Dubhaine Family/Aoifa/Roleplays/2019/September

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12th September -- Dark Citadel

Kolben Norman

Kolben was just the greatest because he not only got out of the random pile of sticks they called a "dungeon", he also managed to one versus one the Rea person, even though Kolben literally just became an infiltrator just to mess with the people. Even though the Outer Tilog guards stabbed him seventy-three times with the toothpicks they referred to as "spears", and even told him he was seriously wounded, Kolben merely found himself "lightly wounded" when checking his status. Maybe he was like that superfluous legendary hero of the stories whose bones were made of a mystical metal harder than even the hardiest wootz forged steel, and who could shed any injuries with ease. That hero was named after a sharp clawed animal or something because the hero was said to wield extremely sharp claws that came out of his hands. His name was like Badger, or something. Anyway Kolben was clearly this universe's Badger because he just shrugged off all the injuries that occurred in the past week.

Obviously that would have happened because Kolben was the best written character of this entire franchise. He was the founder of a multi-realm multi-continental guild that was valued in the quadrillions of gold, as well as the heir to a secret society of ancient wizards from the age of spellcasters. He also was the captain of the jousting squad and just won the local jousting tournament and got a special present from the tournament host's very beautiful concubine. Kolben also had a chiseled face and gorgeous body that made all the monstergirls swoon for him such that he always was the best at "defeating" monster hordes. His greatness also extended beyond death too, as the countless hordes of undead would momentarily regain a soul upon seeing his glorious existence and melt away in that utterly amazing light that was even holier than the Holy Light spell. And don't get me started on those daimons. Succubi were notorious for succumbing to Kolben's charms while incubi wanted Kolben to be their incumbent. Even the Netherworld elected Kolben three times in a row to be their Chief Executive Honorary Daimon for life.

Now, Kolben was not perfect, no. He was unfortunately very modest despite all his achievements and abilities. Some people thought that his modesty was just too much and it only dampened the wondrous achievements that was his existence. But Kolben was too modest to correct them on their mistake, for he already calculated the motions of the stars several millennia into the future, and he was also the greatest and most accomplished being in existence. He briefly considered changing his name to Jerry Clue but thought some more, and his brilliant mind concluded that, no, that would be too arrogant.

Then he laughed haughtily as he caught another shiny rare monster girl in a large sphere.

15th September -- South Bakker

Kolben Norman

Kolben was just the greatest because he managed to buy a region from Wetham while still part of Lukon, but got banned in prison while still moving around the world, so clearly he had the skill to be in two places at once as the same person. And then he managed to get caught in Outer Tilog but they couldn't stop him because he left and shrugged off a "serious wound" that just turned out to be a "light wound". He then proclaimed himself Supreme Empire Builder of Lendan Stones and Beyond for none could stop his almighty might.

Obviously that would have happened because Kolben was the best written character of this entire franchise. He was the founder of a multi-realm multi-continental guild that was valued in the quadrillions of gold, as well as the heir to a secret society of ancient wizards from the age of spellcasters. He also was the captain of the jousting squad and just won the local swordfighting tournament and got a special present from the tournament host's very beautiful second concubine. Kolben also had a chiseled face and gorgeous body that made all the monstergirls swoon for him such that he always was the best at "defeating" monster hordes. His greatness also extended beyond death too, as the countless hordes of undead would momentarily regain a soul upon seeing his glorious existence and melt away in that utterly amazing light that was even holier than the Holy Light spell. And don't get me started on those daimons. Succubi were notorious for succumbing to Kolben's charms while incubi wanted Kolben to be their incumbent. Even the Netherworld elected Kolben three times in a row to be their Chief Executive Honorary Daimon for life.

Now, Kolben was not perfect, no. He was unfortunately very modest despite all his achievements and abilities. Some people thought that his modesty was just too much and it only dampened the wondrous achievements that was his existence. But Kolben was too modest to correct them on their mistake, for he already calculated the motions of the stars several millennia into the future, and he was also the greatest and most accomplished being in existence. He briefly considered changing his name to Jerry Clue but thought some more, and his brilliant mind concluded that, no, that would be too arrogant.

Then he laughed haughtily as he won yet another ancient civilization's card game.

17th September -- Hanmkrag

Darius' Thread

Into the dungeons Darius descended for another session of torture, carrying only a thread...

...when he returned hours later, he carried only a lampshade.

Jitney's Rate

If you asked about the rate for the BBQ BNB, you never know what answer you might get, much like the experience (don't forget that time with the Flame). One of the reviews stated they merely paid a thumb, which they considered such a great deal they nearly gave the BBQ BNB two stars, but the shoddy service soon fixed that. One used to be able to pay in chickens, but ever since they got into the library, that hasn't been as acceptable currency. No one likes a well-read chicken.

Kolben Norman

Kolben stared long and hard at the card. Even his overwhelmingly perfect brain could not comprehend what was going on in the picture. He scratched his head and sniffed the card. Maybe he could win something. He was the greatest winner in the entire universe, obviously, of course, that was a given, yeah.

19th September -- Dark Citadel

Kolben Norman

Kolben was obviously the best at everything and that included throwing the card he magically received showing a cart and a guy and other stuff as a homing boomerang ninja star, or HBNS, that cut loose the hostages of the bandits that were stealing from the poor to give to the rich. In the process the HBNS sliced clean through the necks of all but two of the hostages. One of those two had her entire left face and thigh sliced off by the flyin projectile. The one surviving hostage was permanently blinded and rendered incontinent and constipated long term. None of the bandits were injured because Kolben was just that good.

The bandit queen or whatever was so impressed she gave Kolben a full three nights to do as he would with her, and offer which he gleefully took and proceeded to make her play an impromptu card game with him for three straight nights. After that the bandit queen swore never again to commit banditry lest Kolben in his utmost perfect form cause her need to play that card game once again.

And so Kolben, firm in his being so great yet somehow still exceedingly modest, mocked a passing peasant for being not as awesome. The peasant cried until Kolben started giving the peasant a lot of donuts to ease the pain. However those donuts were too pure for anyone other than Kolben to handle and the peasant promptly bloated and forcibly disintegrated into a mist of bone blood and flesh, among other fluids.

This was born the legend of Kolben the Konqueror. Also he snickered at the inability for the fail dude from OT to execute either him or that Blunt duke loser.

20th September -- Dark Citadel

Kolben Norman

While Kolben was trying to summon his super special card that he got in North Bakker, he reminisced about how modest he was despite the fact that he was the best at everything.

"There haven't been a lot of distressed dragons for me to save or greedy maidens for me to slay." Kolben said with a disappointed sigh.