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| − | '''Roleplay from Asriel Octavius'''
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| − | Asriel waited until his men were positioned along the defences correctly then left to have a look round the D'Haran camps. It had been a long time since he had been among his fellow nobles and he was looking forward to talking to some of them once again. As he continued his walk he noticed the Lady Sorsha's banner flying from a building and decided to pay her a visit. He walked up to a man who was obviously guarding the building and said
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| − | "Tell your mistress that Asriel Octavius is here and wishes to present his regards."
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| − | Asriel waited outside patiently as the guard disappeared inside to convey his message.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | Sorsha picked up her black armored gauntlets and was slipping them on when Thomas entered the room. “There is a Sir Asriel Octavius, to see you Lady Marshal,” he bowed and she looked over her shoulder at him. Today she had woken up feeling strange, not the same strangeness as usual, she seemed to be permanently caught in the void for some reason. She didn’t show any emotion, but her brows drew together curiously. It had been a <i> long </i> time since she’s seen the knight in question face to face.
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| − | “Well let him in,” she said tonelessly.
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| − | Thomas walked away and a few moments later returned with Sir Asriel and then left. Sorsha stood near her desk, her skin tight black leathers shining off the fire nearby. Her blue violet eyes held no expression, but she forced herself to smile, even though she wasn’t feeling that either.
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| − | “Sir Asriel, what a surprise… It has been quite some since we saw each other last.”
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| − | '''Roleplay from Asriel Octavius'''
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| − | As Asriel entered the room he bowed briefly. As Sorsha spoke he noticed how expressionless her face looked. She was smiling but it certainly didn't reach her eyes at all. "My lady," he said, concerned, "is everything alright?"
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | She supposed it had been quite some time since he’d last seen her, her appearance had taken some of nobles time to get used to, he wasn’t any different. Of course her attitude had changed as well, she was no longer the sweet, naïve woman of so long ago.
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| − | “Everything is well Sir Asriel,” she motioned for him to take a seat and snapped her fingers to one of her servants. “Wine, and… tea again,” she added thoughtfully and sat behind her desk. “Quite interesting times are they not? Was there something I could do for you?” she got down to the point and waited, her blue violet eyes looking to him. She recalled the moment Asriel left with vivid accuracy, as well she recalled the circumstances around his departure as well.
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| − | She had always been known for her bluntness, but while within the void, she became cold, heartless, and unaffected by everything around her. Of course her husband, Mathias, trusted him, there was no reason why she shouldn’t, but one could never be too careful.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Asriel Octavius'''
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| − | Asriel was surprised by her cold demeanor but hid it and took a seat.
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| − | When she looked at him he looked back, right into her eyes, with his light, blue ones.
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| − | "I was passing by and I saw your banner. It has been a very long time since I've seen you so I decided to drop in. I hope you don't mind the intrusion. Indeed, these are interesting times and much seems to have changed in my absence. You, for one..." he trailed off.
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| − | "Forgive me my lady but I must ask, are you certain that everything is well? There seems to be this... coldness about you. I know it is not my place to ask such things and you will have to accept my apologies for my rudeness but I will not be able to rest unless I am certain you are not suffering from some malady or another."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | The corner of Sorsha’s mouth rose in a wry grin at his question and she leaned back into her chair.
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| − | The servant then returned, setting the drinks before each and she watched the tea quietly, but didn’t take any of it.
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| − | “Thank you for taking the time to come see me, it’s nice to still see some do,” she said the last softly and took her cup, the warmth of it felt good on her hands. “And yes… much has changed,” she remembered the same questions so long ago. How did one explain her situation? There was really no explanation, Sorsha had gotten hurt once to many times, it was a defense mechanism. One she relied on to survive, as one relied on oxygen to breathe. “I suffer from something, but I assure you it is no malady, I think I can fondly call it, lessons in life…” She took a small sip of the drink and set the cup back on the desk.
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| − | “Does that reassure you?”
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| − | '''Roleplay from Asriel Octavius'''
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| − | Asriel sipped his tea while he listened to Sorsha's words. He wondered what could have happened to this young woman to change her so. Listening to her she seemed... empty, as though all emotion had been drained from her. He pondered whether to try to get a rise out of her, something to get her to display some true emotion instead of this false mask which she now seemed to wear.
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| − | "Life can be harsh." he said. "But I have always found as much joy in it as despair. I am afraid that your words do not reassure me much since I am, by nature, inquisitive and unable to let go of a loose thread. I am always drawn to pull at it until it unravels". He gave a hollow laugh.
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| − | "I am not entirely certain what happened in my absence but I have heard... stories. Rumours and hearsay. Forgive me for mentioning such a thing, but are you aware that some say that it was you who killed Lord Rathan?"
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | Sorsha listened to his words, interested. Well he had eyes, and intuitiveness, which were good things if one wished to make it through life aware rather than to simply coast along like most did. She leaned her wrists on the edge of the desk, still holding on to the teacup for warmth as he spoke.
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| − | One could think her relaxed, until his last question. Her heart suddenly beat rapidly in her chest, and her cheeks warmed, and she could feel the burning of her fingers as she realized the teacup in her hands had shattered. She looked down, the liquid had spilled over the desk and she then rose slowly to grab a piece of cloth nearby. She wiped the tea up, and then leaned over the desk, getting closer to Asriel, “one should be careful when doing the unraveling, they will sometimes get tangled without meaning to. You will not like what you get,” she hissed, her words mordant and she walked around the desk to stand in front of him.
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| − | It was true, she had killed Rathan… had stabbed him through before he fell through the tower of the palace. A man she had loved passionately, almost as passionately as she had Mathias. It had all happened the morning of her wedding day, and had anyone bothered to inquire about what had happened or how? Had anyone even asked her if she needed to talk? Or how she even felt about it?
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| − | No, the realm had simply carried on, in celebration of not only her wedding, but of the disappearance of its bane, Rathan. A part of her was extremely grateful they had been there for her union, but a large part of her was extremely bitter. She had given them all what they wanted…of course they were all content now. So she continued on each day, living her life, and keeping her problems inside, like she always did.
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| − | So when he asked, she answered truthfully, since no one had bothered until now. “It is no rumor. It was I,” she pulled out one of the scythed daggers at her belt, examining it slowly. Again she could still see his blood on her blade and on her hands, and her eyes focused on his instead. “With this,” she told him, and turned the blade around.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Asriel Octavius'''
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| − | Asriel saw the tea cup shatter was surprised by the reaction his words provoked. Perhaps she had indeed killed him?
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| − | When Sorsha hissed at him he kept his face perfectly impassive, but when she moved round to the front of the desk he rose to face her. His eyes widened slightly when she confessed to killing Rathan and pulled a blade from her waist. For a brief moment he could not help but consider that she might try to kill him.
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| − | "May I?" he asked and reached out and took the blade. He rotated it in his hand, he felt the weight of it, the balance, the feel. "This is a good blade." he said as he passed it back to her. Then he shifted his position slightly to look at her directly.
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| − | "From what I have heard, Rathan was not a pleasant man at the end and probably deserved to die. By the sound of it, you did us all a service when you killed him." he paused for a moment. "However, from what I remember he was close to you as well." He gave a sad smile.
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| − | "I can see how something like that would cause you to change so much. But if you have told no one else of this then that means you must have been keeping this secret all this time. Secrets such as that only serve to poison us and keep us from finding peace. If," he hesitated "if you wish I might be able to help you somewhat." he offered.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | At his offer, she gave a mirthless laugh, the sound more eerie than anything else. “Do you know how many people have tried to help me?” she asked and cocked her head. “And some a lot closer to me than you, there is nothing that can save me. This is who I have become…”
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| − | She took the blade back and returned it to her waist. Looking away, her fingertips trailed the top of the desk as she moved back to sit. “Yes, he was not pleasant in the end…” she agreed, “but you should wonder why.”
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| − | She looked down to the desk, and reached up to touch the cut on her lip. The one, the apparition of none other than Rathan had given her. The bruise didn’t hurt in the void, it was simply a silent reminder for her. The torment, for that it would never end now.
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| − | “Yes I did D’hara a service, to kill a man who was already leaving,” her lips drew into a smile as if making a joke. “Does one truly deserve to die because of an unrequited love? A love that not only destroyed him, but drove him mad with need? Tell me honestly, in this instance who deserves to die? The one who offered his world, everything he was, defied everything and everyone that stood in his way for one person. Or the one person who took all hope away from him?”
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| − | '''Roleplay from Asriel Octavius'''
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| − | Asriel just listened without moving as Sorsha spoke. As she talked, Asriel began to realize why it was that she had changed, what it was that all this had done to her. As she finished his heart was filled with sympathy for her, for what she had clearly suffered.
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| − | "Who deserved to die does not matter." he said. "Whatever happened, happened because it was meant to. There is no escaping fate. Besides, from what I remember of you I doubt you would kill unless you had to. And it does not matter now either way. What is done is done and cannot be undone. But to hide it away only wounds you. If you feel sorrow or guilt over it then you must seek some way to atone for it. If not then you need not bottle it up inside, to do so will only destroy who you are."
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| − | He paused, watching her expression.
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| − | "It seems to me that this is part of what has changed you... but not all of it. Tell me, do you feel bitter towards someone? Resentful?" he asked.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | Sorsha did not look at him, but continued to listen to his words of wisdom. <i> It happened because it was meant to…</i> how close those words were to, everything happens for a reason. Words Master Ugyel had told her so long ago and she had firmly believed. But when faced with it, it was so easy to forget.
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| − | “And what could someone do to atone for something like that?” she asked him, her face blank. How could she even begin to atone for destroying a man inside and out? Almost causing the fall of a realm…
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| − | Her changes came long before that… but she wasn’t about to start telling her life story. He asked if she was bitter, or resentful towards anyone. She was… extremely at the moment, but she didn’t answer his question and waited for him to answer hers.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Asriel Octavius'''
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| − | "Atonement is just another part of what I call redemption. Everyone can be redeemed, either in this life or the next. I know you do not follow my faith but the Allfather offers redemption to all who truly repent their wrong doings. He has taught us that we may receive forgiveness and atone for our sins by forgiving others." said Asriel.
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| − | "In your case you could do something to commemorate Rathan, something to remember the good in his life. In doing so you would help redeem him for history whilst atoning for your part in it. But if forgiveness is all you seek then you need merely repent. What happened was destined to. You were fated to kill Rathan from the moment you were born. But how you feel about it, how you view your actions is still up to you. Your future is already fixed but if you do not make the choices for yourself then it cannot happen."
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| − | He paused, then continued.
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| − | "If you wish I can help you with this. If it would help you in any way then I would do all I could to achieve it."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | Sorsha looked up, her eyes empty. She had tried to ask for forgiveness, in the only way she knew how. When she had, she had come face to face with Rathan himself… She didn’t know how it had happened, but they had exchanged heated words and he had pushed her, backhanded her, and tried to make her drink poison to kill the life in her womb. The reminder alone made her hands cover her abdomen protectively and her hand tightened into a fist and she dropped it quickly. No one knew of her condition.
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| − | Rathan had told her he came to her from the Netherworld where she had sent him. She was still confused over the entire matter, how could he physically touch her if he was but an apparition? One conclusion was that it was all dark magick… but that would have to mean he was still alive, or worse yet… a Daimon. Was she so cursed? She didn’t think the man before her would give her the answers to her questions and she wasn’t about to start asking.
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| − | “Pretty words…” she said softly, “but pretty words are just that, it only serves to embellish your views, but the harsh truth is the world can be ugly, and unforgiving, and I have learned that no matter how forgiving you are to the ones around you. They simply take, and take, until you are left with nothing. And when you are in need they simply carry on as if you no longer exist to them…
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| − | If what you say is true, then your Allfather needs to take a long look at his children, for how twisted can one be to cause such pain and misery…even to the ones who beg forgiveness…” her last words barely above a whisper.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Asriel Octavius'''
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| − | Asriel's searching gaze watched her as she spoke and noticed the way she moved her hands over her abdomen. Perhaps she was with child?
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| − | As she spoke it seemed like she was deliberately trying to drive him away. This only made him more determined not to give up.
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| − | He let more strength enter his voice and said "They may be words but they are true nonetheless. You do not have to follow my faith to hear the truth in what I say. The world is harsh but it can also be kind. That is the way of life. For every sorrow there is a joy. And without sorrow we would not be able to know joy. Without joy we would not be able to know sorrow.
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| − | "It does no good to seek forgiveness from others if we cannot forgive ourselves. If you do then you will find that there are plenty who love you and will give you as much back as they take, if not more, if only you will let them.
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| − | "There is pain and misery in the world, but only because that is in our nature. As much as it is in the nature of a fish to swim or a bird to fly. But there is also happiness. Inside every man and woman there is lightness and dark. It remains to each of us to ensure that the light wins out. Life is harsh and death is eternal, this is why we must seek the happiness in life. We may experience misery but without it we could never know what pleasure is. But forgiveness will be granted to all those who ask for it and truly repent. But the first step to forgiveness is forgiving yourself. This is what you need to do.
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| − | "I am not sure you are aware how obvious what you are doing is. Your words, your demeanor, even the armor that you wear, they are all defenses against the world, keeping it out. But to keep the world out is to keep life out. Yes, you are protected from more pain but you are also protected from happiness. To cut yourself off is to deny what makes us human, it is to deny life itself. As long as you shield yourself from the world then you might as well be lifeless. You need to set yourself free from this shadow-life Remove your armor and let the world back in again. Until you do you will be unable to find peace. You must face up to whatever hurt it is you are carrying and deal with it. Otherwise you will remain in an emotional limbo, incapable of feeling, cut off from those you love. Come back to the world, my lady. Take the first step back to happiness."
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| − | '''Roleplay from Sorsha McDowell'''
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| − | Sorsha listened to his words in silence. She may have been in the void today, but she knew these emotions well. “I know the armor I wear, I have worn it long enough. As for life, I have already taken that step” she said, “there was a time I was as you see me now, unable to feel, but it seemed a permanence. Do not mistake my behavior, I am still able to feel, today is just not one of those days…” she told him and rose from the seat, as if it was that simple.
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| − | Of course he may not understand it all, how could she expect anyone to, without really knowing her. The only person who did was her husband. He was the only one who was able to bring out the softness in her when she was like this. But she hadn’t been with him in some time now, maybe that was the reason for her change today...That and the fact they were in times of war. Sorsha could not afford softness now.
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| − | “I will think on your words,” she murmured and rose from the chair. “I believe you know your way out,” she then told him abruptly, ending the conversation. Had he caught her on a different day, she would have been fine, possibly even shed a tear in hopes of redemption, a chance to be free of the guilt inside but today was not a good day.
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| − | She didn’t wait for him to leave, she left the tent instead, and told one of her guards to make sure Sir Asriel was treated with the same respect they would accord her.
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| − | '''Roleplay from Asriel Octavius'''
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| − | Asriel sighed as Sorsha left. For a moment he toyed with the idea of waiting until she came back but eventually decided against it. After a brief moment he too left, the only sign that he had ever been there a small note lying on the table.
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| − | <i>Lady Sorsha,</i>
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| − | It read.
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| − | <i>I am sorry if my visit disturbed you. If you do not wish my help or presence then I will not force them on you. But you will always be welcome at my hearth should ever you wish to speak with me again.
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| − | regards,
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| − | Asriel</i>
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