Sandalak (SI)/Sandalak Roleplays
Jane Fletcher Chamberlain
Corruption of the Puff
After the debacle of the cretinous Puff, and now accusations of corruption from the lazy and incompetent Enforcer, Jane once more stood before the wall of blood. One of Dinkle Puff's 'friends' stood before her, and it was with distaste that she drew her blade across the belly of a man who should have been a good Sandal but who had been corrupted by the cretin. Reaching her three fingers into the wound, she renewed the blood daub to her eyes and began writing on the wall...
Taking back Adreliha
The travelling chest teetered slightly as she took a place above them all. The councillors and administrators had crowded into the large chamber... many bringing wives and children to see the spectacle of the Pythia of Sandalak.
She cleared her throat gently, treating them to a warm smile.
"Adreliha... I am so pleased to be back amongst my loyal people..." her smile froze as she scanned the room. She cocked her head listening with satisfaction to the absolute silence of all but the bated breath of her audience. "But wait... you no longer fly my banners..." She feigned puzzlement. "Before I welcomed you with open arms and treated you to my peace... now it is otherwise..." She flicked her wrist and her men descended on the room like a pack of hounds. Gasps and screams began to echo with the clamor of metal bone.
She stepped past he throngs daintily, almost whispering. "I shall take your oaths soon enough, I suppose..."
The man shuffled before her, head bowed, cap twisting in his grip. His chin wobbled irritatingly as he sought for words. She kept her face friendly with the wide simpletons smile, though she imagined her irritation must be obvious to the more knowledgeable observer.
Eyes flashing in what she hoped was an encouraging way she drawled crisply, (something few people she had ever known could manage), "Yes?"
The sweat beading on his brow now rolled fluidly into the creases of his chins, "Your esteemed, magnificence...." she raised an eyebrow in distaste, "Your... your Greatness?" She raised a second eyebrow this time in disgust.
"Silly, silly wobbly man, greatness implies fat, which you are and I am not... as to magnificence, perhaps when I am old... something I never intend to be I will accept such a title. For now, 'Your beauteous Majesty', 'True Queen' or simply 'Esteemed True Mistress of the Southern Isles'... but whatever you think really."
The man looked at her uncertainly, She realised she hadn't blinked for a while, something people often found disconcerting. She made a deliberate effort and blinked three times, smiling widely at the man.
He promptly wet himself.
Sobbing he began anew: "Your... Your beautiful Queenlyness?" she huffed blowing her fringe from her eyes but let it pass.
"I assume you have come to offer your oath little wobbly man?"
He looked at his feet and the small puddle in which they now stood. "Well you see, your Queenlyness... the Ki..." her eyes changed and he cut the word before it saw his throat cut: "the false King of Ikalak, he promised us access to the Single Market... apparently it means trade without borders and what not... I'm not sure what what not is and I wasn't really sure about trading borders and all that but could you maybe give us the same"
The man was clearly mad, she had no concept of what he was talking about... nothing was 'free' it was all the property of Sandalak... that he should try to bargain with her... well...
She smiled again in a way she hoped was beneficent, though the man paled visibly before her. "Bring in his prettiest daughter," she reached for her cudgel. The girl was ushered in between two of her men, Jane paused letting the cudgel fall to her side. "...this is the prettiest? ... you are positive?"
Turing from the girl she said sweetly to the man: "I see your punishments are daily looking at that ugly mug every day... have you been tupping a goat.. or do you have a wobbly sister you know a little too well?"
She turned to the men. "She is affront enough... break his balls so he can't make anything worse."
She picked up her skirts and tread daintily from the room as the wobbly man began to squeal like a pig.
The wobbly man, bowed before her, breathing heavily through his mouth as the swelling in his face clearly made it difficult to breath through his nose.
She smiled benevolently: "You come to give your oath?"
Sobbing quietly the man nodded. She stretched her hand that he might offer his troth. As he bent forward she thought better of it, pulling her hand around and patting him on the back.
"Marvelous, marvelous... there's a good chap!" she noted breezily as she left the mayoral chambers to its sobbing occupant.
The Failing Enforcer
Puffed up Sir!
I demand satisfaction of you for your assault on my region!
Region Control Activity (2 hours, 25 minutes ago) Dinkle has ordered his men to raid suspected insurgent peasants in Gwohadda, capturing some of them. Morale in the region falls 10 %.
There was no need for that act in my region!
Judge Sofia, i demand a duel with Puff!
The Pirate Sings the Blues
Bluetooth stumbled around the camp, rum in hand, admonishing his soldiers for their poor performances in the past. This was totally inaccurate, of course, because hardly any of his men survived the previous engagements with the enemy. Regardless of the facts, Bluetooth continued to lash out at his men while they trained. He figured, drunkenly, that the scolding would entice them to become better soldiers, and perhaps they wouldn't die needlessly against the vain merchantmen of Ikalak.
Bluetooth's rampage wasn't always taken seriously. As stated, he had rum in his hand, and anybody that knows Bluetooth knows that a bottle of rum rarely stays full when it's in his hand. So his tirade tended to be flecked with rather ridiculous pejoratives...
"Git to it ya scrubby boonswagglers!"
"That ain't yer mothers pee-diddler! Hold it like a man!"
"Yer blockin' like a con-flabbit dinklewart! Ya got that shield fer a reason you peck diggler!"
"Jones! What in holy hobbiton are ya ogglin' at ya spiney sea goop?!?!"
Bluetooth yelled loud enough for everyone in the vicinity of his camp to hear. He thought he cut the impressive figure, training his men like this, but many of the senior troopers merely chuckled behind his back, knowing he would pass out in a drunken stupor soon.
In defence of the Tactician
"My lady, messengers from lord Fyodor and marshal Crimson have arrived, shall I let them pass?" asked captain Hildebert. Hinya answered: "Just bring me letters they were carrying and send them back to their lords. Also call my scribe."
Few minutes later...
Young scribe ran to Hinya presence, bowed and asked: "You called for me, my lady?" "Yes I called for you, otherwise I wouldn't need you in my presence?" answered Hinya with annoyed face and continued: "Captain give him the letters, and I need you to read them." "Yes my lady," said both. Scribe began with Fyodor's letter: "Our Tactician maybe a good leader..." At half of the letter Hinya stand up, hitted her fist with full power into the table and yelled: "THAT WEAK MINDED IMBECILE, OUR JOB IS TO COLLECT HEADS, NOT BATTLE REPORTS!" rising her fist from table and sitting down and trying to calm down, she asked her scribe to continue.
After scribe had finished both letters, Hinya ordered scribe to call other scribes and also get their ink,quills and lamb skins.
"Now start writing what I tell you." said hinya. "Count Fyodor, are you truly that blinded or just..."