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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | Mathias… Port Nebel… Sorsha never usually had one without the other, but now… she had to. Her husband was in Paisly now and she had been newly appointed Duchess in his stead. A part of her was happy, she loved King Cenarious as her own father and she would do as he asked without question but a part of her was spiraling into a sad state of depression.
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| − | So many things made her sad now. Sighing she looked up to the stars with heartache, the very stars she had sworn upon on her wedding day. The stars…they meant so much to her for more than just one reason. Some she wouldn’t mention anymore, but the memory remained.
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| − | The rooftop had been transformed into a beautiful garden which Mathias had made for her. She’d had a long chair set up with cushions and tables to enjoy it when she could and a fur blanket to keep the chill from reaching her.
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| − | Tonight, she lay back with Lasair, her ocelot, curled up beside her. His purring was soothing, and she ran her hand into his soft fur, trying to find warmth and comfort from his unconditional love and adoration of her. Again, her ocelot, another gift from Mathias… Reaching up she wiped a tear on her cheek and let out a trembling sigh.
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| − | It had been some time since they’d exchanged vows, and she had not seen Mathias since. Well, if one counted a short moment after the battle in Paisly which had left both of them injured. Afterwards, not even a letter to ask how she was, or to simply tell her he loved her or was thinking of her. Closing her eyes, more tears escaped. No she was lying to herself, he had written to her, asking for food, and then to reprimand her. The tone of his letter had been angry, one of a man speaking to a subordinate…
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| − | Not only was she deeply wounded by how he had treated her, she refused to write or even go see him now, she was also bitter. She didn’t even have the chance to tell him she was pregnant, she was afraid of his reaction now. Well Mathias would see the change with his own eyes if they saw each other again…
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| − | Already she was beginning to have difficulty wearing her skin tight leathers instead she had chosen loose fitting gowns. Her usually flat abdomen was now a small rounded bump she could no longer hide. That in itself would be a shock to anyone who saw her.
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| − | Time apart like this especially one filled with silence, only managed to make her doubt where her choices had led her once again. Had he even loved her at all? There had been so many whispered promises from him, words of undying love which evaporated as quickly as the whisper of his kiss the last time she saw him. She couldn’t even remember what it felt like to hold him, to feel his lips on hers. Even the sound of his voice was slowly fading and her stomach tightened into a knot with foreboding and she started to cry softly, unable to contain the heartache. With her chaotic past and history of love gone awry, she was a paranoid wreck. But why the sudden silence? She wasn’t that hard to please, a simple word from him would suffice, but no she was left with nothing to hold on to but doubt.
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| − | Her lips trembled and she nuzzled into Lasair’s fur with a sob. “Have I done something wrong?” she asked her cat and he moved his head to hers. “I miss him so much…” she whispered and another sob escaped through the controlled tightness she was trying so hard to keep and then she broke down unable to hold on any longer.
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| − | Today Sorsha’s hair was not in its usual braid, instead her long brown hair hung loosely down her back. The black dress she’d had made was of comfortable flowing velvet. The rounded neckline was very modest, and the waist was cut high as to allow freedom of movement to her waist.
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| − | Entering the ducal palace from her garden, she shrugged her cloak off to a waiting Carlene. “Will you be needing anything else, my Lady?” she asked hesitantly and Sorsha shook her head. “No thank you,” she answered her voice barely loud enough for Carlene to hear.
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| − | She had spent much time crying, and her voice was so soft and filled with emotion, it simply broke when she tried to speak. She didn’t trust herself enough to carry a conversation for fear of breaking down again. Sorsha was an extremely emotional person to begin with, but lately she seemed to cry at the littlest things. Her hand cradled her abdomen and she shook her head and walked away, her eyes filled with tears.
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| − | At least her morning sickness seemed to have dissipated but she still wasn’t feeling so well. She made it to her study and closed the door behind her. Letters were stacked on her desk, and she looked to them slowly, brushing each to the side, looking for the Ridder seal but it wasn’t there.
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| − | She simply pushed them off to the side and ignored them to look out the window to the port city below. Many vessels were coasting along the cliffs back into the deep of the sea and she sighed. So many people and every one of them carried about with their daily lives, and each with their very own heartbreaking story. Port Nebel was starving… like it did every winter in D’Hara, this year was no different. She couldn’t help but be saddened by the poor children who went to bed with their tummies empty and the mother’s and father’s who had to watch them suffer, feeling incredibly helpless.
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| − | Lorlan chose that moment to enter her study with a tray of food and stood a distance behind her. She looked over her shoulder at him and he was immediately at her side. “What’s wrong my Lady?” he asked and she averted her face. He had obviously seen the tears on her cheeks and she shook her head. “I’m fine Master Lorlan…” her voice trembled and he touched her arm. “Do you need anything?” he dropped all pretense of playing servant and put a comforting arm around her shoulders. She couldn’t help herself and more tears escaped at the gesture, feebly she tried pushing him away.
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| − | “Please… I will be fine…” she insisted and then indicated her tray of food. “I wish for you to set aside as much food as we can spare from the palace and have it sent to the city,” she paused and swallowed. “I will be content with soup for the time being,” she told him. Her sadness was such that she could barely eat as it was. “Please see to my wishes immediately,” she pleaded, her words edging near to an order and he looked back, torn between staying to comfort her and obeying her wishes. Finally he nodded and left.
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| − | Sorsha looked out to the city and wiped her cheeks.
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