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| − | '''Roleplay from Rathan Himoura'''
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| − | Rathan woke with a groan, his eyes snapping open. The wound he had suffered in Rettlewood had torn open the one he had received the day prior. The healers had done an admirable job of patching him up. The pain was tolerable, but he dared not move.
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| − | "I must have taken a bad step somewhere..." he said aloud.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | A knock at the door startled Sorsha out of her thoughts and she looked up. It was a few minutes before she called out, “enter.”
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| − | When the door opened, her healer’s head peeked through the crack to allow the rest of him and he smiled. “Uhm…Marquis Rathan is awake,” he informed her.
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| − | “Good,” she said simply and returned to her thoughts. “You may go…” she said absently and he looked at her curiously. “My lady if I may, you do not look well.”
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| − | She grit her teeth at his observation and told him calmly, “I’ll be fine…I’m just tired.”
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| − | “Then I will let you sleep,” he told her, in a roundabout way telling her she should and she watched him leave. He walked away from her room, passing the Marquis’ which was only beside hers and left.
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| − | When she was sure she wouldn’t be disturbed again, she undid the belts at her torso pressing her trembling lips together and groaned. She had tried to sleep if only for a an hour… but she had woken in a fit which had tore open her wound again, she was just relieved she hadn’t screamed this time and woke the entire establishment.
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| − | Reaching beneath the bed, she pulled out the water bowl and set it back on the table. She pulled off the soiled bandage slowly, looking away with a hiss. Her hands came away bloodied and she tried to clean it as best she could while trying to ignore the pain. When she was done, she re-bandaged it, and dressed once more.
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| − | Stepping out of the room, she walked to the Marquis’ door and gave a small knock.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Rathan Himoura'''
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| − | Rathan had been fidgeting with his bandages, trying to relieve the terrible itch from underneath when there was a knock at the door.
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| − | "Enter already." Rathan called out hoarsely, his thirst unbearable.
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| − | When Sorsha entered he grinned, coughed, and then spoke.
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| − | "A most pleasant surprise if I do say so myself."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | Sorsha entered the room and upon seeing his grin some of the pressure between her shoulder blades lessened.
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| − | “You’ve regained some color,” she told him honestly. Hearing the hoarseness of his voice she walked over to the pitcher near the door and poured him a cup of cool water. She walked to his bed, sat beside him trying to hide the small wince at the movement and handed it to him.
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| − | “You should be well soon enough,” she stated… unsure what else to add. She had just wanted to see him up for herself.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Rathan Himoura'''
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| − | Rathan gulped down the water like a man dying of thirst, and sighed in satisfaction.
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| − | "Much obliged, you may very well have just saved my life."
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| − | Rathan looked at her, his concern evident.
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| − | "How are you faring? You stormed off so quickly, and then I heard you were wounded... Then I was.... Then I was again..."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | She could not smile at his words. “Thank whoever it was that saved my life first… had it not been for them, I wouldn’t have even made it here.” The vision of the first battle flashed before her eyes, the voice calling out her name and her hand reached for her stomach.
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| − | “I am somewhat better but…not well,” she finally admitted. “I am suffocating in these clothes, and my wound does not seem to want to heal, and I am tired…” she looked down to his empty cup and took it from his hand. “So tired Rath…” she started to say and corrected herself, “Marquis Rathan.”
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| − | '''Roleplay from Rathan Himoura'''
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| − | Rathan reached up and ran a gentle hand along her face.
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| − | "Call me Rathan. Now, if the leathers are bothering you, and I don't mean to sound indecent, take them off. And get some rest, you can consider that an order."
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| − | Rathan looked her in the eyes for a moment, then sank back into his pillow.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | “Rathan,” she said his name in a low voice, “I cannot, I do not have anything else to wear, as for sleep I’ve tried and woke this morning soaked in blood…” she bit her lip and added so sofly Rathan had to concentrate to hear her words. “And…the only person who has ever been able to keep my nightmares away is not here...”
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| − | He sank back into his pillow and she could see he at least needed the rest and could get it. “It is not important,” she brushed off quickly, “I’m sorry to have disturbed you. I should let you rest now.”
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| − | '''Roleplay from Rathan Himoura'''
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| − | "No, please stay. It does me good."
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| − | Rathan grimaced.
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| − | "Just my back is all. Can't sit up for too long."
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| − | Rathan shifted a little.
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| − | "I can arrange to get you something more comfortable. For now, you don't need to wear anything, especially if it causes you pain. I'll make sure you aren't disturbed."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | At his words she gave a small nod. She could not do as he asked, her bandage only covered a portion of her waist and with her leathers, she did not have the luxury of undergarments.
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| − | Having an idea, she looked around the room and spotted something else. Walking over to his bags, she reached to find one of his tunics, it was black. “May I?”
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| − | She didn’t wait for his words. She turned her back to him and undid her belts, slowly she removed the leather careful not to aggravate herself, only giving him a glimpse of her bare back. Avoiding the bandage she let the leather fall at her side and slipped the tunic over her head. She swallowed and took one of her belts to tie it to her hips. Almost instantly she felt relief and closed her eyes with a sigh.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Rathan Himoura'''
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| − | Rathan looked on in interest, then settled back into his pillow.
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| − | "See, I said I could arrange something. Much better now, isn't it? Do take care not to rip that though, it's an import."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | Her brow rose at his words, the man took pride in his clothes. “Aye, I will care for it as if it were my own,” she said picking up her discarded leather. “She returned to the bed beside him, her fingers picked at the garment in her hands.
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| − | “I shouldn’t have asked you to come with me you’d be halfway home by now…” she paused and looked up into his eyes. “Will you be leaving once you’ve fully recovered?”
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| − | '''Roleplay from Rathan Himoura'''
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| − | Rathan shook his head slightly.
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| − | "Don't worry about it. I've had worse... Well, not really... But I wouldn't leave you behind. I'll be leaving when you do."
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| − | Rathan said, sternly, his commitment obvious.
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| − | "Your safety is my priority."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | She nodded her head, and the sunlight through the window reflected in her eyes. So he had stayed because of her. She unconsciously gripped his blanket in her hands and licked her lips. She couldn’t reply to that, couldn’t tell him what was on her mind because they’d be headed in a direction she couldn’t follow.
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| − | “I would not leave you behind either,” she finally said.
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| − | There was an awkward silence between them and she shifted on the bed beside him. She rubbed her eyes tiredly and closed them. Now that they were away from home, it took away some of her confusion. She had not received word from anyone since leaving and that silence was allowing her to breathe with a clearer head.
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| − | “Are you hungry?” she asked, “I could have food brought up?”
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| − | '''Roleplay from Rathan Himoura'''
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| − | "Well, I haven't eaten in some time. That would be great..."
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| − | Rathan's voice trailed off for a moment.
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| − | "Thank you."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | Sorsha got up to leave but before she turned she frowned, “besides the obvious… are you alright?” He looked pensive.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Rathan Himoura'''
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| − | Rathan looked into her eyes, unable to avert his gaze.
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| − | "I could be better, honestly. What's troubling you? Come, sit."
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| − | Rathan gestured to a spot on his bed.
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| − | "Standing and sulking won't do that wound any good."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | After making sure food would be brought up to them she returned and sat next to Rathan once more. He was right, standing was not helping her wound. What she wanted was to douse her entire body in a bath of cold water to wash away the fire on her flesh.
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| − | Sitting on the bed she made sure to face him. She did not know what to say, she did not know herself what was wrong. All she knew was that the awkward silence between them was getting longer and longer. She knew she was avoiding the heart of the matter. Looking over at him, she wished for that moment she knew what was going on behind his dark eyes, for once she wished she could read minds.
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| − | "What are we doing?" she asked softly, staring into his eyes. "Can you ever be satisfied with this?" she motioned between them and shook her head as if answering the question for him. "This emptiness I have... this...what is left of me," her voice was as empty as she was.
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| − | She took his hand and held on to it tightly. "I am not well Rathan. In fact this wound" she pointed to her stomach, "is the only thing grounding me, reminding me my life is real but that is not what I'm referring to. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I seem to be throwing myself every which way without knowing what I'm looking for. I am lost... and I can't even remember how I got here."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Rathan Himoura'''
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| − | "How you got here isn't important, it's that you're here. Stop living in the past and live."
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| − | Rathan squeezed her hand feebly, wincing as he did so.
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| − | "Be with me, and I can help you, with anything that comes up. There isn't a single thing I wouldn't do for you. You need to stop being a slave to your past, and just let things go. Don't forget, but allow yourself to forgive, and move on."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | At his words she stared into his eyes, to gauge the sincerity of them. Would he truly do anything for her? Those were words she had heard many times, but when put to the test, none truly followed through.
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| − | "I don't know how..." she breathed, "I don't know how to do any of those things. To live again... To be free...To forgive..." she looked down at their entwined hands. "To be with you..."
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| − | She shook her head, "you don't understand. I've tried... and the only way I am able to function is by effacing myself completely from my feelings to embrace emptiness. I have these..." she didn't want to tell him about the nightmares and their nature if she did she knew he wouldn't believe her. "I can't, she won't let me," she explained cryptically as if he would understand that much of it.
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| − | "The more I try, the more effort I put into it, the more she punishes me and I lose myself to her a bit more each time... I want to go back to everything I used to be, I want all the things I sacrificed returned to me but it's too late. You're right, I do live in the past Rathan because it is all I know. I don't know how to jump ahead into the unknown."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Rathan Himoura'''
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| − | "Who is she? And why does she matter any? How does she force you to be someone you don't want to be?"
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| − | Rathan held his gaze, his voice sincere.
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| − | "I can help you. I'll kill her if you need me to. Whatever you need."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | At his words she averted her gaze. "Her name is Kaylan...but you can't... kill her that is, she is already dead. She appears to me in these dreams, dreams that are too real to be dreams; nightmares. Ones I can barely wake from half the time. She knows when I am too soft, when I get too close to being like I used to be... And when I fall asleep she punishes me, she tortures me. The pain I feel there is so real, sometimes I wake expecting to be covered in blood but there is nothing."
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| − | She didn't want to look at his eyes, to see the disbelief in them. Instead she sighed. "I know it makes no sense... I know it's impossible to believe, I did not want to believe it myself. Like I said... I am not well. She's in here," she pointed to her temple. "To kill her, you would have to kill me. Are you prepared to do that?"
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| − | '''Roleplay from Rathan Himoura'''
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| − | "There is no need to kill you. We can fight this together. The sleep aid I was taking might be of help. I'll have it brought in."
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| − | Rathan grunted and winced as he struggled to sit up.
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| − | "And you can stay with me, I won't let any harm come of you."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | She blinked at his words. There was no laughter from him, no scoff of disbelief; instead he offered to be there with her to fight with her, as had Mathias. Her brow furrowed lightly, could it be so easy?
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| − | There was a knock at the door bringing her out of her thoughts and she got up to answer it. When she opened the door the food was brought in by a maidservant and then she quickly left. Sorsha took a tray with a platter, on it was some pheasant, cranberry jelly, roasted potatoes adorned with herbs, and beside it all a serving of vegetables complimented with some fresh warm bread and butter.
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| − | She left her tray on the table and returned to the bed, sitting at his feet. "I'm not sure," she admitted. "I've never taken anything of the sort before, what if it doesn't work? How DOES it work? Will I lose my senses?"
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| − | '''Roleplay from Rathan Himoura'''
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| − | "No, you'll retain your senses. It dulls the senses for a time, and quiets the mind, bringing you into a restful state. It is most relaxing. The best sleep you'll ever get."
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| − | Rathan looked at the food before him and dug in eagerly.
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| − | "I'm absolutely famished... This is wonderful."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | “I have not eaten in days,” she admitted absently as he commented the food. As Rathan ate, Sorsha pondered his words.
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| − | She did not want to lose control. She was unsure, but at the rate things were slowly spiralling for her, what other choices did she have? To stay awake the rest of her life, fight herself with every breath until there was nothing left of her to fight? Eventually she would no longer be able to function from her lack of sleep and Mathias was not with her to help keep the nightmares at bay. Would she continue trusting no one? To wither until her mind could take no more.
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| − | It would dull her senses for a time, but how long? Was the sacrifice worth the prize – To quiet her mind? The first she was unsure of, the second she desperately needed.
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| − | She did not speak for a long time, and then she looked over at him. “I will take it,” she finally whispered.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Rathan Himoura'''
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| − | Rathan pointed to a bag of his.
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| − | "Its in there. There are about a dozen vials of it. Drink it right before you want to go to sleep. When you wake up, you'll feel rested. You might feel a little groggy when you wake up, but once you get going again, you'll feel fine."
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| − | Rathan continued stuffing his face for a moment.
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| − | "And know that I'm here if you need me. I won't be going anywhere for a bit."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | Sorsha walked over to the bag, and pulled out one of the vials. It looked so small in her hands, so insignificant in comparison to the magnitude of her problem. She walked back to the bed and sat on it, this time leaning against the wall. She didn’t pay much attention to his eating and grew extremely silent, simply looking at it, turning it over in her hand.
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| − | When he was done with his food, she took the tray and set it back on the table beside her full plate.
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| − | “I don’t want to be alone when I fall asleep,” she told him in a small voice, “I don’t know if this will even work,” she said skeptically and looked at him, her eyes pleading. “If I even start breathing wrong, you need to wake me immediately.” It didn’t even cross her mind to wonder if under the effects of the tonic if he could wake her at all.
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| − | Before she did anything she grabbed the cushion and blanket her healer had brought the previous night, “for your comfort,” he had said. Taking it, she leaned up against the bed. Pulling the stopper from the vial, she closed her eyes and drank its contents, and waited quietly.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | Sorsha couldn’t even remember falling asleep. One moment her eyes were open, the next she woke curled up next to Rathan. Her head was resting on his chest, her arm reaching over as if protectively holding him and his arm holding her close. The steady sound of his heartbeat in her ear brought her out of her lethargic haze. Rathan had been right in his warning, she was extremely groggy, her mind somewhat confused. Had she subconsciously climbed into the bed, seeking out warmth and comfort? She couldn’t even remember how she got there. Well at least it was better than sleeping on the floor.
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| − | Just trying to keep her eyes open was an effort on her part, let alone trying to form a clear thought. She felt weighed down as if the world sat on her shoulders, most likely due to the fact she hadn’t slept in… Well she couldn’t remember how long it had been since she’d had a full night’s sleep.
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| − | Carefully, she slipped away from him, slowly removing his arm and looked around the room. Turning her back again, just in case, she slipped off his tunic, examined her bandage and slipped on her leather again. When she turned to check on him, his eyes were still closed. Going back to her room, she tried pacing a bit, fighting the urge to go back to sleep, she had slept like a log and she marveled at the emptiness that had welcomed her.
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| − | She would be fine for the next couple of days now, provided she could fully wake. Taking her daggers, she slipped them into her belt, grabbed her bow and left. She would be fully prepared this time. As soon as the cold air hit her, she was alert once more. “Thank you Rathan,” she whispered as she looked up to the window and marched off to meet her men, to prepare for the upcoming battle.
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