Too Much BattleMaster

You know you play too much BattleMaster when...

• You are interrupted by the thought of your afternoon turn change whilst having a snog.
• You are saving up for a new computer (to better play Battlemaster) and you hire archers to guard your home instead of infantry so that you don't have to replace them after every battle.
• You ask your brother to come over to your house and instead he goes to his girlfriends and you accuse him for treason and file a report to the judge.
• You tell yourself, you can live without Battlemaster....then come back 2 weeks later, sweating, and wondering if your allies are OK.
• You wake up at 3 in the morning sweating, without an alarm, to neurotically scout the enemy.
• The only reason you get away from your computer is to go outside and take the picture that Tom asked for the anniversary collage.
• Your girlfriend has given up on trying to stop you wasting your time on such a pointless game and actually reminds you when you're about to miss a turn.
• You have not been able to log into the game all day, but you still make no plans...and sit by the computer all night hitting the refresh button.
• Battlemaster sets your curfew; you just have to be home before the turn is over.
• You go to some sort of social event, but instead of talking to people, you spend the entire time thinking about: (for the Generals among us) line settings, (for the Rulers among us) diplomatic negotiations, (for the Region Lords among us) which court to hold next.
• You have a ton of work to do, but deadline or no deadline, you're going to read all your Battlemaster messages first.
• When at work your boss says Morale is low, you suggest visiting a swanky bar for 8 hours.
• You know what time it is in Germany at all times.
• You plan vacations and other trips around being able to hit each turn change.
• Not even TOM could convince you that BM is a 'light-weight game'
• People have heard you mumble 'thank the Tom' as you scroll through you're BM messages.
• You can draw and label your realm and its regions ... or more.
  • ... and you can travel across the continent without using the travel advisor or looking at the map.
• You can say at least 20 regions' names out loud without fail and be able to use them all in Military Alphabet Code.
• "Remember the Titans" is no longer a reference to an American Football movie, but a warning to in-game evildoers.
• You are dumbfounded that your paycheck is not delivered at turn change, but are thankful you don't have to drive to your capital to cash it.
• You refer to your vehicle as a Caravan each time you take a trip to the groceries store.
• Your boss is getting tired of being called "M'Lord".
• You bring your own lance and sword to the Golf Tournament.
• Turkey leg in one hand, pint of family made mead in the other ... while your family attempts to understand just what a Barony of Makar is ... and why you keep saying "Arrh!".
• You miss your bus/ferry in the morning because you just had to get your fix before going to work ...
• You "roleplay" in game characters in real life. Your friends ask you to consult a psychologist. The psychologist says you are suffering from schizophrenia. They started to investigate the cause of your case. Soon they found similar cases occurred worldwide. One renowned psychologist is writing a PhD research paper, titled: The link between Schizophrenia and the browser game Battlemaster.
  • And then you realize that a Psychologist would make an excellent character class and put it on the Wish List
• The best Christmas present you are going to get is more turn changes during a day, wrapped with another continent to play in.
• You know what is going to happen in the Game but you are still sweating out of anxiety, waiting for the turn change.
• The word - and concept of - “God” has been replaced by “TOM”.
  • ...and "God's love" means TOM said "Love that idea!" when you proposed the YKYPTMBM list.
• You believe Santa Claus lives in Germany and runs a game called Battlemaster.
• You understand these jokes.
• While on the computer, every 5 minutes you check your family page just to see if anyone has replied to your question, you asked the realm.
• You are late to lessons/lectures just because you just need to see the turn change
• You buy a TV tuner card to watch the football or basketball game from you computer, so you don't miss any messages.
• You call long car trips "two turn moves."
• You dig trenches around your house "so your men feel safer."
• You call criminals "infiltrators."
• One of your characters have been wounded, you grab some bandages and yell, "I can save you!"
• You miss work and blame an undead invasion.
• For the next election, you hire a professional speechwriter for your campaign.
• When you go to your new job, you insist on calling your boss the Ruler.
• If you get pulled over, you apologize to the policeman and beg not to get banned.
• Halfway through the week, you demand the ability to "Check Payday".
• When a financial emergency comes up, you ask the bank to call an early tax day.
• When you're stuck in traffic, you are able to amuse yourself by scouting the neighboring cars.
  • ...and then you call up your boss and give him a scout report.
  • You blame infiltrators for your travel delays
• You wonder how much CS your country's military has
• You think the way to raise workplace cohesion is to periodically yell, "Hit it, you weaklings!"
• Your friends need to talk to you, but instead of calling, they send you an OOC message.
• Your roommate needs to talk to you, but instead of talking, sends you a Role-Play.
• When your sports-team loses, you criticise their line settings.
• You have no friends left who didn't try BM.
• When you wake up 2 hours before you're due to be at school for an exam... but realise you haven't sent any orders yet so you spend the majority of you're "last minute" revision time conjuring plans, scouting and sending orders.
• When your entire family gives you extra leeway on the 2-hours per person on the family computer because they understand that 'the game' cannot wait! That newly arrived Troop Leader just needs welcoming! And that scout report needs digesting!
• When a "You know you play too much Battlemaster when...?" list is made.
• You get mugged in the street and lose your mobile phone, wallet and trousers while looking for the 'defensive strategy' link.
• You get bored at work and attempt a brutal takeover of the next cubicle.
• You fill in a job application and enter 'Baron' where it says 'title'.
• Your girlfriend has your hand-drawn character portraits pinned to her bedroom wall. (no, seriously, she does!)
• You actually gave yourself the legal title "Duke of ...." to encourage yourself.
• You accuse people with friends in other countries of witchcraft or espionage.
• You call income taxes "taxes from troop leaders."
• You go to jail and wonder why the enemy judge hasn't set a ransom.
• You think archery tournaments are blasphemy.
• You find yourself pondering the cost of Mote and Bailey fortifications for the lawn.
  • ... and then realize that you forgot to get gold from the bank on your way home.
• You've been ignoring any memos that aren't printed on bright red paper. After all, you need to make sure not to waste your hours, in case Important Orders come in.
• You're planning a trip to your country's capital -- not to see the sights or talk to your elected representatives, but to hire a bunch of soldiers, buy a siege engine, and put a 50 gold bounty on your in-laws.
• After hearing about the police capturing some criminals you saw on the news, you eagerly await reading the torture reports.
• You go to school hoping to have some Swordfighting lessons.
• You've been in your country for years and complain to the council that you haven't even been appointed Local Lord.
• You secede with your home so you can now rule your own realm.
• You get home completely drunk and you can still scout.
• You pray to some Battlemaster-God in Church.
• You start a rebellion with 3 men.
• You are trying to find Tom's telephone number in the past 5 years.
• You have a picture of Tom always with you.
• You start talking to your boss that he is corrupt and that the inquisition will get him anyway.
• You start drawing maps of Battlemaster on your exams.
• You give your teacher titles.
• You desperately try to recruit some soldiers in the mall.
• You want the name of your street changed into Rue de Battlemaster
• You plunder the store next door because you have just read an order to loot.
• You have more then 3 pages on the Wiki which are really worth reading.
• Your only goal in life is to become ruler.
• Upon finding out that after spending the afternoon in the city, you will also be spending the evening/night there at a concert, your first thought is that you'll miss a whole turn.
• You start to think that if you have so many titles in the game, you deserve a few in the SCA.
• You try to sell copies of the Atamara Times on the street for a few extra gold.
• No matter what your local time is, the Day is between 6:00 and 18:00 server time.
• You try to get yourself executed "for the fame point."
• You wonder why your country's laws aren't on the BM wiki.
• You become nervous when the time of turn change approaches.
• You send the mails titled "Report" to your boss.
• Your family and friends know that you have won a tournament.
• You interpret the politic events from TV news as the Takeovers, Rebellions and Courts.
• You know more about the diplomacy relations in your continent than about the recent politics of you RL country.
• At the tax day, you're surprised you must pay, not receive money.
• You look at a globe for an unclaimed island to go do a colony takeover on.
• When you refer to BM characters on school quizzes, tests, or assignments.
• When, on a career test, you put, for preferred career, "Ruler or judge of my realm"
• When you refer to cliques as, "Federations" or "Guilds"
• When you write declarations of war on other people whenever you are mad at them
• When people at school know you as "Battle Master Man"
• When you sit for hours in front of your computer trying to come up with the wittiest 'You Know When You've Played Too Much Battlemaster' joke
• When you sit here reading this to spend time, while hoping for a new message for any of your characters
• When you scratch your eyes out if the turn change is late.
• When you tried to glue your eyes back in, in the hopes that the turn change may someday come.
• When you use the turn change, and the apocalypse as good analogies for each other.
• When the turn doesn't change and you fear the gods are angry at you.
• When you make a little comment of another topic and tell first it's an "OOC-comment"
• When you don't go out with friends but with "TLs"
• When you complain in your school academy about them not teaching jousting.
• When you arrive late and tell your friends: "some infiltrator blocked the route and i had to find a new one".
• When you hear at the news about new war actions and you ask yourself about their line settings.
• When your football team has lost and you go to to the judge asking him to show mercy to raise morale.
• When you send out scouts before long travels to be sure that you arrive in time.
• When you call your GPS "Dynamic Map"
• When you don't want to ask for money to your mother so you don't lose honour.
• When someone asks you for the weather and you answer "to the joy of our archers"
• When you want to meet a friend and you tell him you'll go right after sunset...
  • ...even when it's summer and the sun sets 3 hours later than turn change.
  • ...and you're using those extra 3 hours to play BattleMaster.
• When your little brother is in your room and you tell him to stop sneaking around your tent.
• When you go on a travel and ask before if the territory is of an ally or if you're just in peace to prepare for possible attacks...
• When you know the top ten of region's population of your continent.
• You wake up and realize that the last turn change was just in your dreams
  • ...and then the turn change happens exactly as it did in the dream
• You have serious debates with anybody about whether a game is more "roleplaying" or "strategy"
• When you return home and when you connect you see the server is shutting down for some instants during 5 minutes and finally it says that the turn won't change until tomorrow... and you get like this[1]...
• When you miss your bus because you thought that someone would reply to a roleplay you sent out 10 minutes ago
• When one or more of the clocks in your home are set to BM time, provided you don't live in Germany.
• when you challenge the school bully to a duel until surrender and explain to him that you keep running away because you chose the "defensive" strategy
• When you use "Tom" as an expletive. OH MY TOM!
• You make BM-related jokes on the BM IRC channel.
• For those that don't have the nerve to approach personally, you write an OOC RP to a "girl" friend of yours to go out to attend a social activity.
• When you try to explain to people that RPing Holy Matrimony on BM is fun, your friends stare at you in disbelief.
• When you submit your own RPs as original writing, and having now successfully merged those two areas of your life you are seeking a way to make your social life integrate with BM as well.
• You find that you travel by moving through one county every 12 hours.
• You don't do anything for 4 hours one day and the next day is 4 hours longer.
• When the bullies at school become too much, you threaten to place a bounty on their heads.
• You are surprised that sending a letter through the mail consists of more than telling the mail people the destination's NAME. Address? Whats that?
• You accuse your girlfriend/boyfriend of inactivity when they haven't called you enough, and threaten to ban them, but end up not doing so because you fear a lightning bolt.
• You have a "diplomatic relations" chart for your friends.
• You tell your banker to get traders to ship more food to your house when your fridge is empty.
• You think that all jail sentences last for seven days.
• You can think of things to put on this list.
• When watching movies at a theatre, you can remember moments in the movie that have occurred in BM.
• You think stabbing people with a poisoned knife is OK, because "they won't die anyway".
• When you go on holiday, you ask the embassy for scout reports on your destination.
• When betting on fights, you try to get both fighters to show off to find out which one of them has the best boxing skill percentage.
• When at a sports tournament, you buy everyone drinks, hoping it will make you popular.
• You're angry with the postal service because it takes days for your letters to arrive.
• When you get hit by a car, get dragged to hospital but insist you just HAVE to go on BM before they knock you out. People might not get orders! The horror!
• You spend your summer doing exactly what you did all school year and vowed never to do it again: READING AND WRITING!!!
• You refer to yourself as a local lord, demand weekly taxes from your family, and hire a militia to stand in your yard all day just in case monsters appear out of thin air.
• You quit your job. Why work when taxes from the lowly peasants go straight to you?
• You show in your CV your user account, your nick as user and also the ranks of each character and the positions held...
  • ...and you give your account's password so the one interested is able to prove it.
    • ...and he does it
      • ...and you get the job for it!! =P
• When you wake up at 1:30 in the morning because you had a nightmare of being wounded for venturing out of the walls. you then rush onto the PC and set your men to defensive.
• You get mad when your parents call you irresponsible, and proceed to show them how regularly and diligently you log onto BM.
  • To follow that up, you tell them that, since you were fiscally responsible enough to be Banker, surely you can be trusted with a higher allowance.
    • You request that your allowance be called your "tax share".
      • When your "tax share" lowers, you speak with the judge to try and ban your parents for not keeping up their bureaucratic work.
• When you're in a bad mood, you tell your friends you're going to go, "Loot the peasants."
• When you get a job, you request you be knighted as a vassal.
• If a bar/theater/whatever is too crowded, you and your friends throw everyone out the door and call it a hostile takeover.
  • For your senior prank, you have your class perform a Hostile Takeover of the school. The corrupted school system places you all in internal suspension. So you plan a rebellion in the room you're stationed in and takeover the school ever so slowly, appointing local lords for each classroom.
    • ...But then you realise you will have to resolve the claims first and ask your judge to negotiate with the prisoners while you try and find your governments main office address.
• You try to get your wads of cash converted to bonds at the bank, when the teller refuses, you call him a racist for not dealing with foreign nobles.
• (Avamarians will get this one) You refuse to eat Driscoll's brand strawberries, and when your family asks why, you dismiss it as treason and explain the whole history of Driscol family dislike.
  • You hate jokes that only Avamarians will get, only because you have a character in Sirion who hates Avamarians.
• You dream that your judge banned you from the realm for some petty reason and this causes you to rush to the computer and make sure it didn't actually happen (true story).
• You wonder why people talk about rich doctors. They get only 5 gold a week.
• You find the server down and you have nothing to do for the day.
• You log-on and begin hyperventilating because you see a report that says the enemy just TO'ed your realm's capital.
• Your partner forgets your birthday because they are too busy checking the messages from overnight (true story)
• When preparing your character on a perilous journey through enemy lines, OOC you pray to one of the many BM gods :P (The Great Dragon in this case)
• You forget to call your old grand mother to eat because your too distracted refreshing your Family page (true story)
• You don't see anything wrong with doing most of these things.
• You go to your aunt's house six times in one day, and then complain when you do not receive any gold.
• You wear black and spend half the day crying because your hero char died in battle.
• You can recite every realm, on every continent, from memory.
• You dream that you were standing on a Battlemaster map (hey, there's Stargard!) and you can see the people in your realm standing next to you.
• When you send emails starting with OOC (true story)
• When you are late to exams just to finish your roleplay off...then wait for the reply. (Also a true story)
• When you lye awake at night thinking how helpless you are to save your region being TO'd, and thinking up how you can get revenge on those who did it!
• When you're so busy RP and reading all the messages and all newspapers on wiki that you forget to throw out the trash like you were asked for...and they just wait for you to do it for 2 days (true story)
• When you call your dog battlemaster and try to explain to your parents how the name suits him/her.
• You wonder why newspapers are out everyday and not every month.
• When you and your friends are playing Castle Risk/World Risk...you make references to Battlemaster...and catch yourself in the act of doing so 0.0 (true story)
• You've asked people in the Medieval Total War 2 modding community if it's possible to rename all factions to BM realms.
• You, while playing Civilization IV proceed to rename your cities after BM cities, or while playing Age of Empires make a scenario based on BM events.
• You greet people on your MSN/AIM/YIM lists by their BattleMaster alter egos.
  • And you write this down because there are too many people on your list who play BM.
• You were told to watch your sister, but you forgot and logged onto BM for an extensive period of time, which in turn, grounded you from said computer, and BM.(True story)
• You start issuing claims on your work desk
• When your writing an RP you spend 30 minutes going over it in your head and start choreographing it whether or not its actually a fight scene. (True story)
  • And then your day is ruined because BM times out after 20 minutes and you forgot to save your message. (True story)
• You write up role plays months in advance before they actually happen. (True story)
• When you rarely miss a turn in years
  • And you can count and date the turns that you did miss.
• When you can spell Fwuvoghor or better yet, walfburgisnacht without looking it up or copy+pasting.
• The only thing running through your mind hours before your wedding is that you need to tell the realm you're going to miss a few turns.
• When you look at a map of the city you're in and wonder why you can't see the CS values.
• You start spelling demon as daimon.

(Because we all recognize that they are actually strange, alien beings with big ears and are overly interested in bargaining and wealth)

• You know that you are to much in BM when you start calling Estonians- Estonites
• When you start feeling like a stalker for regularly looking at this page.
• When you tell yourself that violating your work policy on personal use of computer is fine "because it's just Battlemaster, right?"
• When a 15 minute "turn-check" becomes a 3 hour tour.
• When you eagerly await the year-end fiscal report to find out what your department/region's "tax share" will be.
• When you demand a raise in gold pieces.
  • You know your boss plays too much when they actually endorse the above.
• When your girlfriend is turned on by the fact the her Duchess character is told she owes allegiance to your King character (incidentally, the characters are married) (true story as are all that follow)
  • Also, when said girlfriend visits you from the other side of the country, and you both spend the weekend on Battlemaster
  • You met your girlfriend through Battlemaster, and thanked Tom that you don't have to explain your obsession
  • You give your girlfriend's character a new duchy (a city, this time, not some mangy stronghold) for her birthday, and she's ecstatic
  • And as a final note, your girlfriend's daughter also plays Battlemaster
• You spend a full three days forwarding helpful emails to your non-D-list friends, meeting for near hourly updates online, and generally panicking over the unknown state of your account during what you refer to in hushed tones as "The DNS Crisis"
• You search for a BattleMaster group on Facebook - then join it!
• When you see a pirate flag you are instantly struck by the strange urge to take over whatever territory it marks.
• You give serious thought to saving up a six figure sum to bribe Tom to make changes to BM.
• You worry that the distance of your house from the capital might cause anarchists to prosper.
• You actually write a novel about your characters exploits...

• Then you expect people to like it/read it

• You go to watch a couple of your friends play a gig, and spend the whole time thinking about the campaign speech you just sent, and how it will be received, and future troop movements.
• You know so much history about each realm you have the compulsion to edit the wiki summarising it.
• You have the start and end of Daylight Savings Time in Germany marked on your calender because it changes your precisely calculated turn login times.
• You actually sign an OOC. (True story)
• You stop sex for turn change. (True story of a friend I know...)
• You and your friend are walking slowly to school, knowing your late and you instead start debating what excuse to use this time, having blamed undead/Daimon invasions and infiltrators before (True story, had a lot of laughs telling the head of year that's why we're late)
• You get in an argument with your Girlfriend because she swears you ignore her for Battlemaster (I swear I wasn't, it's just the page was refreshing slowly and it was taking up all my attention to watch it load)
• You start to roleplay your girlfriend in your roleplays.
  • Your friends start roleplaying her too!
• You write poetry about battlemaster in your spare time (as in while your not refreshing)
• You make spreadsheets for BM data.
• You archive all messages your character sends or receives.
• You never go on vacations longer than 5 days, otherwise you might lose your titles or your characters will be auto-paused due to inactivity.
• You got to the local recruitment center expecting to hire yourself a personal guard.
  • ...when they look at you funny, you realize your not in your realm's capital.
• You are celebrating the birthdays of your characters.
• You accidentally talk/write about The Great Doc-tator when you meant The Great Dictator!
• You bought an icelandic keyboard just so you can type Véinsørmoot without the hassle.
• You sneak into your base's internet tent during a rocket attack just so you can check BM undisturbed.

Feel free to add your own :D