Muninn Newsrag
 MUNINN NEWSRAG
| ||
| Lead Editor: Davendrall (User:X-anne-x) Editor and Agony Aunt: Anneliese (User:Audacity) |
Cost: 3 cookies | May - July 2010 |
The Muninn Newsrag! This Newspaper about the glorious vikings of gloriousness of Norland! The Muninn Newsrag is named after Muninn, the owl of memory. This owl is owned by Odin, one of the Viking Gods of The Way of the Hammer. Although Norland has...mysteriously disappeared (but secretly we all know Xaphan forgot where he put it), the memory of Norland still lives on in the Norlanders who continue to seek a way to make a new Norland. As such, a paper about Norlanders, is named the newspaper of the memory. The paper is currently based in Barad Lacirith, Capital of Eston, where there is a current infestation of Norlanders. The main editor is Davendrall Felhand who also owns the newspaper as part of her business; The Cute Cookie Corporation. In her offices there are rows upon rows of mini desks. And in each one, is a rabbit. And in each rabbit's fury little paws is a pencil. And with that pencil, they have been trained to write. And thus this newspaper is written.
Under Construction by Rodents
Ask Anne the Agony Aunt |
|---|
| ______________________________________ |
| • Dear Aunt Anne, I think my husband is cheating on me with my best friends sister, what do I do? - Georgina |
| • Dear Georgina,
Who are you, and why are you calling me 'aunt'? Does Kate have a lover I don't know about? You certainly can't be any niece of mine; I doubt any daughter of Katelijn would know how to write, much less at such a young age. And don't tell me you're a daughter of my little brother - that, I don't want to even think about. You clearly have the wrong Anne. Go bother someone else. - Anneliese |
| ______________________________________ |
| • Dear Aunt Anne, I have a pumpkin fetish, what do I do? - Anonymous |
| • Dear Anonymous,
It was entirely unnecessary of you to send a USED pumpkin with your letter. Please do not contact me again. - Anneliese |
| ______________________________________ |
| Advertisement |
|
| Girl committed suicide after writing to Anne the Agony Aunt | Friday 2nd July | ||
| Today a girl was found dead outside her house, hanging from a tree. The local watch confirm it was suicide and released the girls name as 'Georgina'. They have sent a letter to the owner of the local newspaper...this one...claiming a need for a public retribution as the girl was found clutching a letter from this papers Agony Aunt; Anne. Thus this newspaper formerly says sorry to the girl and hope you have a nice time in heaven. Let it be known this was an unusual inncident and readers should not be discouraged from sending in letters to Aunt Anne. The Agony Aunt has been informed, though it apparently wasn't explained to her prior to the letter that she was indeed...an agony aunt, which caused the confusing in the first place and led the girl to suicide...yeah erm...sorry about that | |||
| Editor: Davendrall | |||
| Leprechaun Wine is apparently illegal | Thursday 1st July | ||
| During an... incident involving this newspaper's headquarters, we are sad to report that Lepruchan wine is illegal outside of brothels. This news comes from Athena Leather, Royal Magistrate of Eston, Duchess of Barad Lacirith, Marshal of the "Royal Judicial Corp", also known as 'she of the ridiculously long title.'
Since we are a law-abiding newspaper, we are of course encouraging you to donate any wine you may have to your local brothel. We wouldn't do something like, oh, suggest that you hide the wine beneath a bag of grain in the cellar or in the coals of one's seldom used fireplace, for example. Which is why we are not compiling a list of the best places to hide Leprechaun wine, and printing it here in this paper. By the way local
(The reporter of this story would like to remain anonymous, for fear of possible... repercussions. Please don't hurt me, Athena.) | |||
| Editor: Anneliese | |||
| Noble found naked, drunk and delusional in Barad Lacirith | Thursday 1st July | ||
| In the early hours of the morning merchants began to set up their stools for market day. But as one unsuspected merchant began this task, he stumbled upon what at first he thought was a giant, dead pigeon tied to a pole, but with further investigation discovered it was a knight of the realm who had been stripped to his underwear and covered in honey and feathers. The merchant, who does not wished to be named for his own protection states what he saw: "Well I be setting up my stool right in the main square of the capital, and all out of the corner of my eye I saw this strange shape attached to a pole. I got closer and saw that it be a man, I thought he was deaded when I first saw him, but he started groaning. Lots of other people noticed too, there was a crowd around me there was, before those ladies came through and took him away." The ladies, nobles Davendrall and Anneliese were able to identify the man as Sir Charion, also a noble of Eston. They claim he had too much hallucinogenic wine the night before, and somebody must have taken advantage of him. | |||
| Editor: Davendrall | |||
| Chaos in Eston | Wednesday 26th May 2010 | ||
| Reports have been coming from in and around the capital of Eston about sudden chaos spreading in many regions. The peace and tranquility of Eston has been progressively destroyed, replaced by terrors never seen before. Slum housing around Barad Lacirith has abruptly caught fire, after fire retardant squirrels, set alight, were fired through walls from what appeared to be giant catapults. In the center of the city there have been rumors of a giant squirrel, by the name of Xaphan claiming to be a nobleman joining the realm, and has even been granted an oath with a region lord. Tavern brawls have increased by 162% since the chaos began, with many drinkers having hallucinations, apparently from drinking Leprechaun Wine. But all this is insignificant compared to the information that has recently been revealed: All the cookies in Eston have been stolen!
There is only once explanation for all of this. The Norlanders have come to Eston! | |||
| Editor: Davendrall | |||
