Apparently the reasoning given was that Perdan was only going to take Zawr, which had originally been a part of Ibladesh.

Of course, the fact that then Az Zarqua would have been quickly lost is a point that we in Itorunt should overlook. And also the fact that it is Itorunt peasants who are now being brutalised. And after all of that, we should willingly step back and let our confederates former region (even though they have no claim to it any more) be taken.

Naturally, Itorunt will not let such an indignity go unanswered. Our TL's back from the tournament are mustering, our army is rallying, our troops strong. The Perdanese will be driven from our lands, and from Ibladesh's, and then, guess what? Perdan just left a whole front open to us. I hear Clermont is a nice region to have... --Alex

Results of the tournament in LoF

What a great competition! 108 nobles in total turned up to fight and drink. Congratulations to the winners, Ambrosius and Lancelot, in sword and joust respectively. But glory to Itorunt nobles! In second place came Manfred, Banker of Itorunt, and Sean, count of Priotness, in sword and joust respectively! Congratulations to this.

I would also like to offer my respect to Loki of Perdan, for defeating me in the fourth round of jousting 2 to 1. Hopefully next time I will do better! --Alex

News from the tournament!

I have been attending the tournament in Light of Fountain, and can say that it is great fun just to sit around, and drink, and talk, and drink... and did I mention drink? Not that you'd catch me with any of that filth the Perdies call ale, from SADA, oh no! I take pride in only drinking the finest ARSE beverages which I have brought with me from the refinery near Xavax to advertise to the rest of the world.

But, in news and gossip, word is that the supposedly dead Ragnell has resurfaced, in LoF! Can you believe it? Fuinur, her (ex-?)husband, couldn't, but after a moving debate, he has accepted that she is indeed alive! Word is that Ragnell is to return to Old Rancagua and to her husband and son. Brom the Storyteller is being his annoying self as per usual, and many others were not impressed by Fuinur and Ragnell's show to the whole tournament.

Roleplay from Doc's Biatch
Message sent to all nobles at the tournament (72 recipients)
How Romantic. Ragnell is a very lucky woman, to have a man on his knees begging for her return...in front of a crowd this size.


DBP

Lady Doc's Biatch (Knight of Ibladesh)


Letter from Sparky
Message sent to all nobles at the tournament (72 recipients)
What did you say... I was admiring myself in the mirror..

Sparky
Paladin Primus of Light of Fountain


Roleplay from Alex
Message sent to all nobles at the tournament (72 recipients)
Sparky, stop trying to break glass and come have a drink.

Alex (Knight of Ejarr Puutl)

--Alex

Caligus, and Perdan lose again... Is this getting repetitive?

Caligus, Perdan vs. Yssaria
Estimated combat strengths: 9000 CS vs. 11000 CS
son of patrick (Imperial Knight) (Caligus) was captured by Yssaria forces.
Relonor of Yssaria (Yssaria) was seriously wounded.

Defender Victory!

Once again, Perdan squanders forces in a doomed offensive. And Caligus still cannot re-take Supra. I still remember when they were trying to claim they has it while Yssaria had it taken over (obviously this was before the whole Region Claim idea). We'll attempt to get interviews with members of the Yssarian hierarchy in the near future. --Alex

Note of change

From now on we will be signing our articles so that you may know who to credit, whether for good or bad. - Aurum

Tis not for me

Yet again it has been proven that war is not for me. That unit of 7 men, that was mine. Only one lived, and he is wounded. I did not like the idea of leading the charge. Especially in my first battle in months. Also the first battle since I've become a trader and joined Itorunt. Still can't get the stain of blood, nor the stench, out of my clothes. So ends my attempt at a military life. - Aurum

Huge battle, Perdan versus Itorunt... guess who wins?

Thats right! The great troops of Itorunt defended the region of Zawr today, in a huge battle that was heard about throughout the island. The heralds sang of 13K CS of Perdan assaulting the 10K assembled defenders of Itorunt in Zawr. A TL of Perdan was seriously wounded. But so what? Anyone knows that! Our job at the Itorunt Informer is to ridicule the Perdanese with our superior knowledge!

The credit for this incredible victory must go to Robert, Count of Zamor and marshal of the army of Semall. In a moment of incredible genius, he commanded the troops of Itorunt to attempt to delay and wound the troops of Perdan. As the forces lined up, many Itorunt troops had to be sacrificed, but their loss was easily overshadowed by the loss of Perdan. For example, in the first round of combat, Itorunt lost a unit of 7 infantry deployed on the front lines. But this bought time for our archers to inflict heavy casualties upon the attacking forces. The second round of combat: Total casualties: 183 attackers, 98 defenders. What kind of general throws away a quarter of his army on such an assault? Obviously Blacknight, General of Perdan, present at the battle with 18 cavalry of 323 CS.

An anonymous TL of Perdan confessed "Yeah, you destroyed our army." An admission of defeat from Perdan? What next?

Thray, the TL who recently dueled Ichigo, made a few comments: " Hah! That was quite a beating for the Perdies. More than 1000CS difference and we still beat them. If they want to fight a bunch of pushovers they'd better head a little further north." Kalin, teacher of the art of "stabbing with the pointy end", said "Indeed Thray, they learned better than to fight those that know how to stab with the pointy end of the lance and sword. Mayhaps up north they have yet to learn that tactic."

In other news, it has been agreed upon, by many, that Gopherman's unit name sucks, and that as duke of Itorunt, he should have a duty to make one up that's much better. But since he is currently wounded after Zawr, we at the Itorunt Informer hope he heals soon. - Alex

Tournament announced on the East Continent!

Yes, it's true. Some idiot thought it would be a good idea to hold a tournament. Now, I don't know much about the history regarding when tournaments are held on EC, but I know full well that NO-ONE has ever held one within the last 6 months. When it was suggested it was passed off as a stupid idea. And that was for christmas. So what is Lycastus thinking? Who knows?

The fact is, a tournament of Jousting and Swordfighting has been announced, in Light of Fountain (LoF), the continents newest realm. With a hefty prize for the victor (400 gold), it should bring in a lot of nobles from many different realms, and of course, with them, their age old hatreds. But in LoF, an as yet neutral realm, what could be a better location? Watch this space for details! - Alex

Ibladesh's loss of a great hero

Huge Battle Fought (5 hours, 13 minutes ago)
Rumours spread and tales are sung about a huge battle in Beziers:
Ibladesh vs. Perdan
The hero Valgar of Ibladesh (Ibladesh) was killed.

Valgar, who has been mentioned in previous issues, died bravely in battle against the forces of Perdan today. A great person, I had the fortune to fight alongside him many times, and had a great amount of respect for him. In the memory of those who knew him he must live on, and his death shall be avenged at the expense of Perdan. The loss of such a great aid to taking the piss out of Perdan and Ubent is a great shame. - Alex

Caligus and Perdan lose, and the general of Caligus is killed!

Huge Battle Fought (3 hours, 8 minutes ago)
Rumours spread and tales are sung about a huge battle in Aestus:
Yssaria vs. Caligus, Perdan
Estimated combat strengths: 8000 CS vs. 9000 CS
The hero Eagles Reach, the High Marshal of Caligus (Caligus) was killed.
Grendel of Caligus (Caligus) was seriously wounded.

Attacker Victory!

We heard about this battle today in Itorunt, and the fall of Caligus' general marks the beginning of the fall of Caligus itself! Perdan reinforcements are being stretched thin, and the front in Ibladesh is expanding. Oligarch is also supposedly recieving reinforcements from Perdan... that is to say, Perdan is simultaneously trying to fight bravely against the forces of Sirion and Fontan, and failing. Today they had their own huge battle, and lost it by attacking a region up north somewhere which was rapidly counterattacked by a force of Fontanese and Sirionite soldiers 2K CS stronger.

So that means that at last count, the HRA is getting their butts kicked, while Ibladesh is recovering, Itorunt is invading Perdan, Yssaria is absolutely destroying Caligan forces, and Fontan and Sirion are attacking Oligarch and Perdan up in the north. Plus, Caligus is reportedly entering into negotiations to sell Akesh Temple to Light of Fountain... while Yssaria is taking every other region around Domus! Such a stupid move is barely comprehensible... apparently it is being done to ensure that Caligus doesn't have a war on two fronts. We have this recommendation to Light of Fountain: forget that! Invade Caligus yourself! Take Akesh Temple and other regions, while Yssaria helps out! - Alex

Duel between Ichigo Kurosaki and Thray Walsh

Today a duel to surrender between two Itorunt nobles, Thray and Ichigo, took place in Itorunt City. An epic duel, and a matter of honour; it is believed that Thray made a remark about Ichigo's family. The battle raged for quite some time, which is a remarkable feat, given that Thray had confessed to only recently figuring out that it was the pointy end of the sword that went towards the opponent. While both sides suffered superficial wounds, both were acting aggressively, and eventually Thray was cut down by a deep blow.

Now, such a strong success from a young TL such as Ichigo is unusual, and there is much speculation as to what kind of creature Ichigo truly is. The most popular view, however, was made by this editor, and Ichigo has since admitted to the accusation: And here I thought that Thray had mastered the art of not stabbing himself? Or is Ichigo actually a fell swordsman out of the pits of hell? I quiver in fear at the very thought...

Alex (Knight of Ejarr Puutl)

That I am.

Ichigo (Knight of Zamor)

In a statement from Thray's personal trainer, the one who taught him which end of the sword was which, Kalin, gave a statement:

"Indeed Alex, I was the one that showed him that art of stabbing with the pointy end of a sword. However, like myself, we know very little of how to defend against someone also trying to stab you back, also using the pointy end."

We at the Itorunt Informer hope for Thray's speedy recovery, and wish him better luck in future duels. - Alex

Ichigo confirms that a lewd remark was made about his family, and also prays for the speedy recovery of Thray. He assures that there will be no hard feelings between the two as long as his family's name is not maligned. - Ichigo

Our scribes are slacking off!

It is true! The scribes of the world are considering going against the High Tech Game and resorting to sending messages slowly and labouriously! Vote against this today, at the Instantaneous Message Petition! Keep oppressing the scribes! - Alex

Lies from the OCPAU

This shall be short and to the point. The Oligarchian Observer and the Caligan Courier have both spread lies about our statistics. They claim they beat us. They claim they took into consideration our two special issues. That is a lie. If they had correctly added the numbers, they would see we got more than 1,100 views for April while they only got 1,000 each. - Aurum